The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Head To The Summer Of Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello

I'm Mouse

Welcome aboard The Brave Babe's Battle Bus. There are a whole host of lovely posters here who will support your journey to sobriety, however you choose to get there.

We are a Bus full of drinkers, non-drinkers and those who are somewhere in between.

BUT - we will never judge or leave a poster out in the cold. So, find a seat and settle down for the journey ahead.

And HERE is the last thread and those before it too. Just follow the links to read the journeys so far.

Welcome kandi of course it's ok just to dive in!
What do you want to do. Stop completely, moderate, only drink at the weekend??

I have stopped completely with the help of the bus and AA. Big scary steps at the time, but have really made my life so so much more manageable! But you need to decide what it is that you ultimately want.

It's quiet on here this morning, but I am sure that the welcoming committee will be along shortly

Hello baf!

Thank you for the welcome. In my ideal world I would just either drink at the weekends or in social situations. However, I always seem to find a good reason to drink. Either a celebration of something good that has happened that day, or a commiseration if it's been a rubbish day, a glass to go with desperate housewives, a glass because I'm having a nice bath and then before I know it its seven days a week of 'special' days!!!

So in the immediate future I would like to stop completely for at least a month....really break the habit and then sit down and consider if I would be able to manage 'social situations' or if I just need to quit completely. I feel unsure if it is habit or a bad crutch as I am still in the cycle so feel I need to break it and then have a long hard look at it.

Already I am worried as I have people over tomorrow, so I think if I stop today then tomorrow I might drink and ruin it so maybe I should start on Sunday instead....and this is how I go, putting it off and off. So if anyone has good motivational words, I would really appreciate it.

"i want to drink.And so I am. I know the drill, the health risks, the cost, the weight gain, the loathing etc etc and still i want to drink. Think I am a lost cause to be honest."

I'm going to be honest - which is a risk because it often gets me told off. But here goes ...

People who genuinely want to drink - we'll call them "normal drinkers" - don't come on threads like this. Because, for them, drinking is fun and pleasurable.

I sense - and I know you will correct me if I am wrong - that, when you say "I want to drink," knowing as you do how drinking makes you feel, you actually mean "I can't stand the idea of not drinking." Which is not the same thing at all.

Towards the very end of my drinking - in between the moments of black suicidal panicky misery which are not normal for a balanced human being - I can remember thinking, "if this is my life WITH alcohol, how shit will my life be WITHOUT it?" I am happy to confirm now that, though apparently rational, this logic was a load of bollocks. My life is actually not all roses at the moment. You still could not persuade me to drink alcohol unless you held me down and poured it into me. My life is infinitely better without a drink than with one and, today, I do not "want" to drink any more than I "want" to hit myself in the groin with a claw hammer. And the reasons for that have not changed - drinking alcohol made me angry, and sad, and lonely, and depressed, and frightened, and panicky. EVERY time. I am so glad all of that is behind me.

When I stopped drinking I was not ill, I still had access to money, I had no wife, no children, no mortgage. If drinking had made me happy I would have drunk myself to death, would have thought that it was a good choice to make (definite pleasure now is better than maybe pleasure later, I'd have thought) and would have had no good reason not to (well, my mother would have been sad, of course, but it's not like I had any time to worry about HER feelings when I was drinking.) But, of course, I didn't drink myself to death. In fact, I now regularly go to cold church halls and spartan community centres in a concerted effort NOT to drink AT ALL. Why? For the same reason you came here. Because I don't want to drink. Because it ruined my life.

And the day I found out that I could stop without the world falling apart was the luckiest day of my life.

thanks Mif - you are right

Then stick around, Ma - you are no lost cause!

kandi there is never a good time to stop, had I stopped at my good time, it would have been years ago, I had to get to the point where my drinking was nightmarish. Don't do what I did .

Have you read any of the other Brave Babe threads. They are really inspirational in terms of what people have faced, and also full of useful hints and tips with regards to how other people have managed to stop.

I stopped completely, because it was so much easier that constantly trying to control it, which I have tried many many times - all unsuccessfully . I did it with the help and support of AA. But on a day to day basis. I break it down into ODAAT. One day at a time.
Today I got up and made a concious decision not to drink. I have a booze cupboard full of cordials, tonics, soda water. I make sure that I always have something nice and exciting to drink. I also make plans to do things in the evening. Watch a specific film, have a bath. cook something special. Have you seen the film "About a Boy" - in that Hugh Grant talks about a whole day being too long and so he broke it down into segments, and filled them that way. That really works for me. It meant that in the beginning I was filling in my evenings constructively and taking my mind off the urge to nip to the offie .

Now (6 months in) it's not something that I give day to day thought to! The urge to drink is actually very very rare! But it does sometimes happen, and then I do all the things above that I did in the beginning.

Rambling now, so going to try and do some work.
Bafana

Hi kandi welcome aboard. In understand exactly what you are saying about breaking the habit, and then seeing what happens. If you want to change the habit, then it helps to have some good alternatives on hand to make the new habits more temping than the old ones. So yes, lead up with all the non-alcohlic drinks you like, might like, or might dare to try - be experimental and have fun with the experiment. I'm currently crazy about lemongrass and ginger fizzy stuff, and I get really mad if anyone raids the fridge and drinks MY drink.

I find that keeping my hands busy, my mouth busy and my head busy really helped at the beginning, so knitting, typing, filing your nails, playing the piano, eating whistling singing, doing crosswords, sudokos or onine jigsaws all give you an alternative to planning, pouring and glugging a drink. The next thing to is watch out for times when you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired (halt). These are often particular times when all your good resolutions go out of the window, so over the next few days we'll give you some ideas of how to approach those times.

The final thing I'll say at the moment is about tomorrow. There's no much point in 'hoping' you won't drink. You have to have a really active plan. Get armed with you excuses and practice them "I've got a bit of a headache" "I've had an upset tummy" I've got a rotten hangover" "There's a potential emergency and I might have to drive later".... whatever will work for you. Then as above, get some good alternative drinks in. Make sure they are in the fridge (horrid to be drinking luke warm lemonade) make sure there are ice cubes, and slices of lemon, and a nice glass for you to drink out of.

I always imagined that everyone else drank almost as much as I did, but I've discovered that they don't . Lots of people only have a couple, and I was so busy getting pissed that I didn't notice.

Oh and the very, very final thing. If you find this thread useful, keep on coming back. Even if you fall off the wagon. We've all been there, some still go there often. If it does happen, you might not feel great about it, but please never feel ashamed to come and tell us.

You Ok MIFLAW? You've been a bit quiet of late (but great post today).

Not too bad, just busy, busy ,busy ... and you're all getting on so well without me!

You've trained us well

hello! - im back but im soo tired! i would like to lay my head on the desk and have 40 winks!, hey ho!

hi kandi - nice to have you aboard the bus!

phone ringing, back later

Why would you put your head on a desk - try a nice soft pillow

Ma you are soooo worth it! I have PM'd you.
X

kandi, I'm new too. I'm on day 9 of not drinking a drop. Been drinking too much for 6/7 years. Mainly wine and g&t, it crept up and up and up. I actually remember the day I changed from enjoying the odd glass to thinking "this will take away the hurt". It was 2 weeks before Christmas 2004. That 'method' was applied over and over again, and in increasing quantities from then until now.

I'm trying very hard.........really contemplated a glass of red wine tonight I've had a horrible day, am really tired and only just eaten for the first time today (well, I've had an apple and a smoothie but I'm not sure either count as having eaten).

My day is, sadly, far from over, but, I think I have escaped wine tonight because I stopped everything as quickly as I realised I was about to justify a glass, roasted seabass with fennel and made a pot of crushed, buttery, salty, garlic potatoes, followed by a big mug of tea and a Caramel. In other words, I filled my need with something totally different and filled myself up so that now, I actually feel too stuffed to drink. I find it hard eating without a glass of wine, I love the taste of a gorgeous wine with food and I love the feeling of "this is something for myself". I also know that for the last 9 days, I have actually felt quite proud of myself instead of feeling ashamed of myself.

I would love to be able to drink socially again. A glass or two out with friends for dinner. I might get to that again, I've yet to see. But......I do think my days of being able to sip a glass at home, are over.

Bit down tonight so I am going to try to get to bed as early as possible which will also stop the danger zone. I've never drank in bed!!!!!

Hi kandi

The idea of stopping for a specified period of time is what a lot of people do. In fact, in AA there is a bit in the book that says something along the lines of 'if you're not completely sure that you're an alcoholic, step into the nearest bar room and buy yourself a drink' It's a way of testing yourself because the majority of alcoholics will not stop at the one drink. Having one drink creates the desire for more (and more and more and more).

I did several periods of one month dry before getting myself to AA. I went in the end because the months off were awful and I spent the whole time waiting for the month to end. The last time was the worst because I hit a serious low mood which refused to lift - I even went to the doctor thinking I had developed a depression (never been depressed before or since!), the 'depression' lifted the moment I had a drink but I was on a hiding to no-where with that one and my life became unbearable again very quickly. I want the urge to drink to be gone from my life, which is what I hear (regularly) has happened to people who've been in AA for a while and done the steps. I want what they've got I've been going for just over three months now and I'm about to start step 4 (gulp). The urge has not vanished yet, but the periods of it not crossing my mind are getting longer...

Anyway, welcome aboard and I hope you enjoy your time here. They're a great bunch of women and we understand what you're facing.

venus do you have a link to the lemongrass and ginger thing? I had it with my birthday meal - it was a cordial with tonic water, very nice indeed!

hello all - it's day 13 for me and i'm off to a stay-over-family-party today. they will prob be a bit surprised i'm not drinking but i'm going to cite early waking ds sleeping in our room as an excuse if needed and just discreetly stick to soft drinks.

Nearly two weeks on the wagon bus! Who would have thought it! And i've truely not found it that hard...I had a friday evening "oh shall I just have one glass?" thought at around 7pm last night when DH opened the vino but then I though "why?? One glass is not going to do anything and will prob lead to more" so i just had water.

Hope you all have a good weekend babes

Links here golly You can get it already fizzy or you can buy it as a cordial and add soda yourself.

Hi guys,

thanks for the lovely warm welcome. I am almost too embarrassed to come back as last night I drink a bottle and a half of wine [shame]. I am an idiot...really I am.

However today will be better, I am going to stock up on lovely non-alcoholic drinks and use my will power.

My DH really really wants to help me and he has asked if I could ask you all what is the best thing your partner did/does to help you? Is it not drinking themselves, organising activities, or something else? He is man who likes to feel like he is helping and I think this is going to be hard for him as obviously it is me that needs to sort me head out.

I hope you all dont think I am a lost cause...I will try harder today

hi kadinsky. it is bloody hard and we all slip up from time to time. me more than most. Have been thinking about MIFLAW's last post to me and hopefully it has given me a kick start again.
Day 1 here again today - did think that Saturday wasn't a good day with a retirement party tomorrow, but I actually have a gut feeling that today IS a good day. hard to explain, maybe just feel ready to stop (again) after a long lapsed period.
Today I will not be drinking.
Oh, to answer your question, can't help really as DH doesn't think i have a drink problem so isn't much help

Hi Kandi It took me ages to realise that I needed to separate my drinking from my DH's. Miflaw posted something about his partner's alcohol being irrelevant to him, and it really struck a chord. My DH does drink some wine at home, but a lot less than he was when we used to drink together we were a lethal combination in terms of volume Last night he had a couple of glasses but tipped the rest down the sink this morning because he said it makes him feel too sluggish. I have never asked him to stop drinking to help me, but he has cut down a lot as a kind of knock on effect. For me the best support he can give me is to just let me do what I need to do and not try to dissuade me when it suits him, which he does. Blimy not sure if that helps you or not? x

Kandi
I don't often post. Re your question about DH support. My DH also drinks a glass of wine with supper - I don't find that a problem. The only thing he says very occasionally, which I understand, but does grate a bit is that he misses us sharing a bottle of wine over a meal when out or perhaps having an aperitif before a meal where both of us are drinking alcohol. I am always ready with my non-alcohol choice (I'm a 'Pomegranite and Elderflower' if they have it or lime and soda) and don't have an issue with him being able to drink. But I would love to be able to say 'I'll just have the one glass' but know it will not work for me.

So if your DH just keeps any 'poor me' thoughts to himself would be my suggestion. It's hard enough taking the decision not to drink and continuing in that frame of mind ODAAT, without having to feel guilty about DH - let's face it, in my case that sense of guilt (because of drinking) lasted quite long enough!

Hello to all aboard.

Kandi I'd say that the best thing that my dp did was not to monitor my drinking or to try to persuade me to stop, but just left me to it. Previously when he ever said anything about it I jsut became secretive because I didn't want to disappoint him and I didn't want him trying to stop me if I had a craving.

I think what Miss P's dh does by tipping the remains of a bottle away is really helpful. Having an open bottle in the fridge would be like taunting me.

But we always have whiskey in the house (not my tipple) and that doesn't bother me at all. In fact if dp has been out and had a driunk with friends I find the smell of alcohol on him quite horrible.

Thanks guys, he is one who can take it or leave it so I think he will cut down whilst I am doing this, more as a show of solidarity rather than anything else.

I am now stocked up on some lovely sparkling fruit juices so lets see if tonight will be any better. One of the guests is teetotal but I am worried that it will be noted that I am trying not to drink. Coupled with the weight gain I don't want pregnancy rumours flying around .

Why, oh why is it so hard? I just get so angry with myself and tbh at the moment I hate myself so much that I cant even look in a mirror....but I still always open that bottle. I think people would be amazed I feel like this, I am always the outgoing one at parties and stuff but I lie in bed at night just wishing I could become a different person because I really don't like this one any more.

Onwards and upwards eh?

Afraid I'm massively hacked off today. I so want to drink it numb