The no contact/texting/email thread

[cathkidstonbag]

I know it can't just be me who is struggling with not contacting someone they shouldn't so wondered if anyone else would like to join in here and we can support each other?
I have a thread somewhere titled don't want to sleep with DH and my circumstances are on there. But basically I need to stop contacting a man who is making my life miserable. I emailed him on Sat ending all contact with a brilliant email and was so proud of myself :) He then replied and instead of it being horrible it was nice sweet charming and I replied back :( So cross with myself. In it I told him about something awful that had happened so expected at least some sympathy for that. I got nothing :(
I need to never contact him again. To be strong enough not to beg him for contact.
Anyone else needing support???

Well OM has just made my life very much simpler for me. Still no reply from him today so I sent one saying, thanks for not replying and fucking with my head again. And in return I got the most patronising email ever. Telling me I get upset about things too easily, he dorsnt know why i cant be calmlike him and need to take a chill pill etc. And all I can think is of course he's calm because it's all going his way!!!! The gall of the man and his ego.
Anyhow that was 2 hours ago, not replied, just deleted it :)

Good for you omg! What a tosser! They do seem, although wonderful some of the time, to be completely clueless about how the other person feels! Poor you, but maybe as you say he's done you a favour - anger is good. Wish I felt angry right now!! I just feel like a wet weekend - or a wet flannel, and thats not me! I have to go into the office tomorrow and face him.... not knowing what I should do or how I should act... Men are definitely wired different to women arent they??

Are you ok? Can you put the anger and adrenaline to good use to get something done? Something you've been putting off because you don't want to do it? Thats what I always end up doing when I'm angry - I clean the bathroom or something!

No I'm not ok! I came out of an hours counsellingfeeling ok then picked the email up. I'm so cross that he's treating me like this. The assumption that I am fine with him speaking to me like this :( This is exactly the way DH treats me, I thought he was different. Is it because he thinks I am so in love with him he can say anything???

OMG - he might be treating you like that but you can ignore it. Hard I know that is it but it can be done.

Day two..no contact...have read and re-read the emails over and over. But I can do this - I have to, for the sake of a lot of people.

I am ignoring it at the moment because I don't want to reply to it. It was just so patronising, I was shaking as I read it. Can't believe he would be so rude to me.
Sorry not being much help to anyone else at the moment, my head is totally messed up now.

Don't worry OMG - I'm not much help to anyone else at the mo either!

He's the one who's overseas isn't he? So its all contact through FB/emails/text, is that right? If all that stopped, what would happen? If you blocked him completely do you think you'd be able to start to slowly wean off him and think about him less and less, especially as virtually all his contacts to you have been nasty - I can't stop thinking about how he has kept saying to you that he doesnt have time for you! If thats the case why does he keep emailing you?? What a nobber! (thats one of my favourite MN sayings! Love it!).

If someone said that to me I hope I'd be angry enough to think "Fuck you then" and just cut them off - and what usually happens is when you do that they come running and chase after you, and the more they do that the more you want to ignore them (sort of like a shift of power from them being able to think they can speak to you like shit to you being the one in control, because ultimately he wants to keep you hanging there to pick up and drop whenever he feels like it), and the more you ignore the more they chase... does that make sense? My problem with cutting contact is I see my OM everyday, sit about 6 feet away from him, can hear him ALL THE TIME, work for him, etc. This is so hard isn't it??!!

It must be far harder for you Blondie. I don't know how you do it. This will sound crazy but if I cut contact completely I'll never know what happens to him. He could be ill or worse and I'd never know and that thought terrifies me. Silly I know. But yes if I cut all contact that would be it. Admittedly he could fly over but he so wouldn't do that. I'm just a game to him, nothing serious I know that.
I know what you're saying about him not having time for me, that comment hurt. As did telling me I wasn't a priority or a close friend. I just seem to be letting him say what he likes and I don't know why. I deserve more than this, I deserve some respect.

Oh and I don't know why he keeps emailing. If he genuinely doesn't have time then it can only be because he thinks it's kinder to make me make the break? Or because it's all a game? Or because he worries I will start making waves for him if he doesn't keep up sporadic contact???

KiiKii - get out while you can would be my advice. Seriously this will get worse and worse. All of us on here who have been in this situation have had our lives messed up so badly. It's just not worth it :(

KiiKii - do you want a bitter divorce? If not, stop now before it gets completely out of hand. It can't end well. You are actually really lucky as it is very new and hopefully easier to extracate yourself.

Hi OMG - I just want to give you a hug and I know thats V V unMN! Sorry! But with all the shit things he's said to you, do you know why you care what happens to him? It does sound like you care, but he clearly doesnt care for you. He has a wife and family and they have the "luck" to be the ones saddled with him! I think you said you were friends for a couple of years before your affair started... so I guess that inside you're still in contact with the feelings for him and the friendship from then, but he sounds completely up his own arse if I'm honest!! heh heh sorry!!

I think it is a game to him, but only because you're letting it be. If you cut contact completely, then yes it would be over but do you think you could do that? Its not like he's nearby or anything... is there anything else you could focus on instead? I've read and reread this thread but there are so many people on it I keep getting confused about people's back stories - sorry!. Do you think you could maintain the anger? Could you try the whole angry cutting him off and seeing what he does, then surfing on the back of his actions? i.e. if he starts to chase you again, ignore him and make him suffer?! Can you talk about any of this to your RL friends? My best mate has been brilliant - she's been calling me and texting me everyday nearly for the last couple of weeks as she knows it helps me to keep my mind here and not with him - doesnt always work though!

I'm glad I came back here - talking on here is helping me and trying to help others is also helping if you know what I mean?

Anyway, I have to pop off for a while - gotta pick my boy up, but hopefully be back on this evening.... OMG you deserve better than what he's doing! He's an arse, and you are a normal, caring human being. Don't forget that. xx

Just wanted to say I'm watching this thread with interest. It seems we all have slightly different reasons for NC but it is so tough. In the past I have given myself a real talking to...and realised he's just a loser. Then one glass of wine, one sad song, and off goes the text...to be met by indifference or nothing usually.

Now quite a few days since I deleted his number from my phone. Not saying he is not popping into my head often, but just having that easy impulse taken away from me, its really helping. Then I figure: if he wants to talk to me, he will contact me. Pretty simple really but it's amazing how I have talked myself around this in the past.

Good luck to everyone. REading this thread makes me realise too how bloody preoccupied we are with them. It's not healthy or normal. Count me in on that "not healthy or normal" group too.

But being busy, cooking (I've been cooking up a storm today), and sometimes just watching some great tv really helps.

OMG - I hope you don't think I was being patronising in my last post - that def wasnt my aim...

FAB - apologies if I seemed defensive in my replies to your last posts - I know too you were only trying to help and that you are known for your straight talking! Its just that I don't seem to respond well to that approach if you know what I mean - my best mate is legendary for her kick up the bum straight talking to try to snap me out of it, but I just respond better to a more gentle approach... so I can talk and get feedback but then sort of come to my own conclusions... So, again, sorry if I got your back up! Didnt mean to

Blondie - didn't think you were being patronising at all. I appreciate your concern. It's just so difficult right now. I have OM who talks to me like crap and a DH that does the same. So it's hard to believe I deserve more than that I guess.
Still haven't replied. Quite pleased with myself - hope he went to bed for once wondering why I haven't replied and if he's pushed me too far. Hope he lays awake all sodding night feeling like crap - welcome to my world!!!

Am I known for my straight talking? I wasn't offended.

omg so sorry they are both treating you badly - you do deserve more x

nothing from om today but as he had said a last week he wants to break contact with me ,he included a song called 'im a martyr for my love for you' by the white stripes
made me cry
i miss him so much

Hardshipuntold - if only I could trade them both in for one nice one ;)

So sorry for you :( It doesn't help him sending songs to you! At least mine has never done that, although that's probably because he can't find one that's called "I don't have time for you because you mean nothing"?
Not trying to upset you just make you smile a bit! I think you are doing so well but it's so hard isn't it!

I'm in the same situation as you all too, it's been 2 1/2 weeks now since no contact and i'm finding it hard, keep checking my phone, I know that it's for the best but it doesn't make it any easier.
I did it once 13 years ago so I can be strong and do it again.
Just want to wish all you ladies good luck in the coming days.

Hello again - just back briefly before putting my little one to bed!

Well he's texted me twice today both times asking how I am and I haven't replied to either text. I feel a mixture of "sod you" and then again meanness because he's only asking how I am! but its more than that isnt it! Its a way of keeping contact up isnt it? I'm kind of hoping he'll text again later and ask why I'm not replying or not talking to him, so I can take the high ground and say I'm TRYING to respect his wishes in giving it one more go and trying to save his marriage.... is that wrong? Problem is whatever I do I STILL have to face him tomorrow! and thats when I will start to crumble! Thoughts? PLEASE???? (even you FAB!! )

OMG - you DEFINITELY DO deserve so so much more! I think you should try to cut off OM and try to sort out your shitty 'D'H. Do you think you could turn it around with him? Or is it beyond help? and I'm with you on the wish "to trade them in for one nice one"!! Keep going - I definitely think you should NOT reply to this arsewipe!! heh heh !! and stop beating yourself up! he's the one who's nothing not you!!! OK?!

Hand on Blondie.

sits waiting patiently for FAB to refresh!