The no contact/texting/email thread

[cathkidstonbag]

I know it can't just be me who is struggling with not contacting someone they shouldn't so wondered if anyone else would like to join in here and we can support each other?
I have a thread somewhere titled don't want to sleep with DH and my circumstances are on there. But basically I need to stop contacting a man who is making my life miserable. I emailed him on Sat ending all contact with a brilliant email and was so proud of myself :) He then replied and instead of it being horrible it was nice sweet charming and I replied back :( So cross with myself. In it I told him about something awful that had happened so expected at least some sympathy for that. I got nothing :(
I need to never contact him again. To be strong enough not to beg him for contact.
Anyone else needing support???

shit !!
i emailed him a happy birthday
i know he wont reply
im a bloody idiot

hardship Just get back o that wagon! hard to say i know but we are all her.

mrsrobertsmith sounds like me and you are the same person and experiencing the same turmoil in our life....... My dh is a good dh and i would be insane to lose him....as you say we put all our energy in to our home relationship then that should be amazing to...... as someone has just said, i think the possibly the chase of it all and that feeling of being with someone new.....

Well i didn't Text or email yesterday.... , turned on my phone this morning and there was an email form yesterday that had not come through (12.40pm) just saying "hows your day" - he had told me last week no contact on the weekend only office hours...... but clearly the rules change if she goes out......

I know you wont judge me on here (thank god) my OM is one of our neighbours, we all get on but never been over friendly, so i see him nearly every day ( which kills me) - last night was out watering the flowers and him and his Wife came out, general chit chat she reveled they were going to pub for a drink - just the 2 of them, well i know they NEVER do anything like that... and i don't know why but my heart just died, felt shattered by this (stupid i know) - Feel like emailing him to tell him...... we are both not wanting our relationship to end but are trying to do "the right thing" which means the next email he sends will be we a heart felt apologie that i saw them last night!!........

stupid Women... Just sent him an email!
Shit shit shit....

Is this falling off the wagon day ladies :D Where's our willpower? ;)
Hardshipuntold - it's his birthday, so kind of understandable. But you've been polite and kind now back to NC. Go do something special for yourself today rather than think about him. Bit of shopping? DVD and chocolate?
Actually I think all of us on here need to spoil ourselves a bit. My first week of counselling I was told that we actually need more food at times of extreme emotional stress, that obviously doesn't mean go crazy with the biscuit tin but don't stress about a few extra calories on top of everything else.
ijustdont - that must be incredibly hard for you. But if as you say you have a good DH I really think you need to put him first. Write down what this man offers you that DH doesn't. I'm guessing apart from the thrill and excitement there's nothing. Shred the list after! But think about it really hard. Think about what you would lose in all this. You can take back control of all this.
Everyone else, step away from your pcs/phones and go and occupy yourselves with something else. Let's all have a great Sunday :)

I just feel so sick as I know what you are all feeling and it reads like your OM is my ex. So so similar.

My affair has been both physical and emotional. At present it is only emotional due to my having moved an impossible distance.

Up until this week there hasn't been longer than a day or two where we haven't spoken and for some reason I have still not heard from him. It is driving me crazy.

I have been saying for months that we need to stop and his response is always that is impossible, we want each other too much and that we are bound together, so I know that he wont be that surprised to have not heard from me but our last exchange was on good terms so this is unprecedented. TBH I am gutted that he hasn't called. Finding it really hard not to just pick up the phone

I feel so stupid today :( I've tended to concentrate on his mental heath issues being the reason why everything became so messed up between us and I had to go NC. But reading B.R again and finding a few posts I hadn't encountered before, I'm starting to feel like a complete fool. I've been - and am still - listening to the beguiling words he spun me instead of looking at the situation. I'm a complete cliche, and I've been taken for a mug...

"Eventually you realise it?s not the divorce papers, or the the fact that their ex keeps pestering them, or that they need ?more time?; you realise that they don?t want to commit and are not available for the relationship you want. The Transitional also picks up that you can?t be that serious about commitment if you?re hanging around with them, even though they may have Future Faked and being obstructive about letting go of you.

To be fair, if you?re the Buffer, the Transitional likely recognises that on and off paper, you?re a great catch so they want to keep you as an option should they ever get their shit together. They?re afraid of making a mistake in letting you go and are afraid that if they do, someone else will snap you up. So they hedge their bets. On your time."
From here.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. >.<
I'm such an idiot, He ticks most things on this list. Separated, goes on about ex all the time, long-distance, fearful of planning ahead with me. Who cares what mental condition he has?! He treated me like shit and he'll never be able to atone for the last year of hell, even if he became Mr Perfect today.
And he bloody won't. He just won't. I'm really wasting my time even thinking about him at all.
[shakes self]

SingOut that list you link to...OM ticks so many boxes.
I'm a fucking idiot.

I texted him today to see if he was ok and got a text back apologising for cancelling meeting up last night. But he didn't reply to my chatty text back.
He's also commented on one of my FB posts. What's going on!

Or do we just read waay too much into everything they do or say?

Ohh, Kate - why is he still on your FB? Are you trying to cut all contact or just wanting to but don't feel you're able to at the moment?
My ex ticks 20 things out of that list. I almost don't feel able to be really annoyed at him, because with signs like that, I should have seen from the start and I'm just pissed off at myself instead :(

Yes MrsRS - it was me. TBH I never fell out of love, I just thought I had. I was resentful as he was stopping me be with the man I should be with . Once I realised DH was going to divorce me I realised who I wanted to be with. This was the first time my ex had caused a problem and he wasn't even talking to me, it was me reading old diaries . DH did say if I talked to my ex again I was gone but tbh I didn't believe him. Being in contact with my ex was taking my feelings away from DH. I still loved him, it was just I wanted my ex. I am more in control now. I still get odd sadness feelings but think about how shit my ex has made me feel and I have allowed him too and I am so glad my dh is the man he is and has forgiven me. I will not talk to my ex again and dh and I will be together forever.

It can work out but you have to know what you want and have the strength to do it. I am not strong but I did and so can you.

I just don't know if I want to yet how stupid am I?

same here kate
om emailed me back after the birthday greetings he said he really appreciated the thought,it meant alot to him and he always thinks of me
sigh
dh is not a bad person just made some mistakes in the past
he loves me so much i just dont feel the same

Kate - if you don't want to yet that's fine. Because one day you will want to :) And yes I think we read way too much into what they say/don't say, partly because they play games that make us think too much and also because our self esteem is low which makes us wonder about everything and look for hidden meanings.
Fab - you're an inspiration to the ladies on here who have a DH they still love :)
Singout - no don't be cross at yourself, he's the nobber. You just care and he takes advantage of that.
Dreams - don't phone him, you are doing so well.
MrsRS - hope the cupcake baking went well :) Stone in 2 weeks - impressive. I've managed 3 but it's taken 9 months!!!

No it's not so fabulous when I now have to buy children's clothes because size 6s are too big. After a lifetime as a size 14 it's a strange thing to get used to. But stress does that I guess :S When it was all going good with OM people used to comment how great I looked. Now they ask me in hushed tones if I am ill!!!
Fab - you should be proud. You've turned your life around :) Just keep pushing him to the back of your mind.

It's now, what, 1045pm and OM has just texted me 4 times to ask about my day. I think he's bored!

Yes, he has a job interview this week and I was wishing him well I do hope he gets the job and I do hope he turns his life around. I wouldn't wish ill on him.

However, what do you think of this...and I know I'm in no position to criticise.. DH has befriended all these glamour models on FB and is being arsey with me when I teased him about it!

Hi everyone
I haven't been able to post since Thursday due to a weekend away but just wanted to check in with you all.
Is there a symbol on MN for a big group hug cos I think that's what we all need.
I've had quite a few more positive days recently - the urge to text XOM passed eventually - luckily the sim cards had expired and by the time I could have bought a new one I was thinking - sod him, why should I pay £5?
I know it's a cliche and someone mentioned it earlier but loving yourself and keeping busy is/are probably the key to it all.
And an even worse cliche - time is a great healer. It's almost a year since I spoke to XOM - we never emailed - and honestly it does get easier.
There will be blips - as per my own - last week, but you will reach a point where you know for sure that you're on an upward trend.
So keep going eh?
Don't know if this is of interest, but I've just listened back on bbc iplayer to a programme on Radio 4 last Friday - A Forensic Look at Infidelity - fascinating.
Also wanted to say I've some of your comments really helpful and enlightening as to why my XOM acted the way he did, stringing me along instead of telling me straight. Passive aggressive, self absorbed - I could go on but we all know I should stop giving him so much head-space.

Deep sigh
Can somebody hit me or something?!
Against my better judgement, just sent ex OM a random text of a jokey nature, why? I don't know, now I feel like a complete idiot again, do I enjoy humiliating myself or something?? Of course there will be no reply, and now I have given him the satisfaction again of having the upper hand.
Deeply annoyed. Horrible feeling back in pit of stomach. :(

Been there, one, don't beat yourself up. You are looking to him for validation and you do not need him to do that you can get that from yourself. Chin up chicken .