The no contact/texting/email thread

[cathkidstonbag]

I know it can't just be me who is struggling with not contacting someone they shouldn't so wondered if anyone else would like to join in here and we can support each other?
I have a thread somewhere titled don't want to sleep with DH and my circumstances are on there. But basically I need to stop contacting a man who is making my life miserable. I emailed him on Sat ending all contact with a brilliant email and was so proud of myself :) He then replied and instead of it being horrible it was nice sweet charming and I replied back :( So cross with myself. In it I told him about something awful that had happened so expected at least some sympathy for that. I got nothing :(
I need to never contact him again. To be strong enough not to beg him for contact.
Anyone else needing support???

FAB...bloody hell you could be ME!! Same thing with my OM...he even told everyone during his drunken stag do that he was marrying the wrong person. But we had been out of contact by then for a few years.

I'm a week now with no contact. It gets easier every day. I have had to banish the 'OM playlist' though and no music is allowed in my house.

OHSHIT - my god, I think I just crumbled listening to that link your OM sent you. Not surprised you have joined us. Hang in there.

Am posting under a different name to previous (in case you think I'm a loony) I'm the one who thinks might have, erm got something.

My OM has just got back together with his ex, after 22 weeks of constant texting this week he's been remarkably quiet and unresponsive. I asked if he was free this weekend and he said "it's XX's (ex girlfriend) birthday" so I kinda jokingly said "are you back together!" and he said "yes".
So now I feel so used. He was with me the whole time they were apart. I've been texting him last week, no more than once a day (bad, I know, I was just desperate for reassurance that he still fancied me bit I was being jokey, not stalkerish!! I hope anyhow)
I'm kinda numb. And feel so, so stupid.
I've risked everything for him for nothing.
And I've deleted him as a friend on FB, he's just texted me (I deleted his number already but I know it's him) to ask "don't you want to be friends?"
What do you say to that.
I'm so fucking stupid. (sorry for swearing)

Say "no, I don't want to be friends with someone who can drop someone when they have no use for them any more..."

You are not stupid. He's a user. I know how much it hurts:( Good for you for deleting him, and yes text back what Fab says. Or just ignore him, even better!

OMG I hope you are okay. Trust me I was where you are less than a year ago. I am too embarrassed to reveal my bunny boiler activities. But God I could not believe what I had become. So incredibly down...nothing could bring me up. Missed him every single second...acted like a maniac.

Believe me, NC is the only way to move on. It's hard, but god it is dignified. Stops you looking crazy, stops him thinking you care, wish I had known that at the time before I almost turned into a crazy stalker.

Just read and re-read Baggage reclaim and this site. It gives you strength to know you're not alone. I can remember people advising me here: saying you will get over him, blah, blah. And I thought, but you don't know how I feel. Of course they do. But that is how it feels, that you are the only one feeling such gut-wrenching pain.

You will get there...I promise. It's quite lovely when you take control by NC. It does give you a weird kind of kick I promise.

fizzfiend is right. It frees you once you go cold turkey.

Hi again - I'm now on day 4 of my restarted no contact.... and I'm still ignoring his texts! Because I'm ignoring them he's ramping it up big time.... sending me links to songs, etc. telling me he's spent the whole weekend thinking about me/us and that he's still "working it through"... He hasn't left though! God! I'm staying strong though.... the more I ignore, the more he texts, which makes me feel stronger to ignore him! Does that make sense? Obviously this is since all the texts on Friday night about my parents' relationship....

I meant to say, the song he sent me the link for this morning was "I want you" by Cee-Lo (whoever he is - some rapper or something I think!) and asked me to listen to all the words! I did, and the only bit that jumped out to me was "Come on baby, don't be cruel"!!! oh hah hah blardy hah! He thinks I'm being cruel by doing NC???

i love that song !! lol
stay strong - i know its for the best but im so wishing om would contact me

Hi hardship - I know what you mean about wanting them to contact you - although I am V angry right now, it doesnt stop me from wanting every text that comes through to be from him!

He called me about half an hour ago, like he always does when he's out of the office and missing me, using the same crappy excuses to speak to me!! "is everything ok there?" "have I missed anything?" I just acted normal, and spoke about work stuff, and he sounded upset - probably because I didnt mention the song and text.... am sooooo angry with him right now! He keeps sending me these soppy texts telling me he misses me, loves me, wants me.... etc. but he's still there! He's not left! what the hell does he expect me to do?? I give up = have given up!

In fact as I'm typing this, he's just texted me again to say that he hopes I get the message in the rap song! that its about wanting me, wanting to be with me and running away together to something new! Then he says he thinks I'm doing really very well on the no contact by the way! FFS! Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck!!!! (sorry!)

I'm still ignoring everything at the moment - well everything non-work related anyway - can't do much about the work stuff as I work for him! Actually I would really really like to rip into him at the moment for what he's doing! In reality I'll probably just try to ignore ignore ignore.....

Gosh blondie, that must be so hard, I'm finding it tough enough and I've heard nothing from mine. I don't think I'd be able to not respond if he contacted me.

Some progress, I didn't wake up in the night and check my phone hoping there'd be a message from him, several texts have come through without me half expecting them to be him and I didn't dream about him last night. Still thinking about him a lot but it's not hurting too much today.

I tell you - these ADs I'm taking (Prozac) are helping a LOT! I'm still feeling anger, but not nearly as out of control as it has been (not that I've been giving vent to it, and thats probably part of why I've felt so horrible and low) and the depression is not as bad - I feel quite calm most of the time - until he contacts me anyway!! I've got more energy too!

Its good you've not dreamt about him! I do most nights (my OM not your's!!!) heh heh

Stay strong! the longer you do it, the stronger you become because I think you take back some of your power!! Its hard, so we have to take each day as it comes....

Blondie - you are doing so well :) It's like he's testing you, how mean of him!
I'm not doing so well. Finally got a reply from him re photos. He says he has kept everything, every email (hundreds of them) and photo. Why the heck would he do that???
Had counsellor appt today and she spent the whole session going through my feelings towards him and we made some good breakthroughs. I actually understand why I feel the way info about him (it's a confusing mix of ego boosting and broken trust and teenage guilt and lots of other stuff!!!) No further forward to feeling better about it all though :S But it makes sense now how he can mess with my head so much.
Sorry I started this thread and haven't been on much, I'm kind of treading water at the moment, trying to stay afloat. Am thinking ADs may be the way to go?

You are all doing well, even in the face of patronising gits .

I'm so ashamed but I caved in on Sunday night, I was over 3 weeks with NC and just couldn't take it anymore.
I contacted him on fb and he was quite surprised tbh, he again repeated that he didn't want to cause any probs and even congratulated me on keeping up the NC rule. We have been txting for the last 2 days, nothing suggestive at all, all rather mundane and boring, things we are upto, weather etc....
Don't know how I feel at the moment, I guess that I am happy that we are back on an even keel but feel guilty as to what I am doing again.
We had a long chat on fb about my feelings, he still hasn't told me his and has reliterated that he will/can only be my friend and nothing else, I however have feelings for him, he said that he missed our chats, didn't mention missing me.
Don't know what to do now, any advise anyone??

Accept this is a blip and go back to NC. It took me many attempts to get where I am now and normally I cave at 8 weeks and I am no where near that yet. If I can do it, you definitely can.

I want to email him.

Please tell me why it's not a good idea?

Hi Iknow - I'm having a good day, so I'll say as I said above - the longer you keep NC, you just need to know that although in your head you want to contact him and are thinking of him, he doesnt know that, and like I said the longer you do that the stronger to him you'll appear, that gives you some of your power back. It will be driving him crazy won't it - not knowing and at the same time thinking that you're strong enough to "resist" him. Even if he texts you or emails, the fact is that shows he's thinking about you enough to do that, and that should give you the strength to carry on, just knowing that you're not giving him what he wants, which is for you to show him you're too weak to resist. It is all about perception and power - your perception of him v his perception of you, you taking power back from him - which is what happens everytime you don't respond to him or even just make contact with him. Every time you contact him or even just respond to him you give him back a little more of your power, and that makes him feel good in himself and respect you even less... it lets him have the choice to leave you hanging if he wants or chooses to. Does that help?

Thanks Blondie...the thing is..there is no power struggle with us. We both know that we are thinking of each other. There's no question about that.

But we both know that the best thing for our lives is to stop contact. It is the only fair thing to do, not just for our families, but for each other.

This is the second time in our lives we have done this. This time it is easier. Because we both know what is in our hearts and for now it is enough.

Sorry Iknow - all I meant was that you need to be strong to do NC and each time you get in touch (I know cos thats how I feel - and my OM and I desperately want to be in touch again too) it makes you feel weaker for doing it and its just a cycle. Its hard to get out of!! Did you get in touch with him?? Stay strong

Remember the progress you have made, not the blips along the way. It was 4.30pm yesterday before I even thought of him and it was more a I haven't thought about him realisation than thinking about him. I felt how much happier I was and how much better everything is in my whole life..

I'm so glad to have found this thread. Me and other man have been NC for only 5 days, but the last time we saw each other was 3 weeks ago tomorrow and it was from then I decided to myself that enough was enough. I can't EVER go back as much as I want to. It's the worst situation ever.

I was (what I thought) happily married, until a friends (not close friend but enough to know her well) husband approached me on FB, it started off as friendly chat, he kept trying to give me his number, I didnt want it, but I was too nice to say no, so I kept telling him that i lost it, at the time he just wasnt my type, he's 10 years older than me. The one day I logged into FB and he was on, he gave me is number and we started texting. The chat and the texting went on for a couple of weeks then the one day I agreed to meet him. One thing led to another...you know the rest. The guilt I feel I cant explain.

This carried on for almost 2 years, until 3 weeks ago. It was a PA, no emotion was felt on his part, yet for me I got emotionaly involved. 12 months into the affair I found out there wasnt just me, he was seeing someone else too. I very stupidly got in touch with her (under a different alias) and told her who I was, she told me that MM told her he loved her and was going to leave his wife and children at somepoint, he is still with them, I confronted him about it and he admitted to seeing her, he told her I was a friend of his wife, not someone else who he was seeing. He told me I did him a favour as she was getting too involved, and we continued to see each other. I cant believe i've degraded myself this much, I kept telling him I was only in this for the sex as he was worried I was 'falling' for him, he's told me on a couple of occasions he cant love me but he lusts for me and hes addicted. I'm not under any illusion about the way he feels, and I know he was just using me, I just want someone on the outside to tell me that he felt nothing for me whatsoever to stop me from going back if he contacts me again which I think he will. I dont think he took my last text seriously as I've tried to break it off before but he gets back in touch and then I give in. But my last text was me telling him that I'm not doing this anymore, and its run its course. He just text back with OK x Is he not taking me seriously???

I'm sorry if it all sounds jumbled up, I'm in a bit of a mess right now

Again, I feel bells ringing. Mine is very clear that he fancies like mad and always has but doesn't know how else he feels about me. When I saw him I asked him if he had ever loved me and he said "I still do." He took a while but has said he is scared of his feelings for me and what that means for his life. TBH it was too late and I am glad I never did anything physical with him.

If a man says he doesn't love you or doesn't know how he feels about you- believe him.

mytwoworlds - day one my love. You can do this.

My xOM fancied me, there was no doubt about it, he told me. That was obviously just to get me into bed. I know he doesn't love me, he's told me he cant love me, but I didnt even ask the question..at times he just comes out with this crap, probably just to keep letting ,me know where I stand. But I too told him, I dont love him, I love my DH (believe it or not) and no other man will ever come close.

I just dont understand how a man human being can compartmentalise their feelings like this. How can you sleep with someone for so long and not have any feelings for them? or is this just a man thing? I suppose looking at myself I was doing the same with my life (hence the username)

Thanks TheOriginal...I feel I have a place to come now when things gets tough, (like today)