He tried to have sex with me while I was asleep

[maristella]

And I'm very fucking angry about it.

The more I tried to stop him, the more he interpreted my movement as a green light. I kept saying let me sleep, I rolled away until I ha nowhere left to go, I kept taking his hands and cock away from me. The only way I was able to make him stop was to get out of bed. He looked so utterly wounded and rejected

It was a new relationship, I really liked him, and this was the first time we spent the night together, and the last.

I fucking hate him, I have rejected all his calls since and he is still ringing and texting. I know I should have spelled it out to him, but I knew I would have been bombarded. He sent me loads of emails saying he wanted to spend the weekend with me and DS; he's never met my DS! I don;t ever want him to meet DS, ever! I emailed back (the only contact I've made to him since I stayed over) and said I really don;t want a relationship. But he is still fucking trying!

I could actually go to the police, which might mean that mutual friends and family are dragged into this, I might be vilified for this. I don;t want or deserve that. I could carry on dodging him. I might flip and call him a pervert and threaten to tell my family and our friends.

I just needed to let that out....

OK. Haven't read whole thread.

"You know if you want to have sex. You know when you don't"

What rubbish. You can start off not wanting sex at all, and change your mind. All within the space of 5 minutes. I've been having sex - normal, consensual sex, for 30 years, and have been in this situation lots of times. Not wanting it, at all. Then changing my mind. Sexuality is complex and sexual desire isn't mechanistic - it can ebb and flow, or flare up suddenly.

OMG - why are people always obsessed with "if she reports it to the police, X behaviour would be picked over" on these threads.

1. OP hasn't ever mentioned going to the police, so why are you bringing it up? Do you think this is some kind of case of "false accusation of rape", that oh-so-common cause of decent men's lives being ruined?

1. The legal system is fucked up in regards to rape convictions. Whether something can be proved or not doesn't mean it didn't happen.

1. Just why are these questions necessary? Are you trying to prove the OP was in some way to blame? WHY? What use is that to anybody?

Just wanted to say I know how you feel OP. This happened to me a few year ago except I couldn't get away. The man who did it had been my bf for 4 years. I woke up to find him on top of me & froze. I did try to stop him & I told him to stop several times. He made out that it was normal (he was my first ever bf) & I was very confused. I didn't report it or tell anyone because I thought every one would have the attitude of some posters here. It happened repeatedly until I finally had the courage to get rid of him. I feel sick writing this now, I've never told anyone.

You haven't read the whole thread. Holy fuck. Well I suggest you do, and/or shut up shop. It's making you sound pretty Ms. Potatohead like.

Namechange - I'm very sorry you had to go through that, and feel so alone as well. Please ignore the idiots on here.

Maristella, when I was stalked/pestered/bothered by a man (senior colleague) for months and months it was only when I text "I am deleting your number and if you text or phone me again I am going to the police" that he stopped. I was given this advice by an ex-police officer.

I had told a mutual friend (female) but she didn't believe me.

Maristella, I went through a similar experience when at University. It was a trusted friend of my (then) boyfriend - who literally came and got into my boyfriends bed, where I was asleep at the time (waiting for him to come back from a night out).

Actually having to physically fight someone off, someone you have some trust in, is very very frightening and I was utterly traumatised for a long time afterwards. My own feelings varied between anger, sorrow and even self-blame and many other emotions. I understand how you feel.

I don't think it is up to anyone else on this thread to judge whether it was attempted rape or not. The op will have her own thoughts on her own experience. There was no doubt in my mind that what happened to me was attempted rape. Makes no difference whether it's a friend, partner or a stranger.

There really is some mind boggling bollocks on here . I know it is not many people thankfully but I am truly shocked that anybody thinks this way .

And also for the record , all this talk of being repeatedly poked in the back which seems to pass for foreplay in some peoples bedrooms weirds me out too .

If I hear no or say no then I take it as no . Why is that so strange for some people to understand .

I'm not shocked by some of the nasty attitudes on here as I have come across them before IRL. Sadly.

And as we're on the subject, who the hell is anyone else to tell maristella that her feelings and opinion are wrong?

"You weren't there. You don't know what happened."

I'll just repeat that for those who clearly problem understanding plain English (I guess these are the same idiots who don't understand that NO is a complete sentence):

"You weren't there. You don't know what happened."

How disgusting that someone posting for support gets this reaction.

Maristella (if you are still here) - sorry your thread got hijacked like this. Not appropriate at all.

In answer to your actual question i.e. what to do now, I would have an informal chat with the police and ask for their advice re how to deal with the situation. I am sure that you will be able to go to them and discuss the issue and seek their advice, even if you do not want to actually make a formal report of the incidents. I suspect that they will suggest that you make it clear to him, in writing, that you do not wish to hear from him again and will regard further contact as harassment - i.e. to draw a clear line that leaves absolutely no room whatsoever for misinterpretation (your OP suggests that you have just broken off contact but not made it clear that you don't want to hear from him - which is fair enough, but it does make it harder to show that this is harassment).

Don't forget: You have the right to break off contact with this guy. You do not need to explain the reasons for this, to him or anyone else, if you do not want to do so. OTOH, he does not have the right to continue to contact you regardless of your wishes to the contrary.

That's good advice Zombie, exactly what I would have said had I not been distracted by the stupidity of some of the other posters

"Why was she sharing a bed with a man who she knew REALLY, REALLY wanted to have sex with her, knowing that she had no intention of doing it."

using thiws logic then you're saying I should never ever sleep in the same bed as my husband.

OP - I think you sould definitely call the police about the ongoing harrassment.

I feel so sorry for the many, many women out there who have so little self-respect that they don't know they don't have to have penetrative sex with the men they're lying beside.

And I suspect some of the male posters here are rapists.

OP, hope you're OK.

are there male posters here? Where?

Maristella, I'm so sorry you had to endure attempted rape, and I'm also sorry that you had to endure so much tripe on this thread. I hope you find some good support somewhere to get that man out of your life forever.

I also feel v. sorry for those female rape apologists who obviously haven't actually come across men who respect women's bodily integrity. They are out there you know, not all men are rapists the way some of you think they are. Some of them can sleep in the same bed as you, really want to shag you, and yet understand that they can't unless you want them too, because they're decent men, not rapists.

It's almost funny the way feminists are told we're man-haters, when we're the ones who insist that men should not be viewed as if they're all rapists. And yet the women who go around telling feminists they're man-haters, are the ones with terribly low opinions of men.

I did some foolish things regarding men when I was younger. I put myself in situations where it could have 'gone wrong'. I count myself lucky that I came away unscathed. I was stupid.
If one of those men I shared a bed with but didn't want sex with had decided to have sex with me any way it would have been awful BUT I would also count myself as partly culpable for putting myself in that situation in the first place. I took a huge risk and I was lucky.

I do not think the OP is culpable in any way in this instance, but it is naive to say any girl or woman should be able to dress, act whatever in a sexual way and expect to do so without possible negative repercussions.

it is not right to dress in a very sexual manner, the signals given off are too invirte sex, saying you are up for sex and then get pissed of because some man actually tries to have sex with you.
And no I do not think any woman "is asking for it" if she wears a mini skirt and low slung top . But she needs to be aware of the signal she is giving out.

Actually OP, I would text the twat and say....

JUST FOR THE RECORD, I DO NOT WANT TO CONTACT YOU SINCE YOU ARE A MAN I CAN NEVER TRUST AGAIN SINCE YOU TRIED TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHEN I WAS SLEEPING AND DID NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER WHEN I SAID NO. I DO NOT WANT TO DISCUSS FURTHER. DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN, IF YOU DO I WILL VIEW AS HARASSMENT AND CALL THE POLICE.

Clear enough for the rape apologists????????

'And no I do not think any woman "is asking for it" if she wears a mini skirt and low slung top . But she needs to be aware of the signal she is giving out.' - what signal would that be? I'd think the weather was warm and she didn't want to get too hot or that she wanted to top her tan while out and about. Or that she felt attractive the way she was dressed. I didn't think wearing shirt skirts was an invitation for men to have sex with me.