OK, new beginnings, new thread, it WAS right to serve divorce papers!

[Wisedupwoman]

I asked the question - Am I right to serve the divorce papers on my chameleon-like but definitely cheating, lying, cruel and manipulative STBXH. You all said "YES". So I have. The story continues.........

[Anniegetyourgun]

You won't see this for a while then, but: congratulations on the job and the divorce progress and your dd being super and all that stuff.

Y'know, by the sound of it, you may have been the only person in STBXH's life, with the possible exception of his parents, who actually liked him. And he even blew that. There's just no helping some people.

[ChippingIn]

The only way I could help someone with RE would be if I had had plenty to drink!!

How's the head this morning??



I am so so so pleased for you!!
x

[prettybird]

Found you! :)

[Wisedupwoman]

Hi Chips

Yes I've had a similar head all day but for self-imposed reasons! Still, it was worth it because I feel great.

there's alot to think about now but I need to wait and see how things pan out over the next few weeks. I'm thinking I may not be in post until August, because I need to wind down where I am and some minor but crucial details have not been finalised yet, like where the post will be based! I don't want to start with things still up in the air in that respect, I'll be on a steep enough learning curve as it is without not knowing where to lay my hat, so to speak.

DD and me are going out to eat this evening I think, unless i've been blown out in favour of 'Hangover 2' with her mates.

How are you feeling? Plenty lem-sip and fluids for you, young lady. "Man flu" - they colonise fucking everything don't they?

[AnyFucker]

< marks place >

< pours wine >

[Wisedupwoman]

Evening AF.

[ChippingIn]

You gave me a fright - I read that as 'I might not post until August'



Yes, they might as well iron out all of the niggles before you get there and give you a bit more time/space to deal with stuff at home. I presume they know your preference for where the job is based??

So - do you have a hot date with DD or have you been chucked in favour of Hangover 2? If you have - phone a friend or a strapping DS :)

I haven't had any drugs today - I have been hoping to 'let it all out' so I can get rid of it as soon as possible, however, now my sinuses are giving me hell so I might have to give in. I have a meeting tomorrow at lunch time (but not for lunch!) that's over an hour away from here, I just know it's going to be a waste of time too - soooo tempted to tell them I can't make it, but it will look bad :(

Good news though - my little acorn has popped it's head out today yay.... only one out of the 6 though :( They have been in the fridge (double bagged) for 18 months, I collected them the day I bought this house then life went a bit pete tong and they ended up staying in the fridge... I planted them about a month ago and it looks like we have one little fighter I know how he feels!!! Amazing how little it can take to put a smile on your face some days isn't it.

[TotallyUtterlyDesperate]

Hoping you have a great Bank Holiday weekend Wisey! have a glass or two for me as I'm not allowed to drink :(

[Wisedupwoman]

Seems I'm the better option tonight so just got back from nice meal - calamari then some sort of salady thing and a chocolate melty pud.

I had a bit of a look at the mortgage market today - it's a bit confusing innit? Just a bit of homework pre mediation/court.

Yes, I know the area I'll be covering (vast, actually) but where my 'office' (or to be more precise in these days of hot-desking, 'tiny space wherever I can squeeze') is going to be, I don't know.

The weeks are flying by, they really are.

Must admit, I first thought my little acorn has popped it's head out today might be a secret MN code for an inner sanctum of MNers .

[Anniegetyourgun]

I thought it might have been a euphemism for a minor but distressing medical condition

[ChippingIn]

Dinner sounds good :)



Yes, the whole mtge thing is confusing.

Will it make much difference to you in terms of traveling to work??

LOL - no code but thankfully not distressing medical condition either!!

[SAIRn3]

Hiya
Really struggling - need some advice - not sure if this is the right forum ?
This may sound odd, but I need some advise, that I am not going crazy. Since I was little my Mum has always put my Dad down, complaining about his ways, what he does, what she does not like about him. Its not just him either, its her 'used' to be her In Laws, her Sister, Brother - Daughter etc etc. Its never her. I have listened and listened to her moaning and complaining. At the end of the day, Dad is Dad, if she is not happy do something about it. She does'nt really enjoy her job and moaned for years to me instead of doing something about it !! I sick of listening to same old record. You can't talk to her, advise - nothing, if you do, she says ''you are being irrational'' or just does'nt take on your advise - and carrys on moaning
Its getting gradually worse, I have had this emotional baggage now (well i'm 36) its really getting me down, I have a family of my own. Is it wrong to think this - should I focus on my family - or am i just being irrational ?
Alot of other things have happened recently, berevement, addiction with other family members and its just getting too much, Mum just does not stop complaining about everyone, its never her doing, no one is allowed a voice, opinion - nothing - its getting really exhausting
There is obviously alot more going off here - this is just a 'snippet' i would love anyones comments xx
Sorry for waffling on.... just hoping I am not cracking up xxx

[AnyFucker]

hi, sair, you need to start your own thread, this is tagged on to someone else's

copy and paste your text, go to the top of this thread, press "start new thread "and off you go

[Wisedupwoman]

Back again. Thanks for redirecting sair AF.

New post will be nearer home but more travelling between sites, but this is good because I have a lease car that currently costs me alot more than i want due to not doing enough business miles.

I have stopped smoking. I kept saying I'd give up when I went back to work then I'd put it off and put it off. I thought I needed it. But something clicked yesterday and made it ok for me to be me again. Achieving something entirely by my own efforts at such a time of upheaval has given me back something I feared was gone forever.

Hangovers will be much easier to bear again too!

[Wisedupwoman]

I notice that the latest (not to be sent) letter to STBXH I wrote tonight is also different in it's tone. much less ambivalent, straight and to the point. I'm working it through and out of my system.

[ChippingIn]

That's even better news than getting the new job - I'm glad you have both given up smoking and feel in the right place to do it :)

Good about the lease too.

Keep writing :)

I'm off to bed now - will see you in the morning :) I'm so pleased things are falling into place for you
x

[Wisedupwoman]

Saffysmum - how are you able to deal with your STBXH's comings and goings to the house, your seeing and talking to him - so well?

[mumthetaxi]

WWW - your post is so painfully familiar. when it first happened 10 months ago I'm ashamed to say I used to make XH wait at the top of the drive as I couldnt stand for him to be anywhere near our house, my sanctuary, when picking the kids up. then gradually he weasled his way closer to our front door, saying the nights were drawing in etc. complete bollox really. I still hated him coming into the house and stood by the door to deter him from entering, its a mother cub protective thing apparently.
now I put up with him waiting in the kitchen for the kids (who are never ready and packed despite my pleadings to "be ready so dad doesnt have to hang around!) The answer is time. It just takes time. I couldnt bear to talk to him to start with and would avoid eye contact. Now I look at him and think what an absolute twit. And why do you drench yourself in that godawful aftershave, its horrendous! Give yourself time and go easy on yourself. And thank god for texting. If he wont redirect his post, relocate the cat litter tray underneath the letterbox and say the cat has a acute urinary infection and needs to have immediate access to the littertray which you have re-sited next to the catflap in the door. Leave all his incoming post in cat litter tray for at least 48 hours before putting in a sainsburys bag, leaving in the shed for him to collect and advising him by text. it worked a treat. Happy weekend everyone. keep all those beautiful chins up! x

[mumthetaxi]

ps. keep off the ciggies too! Four weeks monday for me. Havent smoked for 15 years and started six months ago. had to knock it on the head because it was becoming too much of a crutch and I was like a naughty teenager trying to conceal it from my (own) teenagers. there is only so many times you can "put the bin out" of an evening lol x

[Wisedupwoman]

Hey MTT

Thankfully STBXH doesn't do weasling yet (although he did it aplenty during our marriage).

I've just put everything back in the postal system, sent back parcels which he has sent here, for him and the sender to sort out (or I guess he just pays for stuff which never arrives - shame).

I did have a 'slight accident' with a fag when I was bagging his stuff up - the end fell off and burned a little but conspicuous hole in his favourite shirt. it all went in the shed, which unfortunately he hadn't got round to mending the roof of, so some of it got a bit damp over the time it was sitting there.

ciggies no more, 16 years i was a happy non-smoker, I can do it again

[AnyFucker]

mtt... I think I like you !

[mumthetaxi]

thats the trouble, I've been too nice for too long! but he played with fire Repeatedly without a thought for our children or me. and if you play with fire you get burnt. he has admitted to me that although he was the wrongdoer in all this, he feels constantly on the back foot because he "doesnt know how to handle me any more". ffs. so when it came to taking our furniture (yes!) all I can say is its such a shame about the dead mouse that managed to find its way into the upholstery beforehand. I blamed it on the cat again. lol. now off to wash my hair and drag my sorry arse out into town for a few drinks. happy saturday!! xx ps. wished we hadnt referred to fags because I am now dying for one. will have to make do with secondary smoking over the fence from next doors rollies! x

[AnyFucker]

no more mrs nice guy !!!!

have a good evening, mtt, I raise my to you and WUW

actually I am drinking brandy and coke, but you get my gist

[mumthetaxi]

all I'm trying to say to you hun is give yourself time. I never believed it in the early days but it DOES get easier. Never easy but just easier. I till hate the times the kids are away (for 5 days now) because all I ever wanted to give them was a stable family life with a mum and dad together. but life is what it is and you've got to make the best of it for their sakes. sorry I rant... stepping away from the pinot as we speak. xx

[Wisedupwoman]

Yes, I do too. Gutsy woman.