The no contact/texting/email thread

[cathkidstonbag]

I know it can't just be me who is struggling with not contacting someone they shouldn't so wondered if anyone else would like to join in here and we can support each other?
I have a thread somewhere titled don't want to sleep with DH and my circumstances are on there. But basically I need to stop contacting a man who is making my life miserable. I emailed him on Sat ending all contact with a brilliant email and was so proud of myself :) He then replied and instead of it being horrible it was nice sweet charming and I replied back :( So cross with myself. In it I told him about something awful that had happened so expected at least some sympathy for that. I got nothing :(
I need to never contact him again. To be strong enough not to beg him for contact.
Anyone else needing support???

Thank you. It's going to be a long road back. I can't believe I've put myself here again after a year of NC. A whole year...

And the worst thing is I feel no guilt towards dh. No desire to confess. What's that about? Am I just a hard-hearted bitch?

I feel the exact same but I managed 13 years with NC and I was the one who instigated it again, what an idiot!!!!
I tend to swing between feeling guilty and nothing towards DH, I suppose because me and OM havn't had any physical contact at all I don't feel as bad, however EA's can be more damaging so I have read that is why I need to finish it soon, no matter how sad it makes me.
Also for the sake of my DD too, as when I am txting OM I feel that I am ignoring her, does that happen to anyone else?

Yes, me. I've been a crap mum for the past two years

Hi ladies. headinamess I know how low your feeling right now. Ive also been a crap mum and wife for the last 2 years and for what??? I'm really trying to pick myself up too, I cant give really give you any advice as i'm feeling quite raw myself, but I just want to let you know your not alone. xx Its been total no contact for a week, but its been 3 weeks since we last met, I'm still checking my phone, facebook etc and a big part of me is hoping he will get in touch, I think its to prove to me that he wants me still, stupid i know but thats how i feel at the moment.

I listened -and sang along - to this today and I thought the words were quite fitting for this thread.

"I'm Over You"

Yeah...
I should've known, I should've thought twice
I should've listened to my own advice
But then there was you
You broke all the rules
But tonight all of my dreams
Sometimes they ain't what you see
Now I know that it's true
I learned it from you

I gave my all
I gave my trust
I gave my heart but it wasn't for love
So listen up before I go
Someday I think you should know

[CHORUS:]
You can fool some of the people some of the time
But you can't fool this heart of mine
and it's sad but it's true
I'm over you
You can take all your games and all your lies
But you can't take away my pride
and it's sad but it's true
I won't be your fool
I'm over you

Mirror mirror on the wall
Catch me now before I fall
I'm breaking these chains
A heartache and pain
Make a move and break away
The sun is shining on a brand new day
My vision is clear
I've cried my last tear

I say goodbye, I walk away
Don't you know there's a price that you gonna pay
It's over now, and that's a fact
'Cause this time there's no turning back

[Repeat chorus]

I gave my heart, I gave my trust
I gave my arm but it wasn't for love
So hear this now, before I go
It's time I think you should know

[Repeat chorus]

OMFG!!!!!! He's text me! I cant read it, i'm shaking

ok I've read it lol. It only asked me if i was ok. I havent replied

Good for you mytwoworlds, hope that you are feeling ok after not txting back.
Havn't been txting alot today either, he has decided to only txt me in the afternoons now cos' he says that I am too busy in the mornings and don't reply to him (think that he is getting the hint), I said that's fine, total txts today 4, not bad concidering this time a month ago it was between 30-70 a day WTF!!!!!!!!
Won't hear from him over the weekend now, we decided early on never to txt at weekends or after 3pm in case his gf or my dh find out, so got a nice quiet weekend to look forward too.
Anyone got any nice plans?

I left it an hour and I text back, I'm finding it hard, all i thought about over the last week was him. I didnt give him any cause to text me in a way that he shouldnt, he started off telling he'd crashed his car, i asked if he was ok and all of that kind of stuff, then he started to tell me that he 'needed' me today and all that kind of rubbish, I basically told him he makes me feel like a cheap tart and i got no reply since..oh well, lol

Dessie12...so hes noticed how busy you are??? they dont like that do they if they think you have a life?!

Im relaxing over the weekend, family are here and its great, takes my mind off things. Hope everyone has a good one.

Yeah he's noticed how busy I am and generally lacking in interest with him, which must be weird cos' I was the one that started contact again only last Sunday, but i'm really trying to harden my heart against him, easier said than done.

Dont you think though that the less interest you show, the more determined it makes them?

I know its tough Dessie12, I'm exactly where you are right now. x

Not in my case no, OM is very laid back and a complete emotional retard, he quite happily respects my wishes and cba most of the time with people, he is hard work at the best of times. It's still quite surprising that he is taking this unusual step in not txting in the mornings, maybe he has simply had enough of me too?

And don't worry mytwo, we can see this through together x

Hello all just checking in. Had a spectacular fall from grace this week. Numerous messages Tues Wed Thurs (all replied to) and then he vanished again! I replied because tbh it was nice chatty friendly exactly as I wanted it to go back to. Finally thought maybe it was going to be ok. But on rereading everything this morning I realise that he was just bored for a few days, picked me up and dropped me again.
My youngest DC had a horrible accident yesterday and it made me realise that I need to forget him and focus on my RL. Otherwise I'll let him play these silly games with me for years and wake up to find my DC are grown up and I've wasted so much of my life.
Heavy stuff for a sunny Saturday I know!!! Right start again, time to tough up and wise up for me!!!

emotional retard thats brill! I know where your coming from though, but you've known each other for so long, he has got to feel something surely, i think thats what i thought though with my situation, I thought he's being sleeping with me for 2 years how can he not feel anything, but from what i've read on the net, it is possible for just the one of the two to get emotionally involved, and that is what has happened to me, I dont love him, but I do have feelings for him. Dessie maybe hes trying the approach in that if he backs off it will make you want him more, I know it works for me, hence last friday when i told him its finished and he just replied with 'ok' now if he had text me saying he doesnt want to stop I would have had a boost from that, I know it sounds warped but thats just the way I'm functioning at the moment. And yep we're here for each other. x

OMG hi :) Its amazing when stuff happens at home how quickly you forget OM isnt it? i've had a few situations like that myself where I've thought he could disappear off the planet and I wouldnt have cared. Take care OMG, its beautiful outside today and will be all weekend, hope your all doing something nice. xx

omg How is your son?

I know these men are idiots but calling then a "retard" is too far imo.

Fab - much better thanks. Was a worrying night tho (head injury). And it proves once again how unimportant I am to OM, I posted about it on my FB and thought maybe might have got a "hope she's ok" quick message but nothing. He used to show an interest in that kind if thing but obviously that was before he got bored of me! Need to remind myself of stuff like that.
Wouldn't call mine an emotional retard, just very cold and emotionless.

Mine never showed much interest in anything in my life.

This is such a hard one for me because I don't want to get over it. I love him with all my heart. I don't know being with any one else and I'm terrified. I'm terrified I will never stop loving him and feeling so low. I know I will give in and text him. It's DS birthday on the 14th and I really don't know how to play it??? As I know he would never contact me if it was down to him.

Fab - oh mine did, that's what I miss so much. The asking me how my day was or how my DC were if they were poorly or up to something important at school. That's why it hurts not to have that. And I knew all about his life too, all the little things. That's all gone. I don't know if it was all part of the act or he genuinely cared. And if he did what happened to make him stop?
Bristolcities - you'll find lots of help on here.

I never wanted to get over mine either as I felt like all this pain had been for nothing. Then I realised I didn't have to get over him but then I don't have to do anything about it either.

What has your son's birthday got to do with it?

I feel that if my son wants to see his dad on his birthday I will have to make contact. As I said in my other thread my ex shows no interest in DS if we aren't together. I'm going have to make so much effort in order for my son not to be disappointed. I'm still not sure if he will show even if I do

Fab - I think that's part of the reason I can't move on. I just feel if I do it didn't meanmuch, and if it didn't mean much why did I risk my marriage for it???

Because you thought it was worth it. Now that you know he isn't, cross it off your list and move on to the next thing. You can do this.