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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

OK, new beginnings, new thread, it WAS right to serve divorce papers!

974 replies

Wisedupwoman · 26/05/2011 19:34

I asked the question - Am I right to serve the divorce papers on my chameleon-like but definitely cheating, lying, cruel and manipulative STBXH. You all said "YES". So I have. The story continues.........

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FannyFerknackerPants · 15/07/2011 17:12

I know your DS should perhaps not have sent that message, but I secretly applaud how he is standing up for you! You are fortunate enough to have the most wonderful DCs, Wisey :)

Wisedupwoman · 15/07/2011 18:33

Wine don't mind if I do, cheers, Migrating

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AnotherMumOnHere · 15/07/2011 20:08

I'm with all those celebrating with Wine so I hope you all have a good evening and a good weekend.

TC all xx

FannyFerknackerPants · 15/07/2011 21:35

Can I join in the Wine virtually? Can't have the real stuff, sadly :(

Actually need some big bottles of champers for Wisey :)

Wisedupwoman · 15/07/2011 23:34

Well Wisey has been playing (and losing) poker tonight.

Champers sounds lovely Fanny, shall we drink it out of a glass 'fuck you ptm' slipper?

It's going to rain tomorrow which means very soggy bunny husbandry Sad but no lawn mowing Grin.

Just having last cup of tea before bed. Thanks all, lovely to see you today. Smile

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BeforeAndAfter · 16/07/2011 19:02

Oh boy, hats off to you Wisey. You're bloody fantastic.

Wisedupwoman · 17/07/2011 14:08

Well, well, well.

just had an interesting chat with friend who was a mutual friend of me and XH.

PTM phoned him straight after mediation. Apparently, I came across in a very, very 'positive' light (this is friends word, can only imagine exactly what PTM said). Friend says PTM hadn't expected to see me so together, had thought I had fallen apart. PTM asked him how I am doing, and if I am coping. Friend said yeah, she's really strong and well Grin.

So friend thinks PTM was quite shocked and is worried now about what happens next in terms of how much he's going to lose.

Shame. "I've burned all my bridges" - I should bloody well cocoa.

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Doha · 17/07/2011 14:14

Wisey l am a long time lurker and supporter..

this is just getting better and better for you Smile
keep up the good work

MigratingCoconuts · 17/07/2011 14:48

I'll say it before and I'll say it again....I do love kharma!

Natural justice!! Grin

MigratingCoconuts · 17/07/2011 14:49

clearly his ego really couldn't imagine a world where you might cope, let alone thrive....

FannyFerknackerPants · 17/07/2011 14:54

Wisey, you didn't fit with his script! You were supposed to be pining, pale and desperate and you weren't. Bet he's really taken aback by the fact that you can manage without him. Good for you :)

Kaelle · 17/07/2011 15:10

So good to hear those things isn't it? Takes a lot of strength and courage to keep it so together. Smile I hope I manage the same when my time comes. All too raw at mo-so good to read your thread and read the support ure getting- Fab!

Kaelle · 17/07/2011 15:11

So good to hear those things isn't it? Takes a lot of strength and courage to keep it so together. Smile I hope I manage the same when my time comes. All too raw at mo-so good to read your thread and read the support ure getting- Fab!

Wisedupwoman · 17/07/2011 15:12

Thanks troops!

So what are the odds that he wanted friend to tell me, given he had no opportunity to do that himself?

And what could be the odds of which one of us carries the greatest regret about all this?

I wonder.....Hmm

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MigratingCoconuts · 17/07/2011 15:27

ooo, you're good!!

liking the cynical angle!

touch of 'poor me, don't take all my money' thrown in??

Wisedupwoman · 17/07/2011 15:35

A dollop of that Migrating, a huge great dollop Grin

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Wisedupwoman · 17/07/2011 18:00

Oh, and another thought occurs. He doesn't know about my new job yet either.
He's going to spin, absolutely spin, when he hears my career is on the up whilst he was thinking 'poor Wisey, she's going to really suffer without me..........'

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BeforeAndAfter · 17/07/2011 18:40

Wisey et al

This thread is a masterclass in support, survival, personal growth, wit and humour. It is an education. I would never have picked up Migrating's 'poor me' angle . They should make this thread compulsory reading for couples before people get married. It would make H's think twice and W's would be wise, very wise, to their H's ruses.

Wisedupwoman · 18/07/2011 08:32

I'm with you on that one B&A.

When I first started posting I had no idea how much people would invest in giving their time and experiences. It has all contributed greatly to the person I am becoming in all contexts.

That it could also, in any small way, warn help other's is a bonus. Grin

XH's predicament which roughly outlined is this: "pleeeeeeeease Wisey, take what I'm offering, don't fuck things up for me, I'm special have you forgotten that?" is testimony to the power of MN to bring to bear the sheer weight of solidarity against PTM and blokes like him who live their lives almost entirely in their own heads.

I predict that it won't be long before he is 'innocently' enquiring whether I am in another relationship yet. Because he still won't quite believe that I am doing this for myself. Well he ain't the only one who can have 'friends' and I've got a shit load of catching up to do on that score when I'm good and ready.

See you later, work beckons.
XXX

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Anniegetyourgun · 18/07/2011 08:55

You'd think someone who believed that he was doing the right thing being with his OW, and what he said about the DCs being happy to see him happy, would be glad that you did not seem upset. Alternatively if he were a decent man at heart who knew he had really fucked up, it would be a massive relief to see that at least he had apparently not fucked up your life along with his. (Although he has, of course. But there would be a certain comfort in knowing you could cope and weren't totally devastated.) One might disagree with his actions but would perhaps be able to dredge up a certain measure of sympathy. This, though - this is not either of those men, is it? This is a pathetic whiner who can't understand why he's not the centre of everyone else's universe. Worse, I suspect he might prefer you to be pale and miserable because it would make you easier to manipulate. Not that he wants you to suffer, as such, but your suffering would be a means to his end.

When I log out of one of my computer games I expect to find my characters where I parked them last, unchanged, ready for me to pick them up and march through their paces again at my convenience. In real life, though, people do all sorts of stuff when you're not interacting with them; they go on existing in their own space and having self-determination and stuff. The day I lose sight of that distinction is the day I'll be carted off to a loony bin, dribbling. Yet here is not only an apparently functioning adult, but a psychologist, who seems to expect people to behave like game avatars. No wonder he's getting in trouble at work, and no wonder he blew an excellent marriage and family out of the water.

Sorry, rambling, haven't quite woken up yet...!

Dozer · 18/07/2011 12:24

How insulting of ptm to be surprised! Grrrr.

Am in a bad mood today.

Wisedupwoman · 18/07/2011 19:11

Yet another inspired post Annie.

He certainly is a man who will be able to turn anything which happens around in his head and make it all about him - so when he learnt I'm getting on with my life, when he learns I've got a job on the same grade as him, he will shove aside the creeping doubts that he could have misjudged me altogether, and tell himself that he did me a massive favour - conveniently forgetting all the shit he brought onto us all.

But I won't forget. It's what's going to carry me through the next session when I can expect a different PTM to appear, the one who knows whining doesn't work any more. It'll be dick-waving PTM if I'm not mistaken.

Well I'd like to share something with you all. Wisey's dick is bigger than PTM's.
Grin

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BeforeAndAfter · 18/07/2011 20:07

Hit him around the head with it my dear. Hit him hard on both cheeks with your big swinging dick.

Dozer · 18/07/2011 20:31

Lol wisey! Dick-wanging at mediation!

Wisedupwoman · 18/07/2011 20:34

fucking hell B&A, my mascara's all ruined now Grin

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