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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The no contact/texting/email thread

849 replies

cathkidstonbag · 14/06/2011 14:19

I know it can't just be me who is struggling with not contacting someone they shouldn't so wondered if anyone else would like to join in here and we can support each other?
I have a thread somewhere titled don't want to sleep with DH and my circumstances are on there. But basically I need to stop contacting a man who is making my life miserable. I emailed him on Sat ending all contact with a brilliant email and was so proud of myself :) He then replied and instead of it being horrible it was nice sweet charming and I replied back :( So cross with myself. In it I told him about something awful that had happened so expected at least some sympathy for that. I got nothing :(
I need to never contact him again. To be strong enough not to beg him for contact.
Anyone else needing support???

OP posts:
Original poster
cathkidstonbag · 25/06/2011 21:41

Hello to everybody who's joined us :) Hope everyone can find support from each other here. And singout - come back, we need you!
Well I really haven't done well with this whole NC thing. Had way too much to drink with a friend last night and DH was away and I ended up sending a drunk email to exOM. So stupid :( As I was doing it I was trying to stop myself!!! Anyhow in the circumstances it could have been worse. I told him that I think I need to just cut him out of my life but first I need to know if he still has all the photos I sent him (blush). Which is a fair enough question I think? Anyhow he hasn't answered, not even to say he has or hasn't.
I'm cross with myself for sending it and also for taking my phone to bed and obsessively checking it all night. Tonight phone will be turned off and back downstairs.
Sad for my DH today as well, sometimes he can be so nice to me. Not often but today he sat me down and said just tell me what the hell is wrong with you. You eat nothing, you're fading away, you're so sad and tired all the time, I'm worried you're ill. All I could do was sit and cry because my life is so messy :(

OP posts:
Blondie73 · 25/06/2011 22:58

Oh omg - you poor poor thing.

fizzfiend · 26/06/2011 00:11

OMG....I have been where you are and am so happy to be a little bit further down the line, although not near the end yet.

The fact that you asked a question about photos, meant you wanted a response. The scary thing that I have realised is that men are not as stupid as we think....OM knew what I was doing every time I sent a message...attention seeking, or whatever.

NC NC NC NC NC. We are here for you xx

Original poster
cathkidstonbag · 26/06/2011 06:28

Oh I definately wanted a response.I want to know that he has deleted them. I can't move on if I know he has stuff on me like that. If my DH ever found out, or anyone did I would be mortified. I do think he should at least reply to say yes even if he has to lie!
So it seems he is doing NC on me - oh the irony!!!
Did manage to leave phone downstairs so at least got some sleep but lost another 4lb this week.

OP posts:
OhSodItAll · 26/06/2011 08:39

So DH didn't come home again after a night out and OM posting on FB about how sexy some girl is. The words he used to say to me.
It's all coming back to bite me on the arse isn't it.

Blondie73 · 26/06/2011 10:46

Hi omg - how are you feeling today?

What I wondered was if your DH was concerned enough to say something about how you looked and seemed yesterday, is he doing anything to try to make you feel better? Even if you didn't say why you look/feel so ill? Is he trying to look after you? Is this weight loss purely down to stress or are you not eating as well? Sorry for all the questions! I just cannot even imagine how you are managing to stay upright if last week you were a size 0 and you've even managed to lose another 4lb on top of that! Are your friends not concerned about you? God! That man needs tearing a new a-hole!!!!! (OM I mean!!)

Sending you hugs - poor you! Sad

Blondie73 · 26/06/2011 10:47

and as fizzfiend said - we're here for you.... x

Original poster
cathkidstonbag · 26/06/2011 11:43

I feel as low as I have ever felt tbh. God I'm so pathetic. And I look like hell :( Just bumped into a friend I haven't seen for few weeks and she was shocked by how I look. No DH isn't looking after me, he is however almost forcing me to eat. It's partly stress and partly I just can't eat. Thank you for being here for me. The photo thing is really upsetting me every time I think of it. OM used to persuade me to send him this stuff and I hated it, I'm just not that way I only did it because of the compliments he gave me. But the thought of him having those just makes me throw up! I just wish he would tell me he no longer has them. He won't - it's a hold he has over me. I need to just forget it.

OP posts:
hardshipuntold · 26/06/2011 14:30

what a sod he is (om ) i mean
i have also sent a few topless photos to om but i pretty sure he has deleted them,i trust him in that way and we both never wanted to get found out.
there is still word form him

Original poster
cathkidstonbag · 26/06/2011 14:41

hardshipuntold - yes I did topless but they're kind of the least of my worries IYKWIM? I also sent him a lot of very explicit emails. Obviously he sent me stuff too but I deleted it all, stupidly I never thought to take copies or put it all on a memory stick. What if he just tells people about what I I've sent and makes it look like it was all me doing it?? If/when I leave my marriage I want it to be on my terms not because I'm kicked out for behaving like a slut. Which I know is all I deserve :(
Should I assume as I meant nothing to him he has deleted them? I don't know what men usually do with that kind of stuff (well obviously I know what they do if it's someone they like!!!! But if it's not :S)
I used to trust him but he's proved me wrong in that.
Sorry you've still had no word - or is that a good thing???

OP posts:
hardshipuntold · 26/06/2011 19:42

to be honest im not sure

TheOriginalFAB · 26/06/2011 19:47

Hi everyone

It is so unnerving reading your posts as every things is the same as me. I sent photos and when I asked if he had deleted them he said yes apart from the ones he had put on the internet. It was just a joke to him and I might have thought it was funny if I knew he was joking. Twat head.

Original poster
cathkidstonbag · 26/06/2011 19:55

Hardshipuntold - it's a good thing, it must be. You seem positive about it :)
Fab - at least he told you even if he was joking a bit. I just think it's rude to not say anything when he knows I'm worried about it. Just tell myself all this just proves what kind of man he is.
Just console myself with the fact I looked pretty good in those photos, amazing what decent lighting and a bit of photoshopping can do. That and the fact I wasn't so skinny then!
Trying to laugh about it all now. And hoping karma comes back to bite him big time!!!

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 26/06/2011 20:40

I would rather he hadn't said he had put them on the internet and tbh I don't know that he has deleted them. Considering I am in his phone under my real name when his wife hasn't forgotten our fling I don't know what was going on.

Original poster
cathkidstonbag · 26/06/2011 20:52

Fab - sorry if you thought I was being flippant. It wasn't nice of him to say that to you and why on earth would he have you by your real name on his phone? I wonder sometimes how their (little) minds work. I am sure he did delete them, especially as his wife knows what went on. Surely she would have insisted he deleted everything???
I wish I'd kept the ones I had tbh. Still think it would have been mildly amusing to tag him into one on FB. Although there is always the possibility he may be planning to do that to me :O

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 27/06/2011 07:58

She doesn't know we had been talking for over 2 years. He was clear that she would divorce him if she found out. I doubt it very much as she has stayed after he has cheated at least twice and she is a lot older than him. Plus he is hot Hmm.

Original poster
cathkidstonbag · 27/06/2011 08:12

Fab - I thought maybe she knew. I suppose it's easy for you not to want to tell her to hurt him as you are in a good place with your DH right now. If you weren't would you have been tempted to tell do you think? I just don't know how to swallow all this anger down.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 27/06/2011 08:16

Even when I was talking to my ex and unsure about being with dh, I still didn't want DH to tell her. They have a child and I did it for the child and my ex tbh. DH was of the why should I be the only one hurt camp. A few weeks ago I rang what I thought was their house and also sent an hello message to his father (he came up on FB as a friend suggestion) and wanted to tell them (still smarting from ex hurting me) but now I can't be bothered with anything to do with him.

Original poster
cathkidstonbag · 27/06/2011 13:10

Thank you for reminding me why I don't tell. It's not his children's fault or his wife's. I need to be the better person here, like you have. Hard tho.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 27/06/2011 15:55

Oh I am not the better person, that is my DH. Rant on here, talk things over with us and see if you still want to do X.

OhShit · 27/06/2011 16:21

Hello...spotted this thread today at just the right time. After 18 months of no contact I got an email at work today....

"I know I shouldn't be doing this but it's late and I'm tired of trying to pretend I don't think of you"

Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhh, I was doing so well, only thought of him now and again and had managed to not have any contact although it was hard.....but I had to go and click the bloody link didn't I....I couldn't just delete and move on could I

hardshipuntold · 27/06/2011 16:27

my om sends me music - tugs at the heart strings - every day with no contact is getting easier ,not so upset as i was last week .

Original poster
cathkidstonbag · 27/06/2011 16:29

No still think you've been controlled and dignified about all this. I need to be the same. Why should I make anyone else suffer? I'm just trying to hurt him but it will just hurt me more in the long run.
Hate the way I've become a bunny boiler over this, it's not me. I used to be sensible and a nice person. I miss that person I was !

OP posts:
Original poster
cathkidstonbag · 27/06/2011 16:33

Slightly envious at links and music sent, I'm not even worth a one word message :(

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 27/06/2011 16:38

I may have been bunny boilerish in the past and slightly over the top. Now I just think he is an idiot for treating the best thing that ever happened to him so badly.

He cheated on his wife when she was his girlfriend with me.
He doesn't know why he married his wife though I suspect she pushed for it as she is a lot older than him.
He cheated on her once she was pregnant.
He is staying for the child but should his wife last until the child is 18/has left home (she is ill and not going to get better).

Forgotten what my point of posting that was now Hmm.

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