Well, the two oldest do not speak to exH.
Oldest DD was physically attacked by him when she was 16ish. She had spent most of Easter weekend setting up a table and filling in values from a chemistry experiment (old computer didn't run the programmes that would have done this at the touch of a button -- she had to figure out how to set up the table before entering any data, a very laborious process). ExH got the notion into his head that the house needed immediate cleaning up the instant we got back from church on Easter morning and told DD1 that if she didn't get up from the computer immediately and do as he told her he would pull the plug and she would lose all her work. She got between him and the computer, they struggled, and he left the room frothing at the mouth and complaining that he had been hit.... Unknown to me, DD1 had already found plenty of exH's porn related activities on the computer, his profile on hook up sites, and e-mails professing amorous feelings for another man. She has never met the gf but feels that whoever she is she is being used.
A few years later, after DD1 agreed to go to see exH's parents and give up a week of her summer work and pay, as her grandfather was allegedly close to death, exH threatened her when they got back with contempt of court proceedings for being 'rude' to her grandparents. My guess is that she was cool to him as instead of staying with the grandparents exH insisted that he and the DCs go to a resort that had no wi-fi for four days, and DD1 had brought work with her that she absolutely needed to do. So 'rude' to the gps may have really meant 'annoyed at him' -- he does a lot of projecting. What set off the tirade was that she contacted me as they were approaching the flat to ask me to give her a lift to her rented room as she had to be at work at about 7 the next morning and it was about 9:30 at that point, with no sign of dinner, exH sounding out everyone about what sort of pizza they would like to order.
DS doesn't talk to exH either. He is not aware of exH's sexuality issues afaik -- at least he has never talked to me about it if he knows, and frankly I didn't know how to broach the subject with a teenage boy. He did mention one time when we spotted exH out running 'there's dad out in his way-too-tight-white-spandex-running-shorts' with an expression of disgust so I have a feeling he may have an inkling. This was pair of athletic support/bike shorts that exH wore all the time out running; it left absolutely nothing to the imagination.
When exH decided he was going to leave the family he told DS and 2 of the youngest 3 DDs on the car on the way to school, then dumped them on the curb. He came home, entered the house through the back door, yelled at me that he had told the children he was leaving and that he was going to look for somewhere for himself to live, then left through the front door, slamming it in my face when I ran after him. The DCs were all in a state of shock when I got to the school and brought them home, all except DD3 who appeared not to have processed the information at all.
DS has never really thought well of his father after that. He has never found exH's behaviour acceptable, including the gf. When he was 17, he and exH had a row at exH's place over New Years. DS refused to go to an afternoon party at the gf's house and exH took great offence (I don't know what was said by DS), took the girls with him to the party, locking DS in the flat and threatening him with the police and arrest if he left, hiding his jacket and wallet just for good measure. DS counted down the weeks left until he turned 18 when he would have no further obligation to be in the same room as exH ever again. He is hoping to graduate with a degree in psychology.
The youngest 3 DDs resent going to their father's every second weekend and for a summer holiday and especially for half of the Christmas holiday. Youngest DD had been taken to the zoo once when she was about 6, before we had a formal visitation agreement, and when she came home the firs thing she said was 'Daddy's friend was at the zoo' -- not a word about the chimps or even her favourites, the penguins... That made me think it was time to stop him in his tracks and see if I could start him thinking of the DCs and not himself, but alas the leopard doesn't change his spots without quite a struggle.
When we went to mediation, he insisted that he would continue to bring the children to Mass in the church the gf attended and not the parish attached to their school, that he would introduce them all to her, that he had a right to be "surrounded by the people he loved" -- all incredibly self-centered imo and guaranteed to backfire. The mediator got him to agree to wait a year before introducing the children to the beard, and not to have her stay overnight at his place while they were visiting unless they got married.
The DDs are not happy about visitation, find their father really odd and uncommunicative, resent having to disrupt their weekends -- he used to turn down invitations from youngest DD's friends to play but that has improved now. DD2 wanted to get dressed for her Confirmation (age 14) at home with her hair straightener and brushes, her clothes, full length mirror, basket of makeup all handy but exH threw a hissy fit when I asked on her behalf and shot me dirty looks for the entire Confirmation evening. When I talk with them about what exactly they find to resent in the weekends they spend with exH they have all said that he never talks to them, just watches sport on tv and undercooks meals (they come home ravenous). He never asks about their homework if they bring their bags and sometimes youngest DD leaves hers until Sunday evening as a result. They genuinely don't know why he wants them there every second weekend. They have never warmed to the gf, who is a theatrical sort a few years older than exH, and they find it all really, really odd.