He tried to have sex with me while I was asleep

[maristella]

And I'm very fucking angry about it.

The more I tried to stop him, the more he interpreted my movement as a green light. I kept saying let me sleep, I rolled away until I ha nowhere left to go, I kept taking his hands and cock away from me. The only way I was able to make him stop was to get out of bed. He looked so utterly wounded and rejected

It was a new relationship, I really liked him, and this was the first time we spent the night together, and the last.

I fucking hate him, I have rejected all his calls since and he is still ringing and texting. I know I should have spelled it out to him, but I knew I would have been bombarded. He sent me loads of emails saying he wanted to spend the weekend with me and DS; he's never met my DS! I don;t ever want him to meet DS, ever! I emailed back (the only contact I've made to him since I stayed over) and said I really don;t want a relationship. But he is still fucking trying!

I could actually go to the police, which might mean that mutual friends and family are dragged into this, I might be vilified for this. I don;t want or deserve that. I could carry on dodging him. I might flip and call him a pervert and threaten to tell my family and our friends.

I just needed to let that out....

maristella, I'm glad that you were able to get away from him. And that you were able to get to a safe place with a good friend.

You shouldn't have to keep your phone on silent - can you set just his number to silent (perhaps with a redirect to voicemail or a different number) until you get it barred? Two months is a long from for someone to not get the message that you do not want contact with them.

Talk to the police and tell them about both the attempted rape and the harassment. Take a friend with you. Talk to Rape Crisis/Women's Aid about going to the police. I suspect this man could be known to the police already.

And I don't understand the point of view that maristella did not try hard enough to say no or was ambiguous. She should be congratulated for be so persistantly clear.

She had sex with him earlier in the night and did not want a repeat performance because she was asleep. Can read Spud? I suggest you try it.

They had sex. She fell asleep. She woke up to him trying to have sex with her while she was asleep, she said NO, she meant NO. He kept trying. This is attempted rape. NO really does mean NO. All the time.

CatPower, DH and I haven't engaged in rape but there have been times we've pestered for sex, even after the other person has said they don't feel like it and has moved away across the bed.

Does that make us weird?

If that's how you and your DH get your kicks, carry on. I trust my partner enough to know that if he tries to initiate sex and I say "no, I'm really not in the mood", he'll listen to me and not "pester" me anymore.

spudulika fgs! They did have sex the night before, the attempted rape happened in the morning when the op clearly said No several times and had to physically get away from him.
Men are capable of controlling themselves, your croissant analogy is piss poor and insulting. Why not tell her she should never wear a low cut top or a skirt ffs.

This is disgusting, I can't believe what I'm reading. Why is it a woman's job to 'prevent rape'?

FWIW, occasionally DP and I will make advances when the other person isn't that up for it; once in a while I say to myself "OK, I'll do some snogging and whatnot for five minutes and if I still don't feel like it, I won't have sex". And while most of the time I will be up for it after the five minutes, if I'm not that's absolutely fine with both me and DP, who would NEVER assume he could fuck me just because he wanted to.

CotesduRhone, that's exactly the point I was trying to make. I was thinking I must be speaking swahili or something.

"This is disgusting, I can't believe what I'm reading. Why is it a woman's job to 'prevent rape'? "

Couldn't agree more CotesduRhone

By the way, in the thread I read, it was HIS house and HIS bed, so she couldn't very well order him out of it. She had not got into bed with him and then refused to have sex. She did not get out to say no and then get back in again. Your comments have, in fact, very little connection with what the OP has said happened at all. Do you perhaps know better than she did what happened to her that night? Impressive.

maristella, I just wanted to say that I totally support you and what he did was inexcusable. I can't believe some of the attitudes that have come up on this thread.

I would agree with the people that have said it would be a good idea to talk to the police, about the ongoing harrassment if nothing else.

Catpower, maybe you're less knackered than me.

I need persuading and nagging to get on my exercise bike, but once I'm on it I feel good and am glad I did it.

"when the op clearly said No several times and had to physically get away from him"

Sorry - I'm confused. Did he try to have sex with the OP after she'd got out of bed?

OP - what happened after you got out of bed? Did you get back in next to him? Weren't you scared?

Spudulika - you're embarassing yourself. If you read the thread properly, you will see that the OP did willingly have sex with this man, the night before.

Aside from the attempted rape (which is was) - what kind of man just tries to stick his dick into a women without foreplay anyway? Only a selfish arse wouldn't know or care that this is painful for a woman.

I'm astounded by all the posters who can't see the difference between a hopeful man gently trying his luck and a selfish prick trying to get what he wants with no consideration for the women, and who does not stop even when repeatedly asked.

Some of the opinions on this thread make me sick.

What is this, a cross examination? Spudulika, why are you posting these comments?

Spudulika, what on earth are you hoping to accomplish? Well done, along with the other rape apologists on this thread you've ensured that every woman who's read it will now think twice before reporting a rape, just in case they get some moron copper/lawyer/judge/jury who thinks like you do.

Slow fucking handclap from here.

Spudulika, you're crossing so many lines right now it's not even funny.

Allowing yourself to be penetrated by a man is in no way the same as deciding whether you really want to use your exercise bike or not. I actually feel sorry for you, that your view of sex, your body, and your husband is so skewed that way.

You know if you want to have sex. You know when you don't. You also know when you're in the mood to, as CotesduRhone says, snog a bit and see how you feel. The OP has clearly stated over and over that she did not want to have sex with him again. Her saying no should have been enough - and for any decent man, it would have been. The fact he (a) was trying to have sex with her whilst she was sleeping, (b) she had to keep slapping him away and saying no (thinking he would get the point), and (c) she had to leave the bed entirely for him to take the hint it not normal in any sense of the word.

Spudulika - please stop. The answers to your questions are in the thread. Read it. Stop harassing a women who needs support, not interrogation. Are you looking for a way to blame her for what happened? But in case you're too damned lazy to read - no, she did not get back into bed once she got out.

If you had read the thread spud you would see she got out of bed and left, taking a taxi 20 miles to her friends house in a distressed state.

OP is at work. I doubt she'll be back for a while.

Spud, she didn't get back into bed. She left, got a taxi, and went to her friend's place in a state.

Why are you so obviously not keen on reading her posts? Or is it easier to make up what you think she said, and create counter arguments for fun?

Incidentally, after I was sexually assaulted as a teenager, I was in such a state of shock that I acted completely normally with my assaulter for an hour or so after. And then I collapsed, shaking and vomiting. Stress does odd things.

In fact, I'm impressed she managed to say no at all - I couldn't get any words out when I was being assaulted. I've always been rather suspicious of the whole "No means No" thing ever since: I was too scared to speak, let alone say "no". So of course - no point in reporting it, eh?

Spud, why are you refusing to read the thread when you are getting things so 'confused' and so many are telling you so, why don't you actually READ?