Hello.
.
PTM was toast.
Opted to wait in ante room. Made entrance once PTM was in mediation room. I saw him looking at me but I didn't focus on him at all, so I think he was trying to smile at me, or at least acknowledge me - I didn't return it. My heart was in my chest for the first 10 minutes whilst the mediator asked us what the issues were.
And then suddenly I was ok. I held my chin up and looked at the mediator almost entirely throughout the 2 hours. He said he was unsure how to proceed with two psychotherapists in the room and I said it's fine I've never conducted family therapy with two lawyers and then it broke the ice - I was in control.
PTM says:
I have burned my bridges where I lived, can't return there. I have lost my bottle as a profesional as a result of the marriage break down, probably can't return there, so am looking to change my job if I don't lose it any way. Mediator says "does that worry you at all ms Wisey"? and I say "no, not at all I exptected that" and a really perturbed look from PTM came back, which I ignored.
PTM says:
I don't feel comfortable agreeing to severing the joint tenancy on the mortgage. I say, "well you dont have to agree, it's happening", get a sol.
He says What about all my proposals? I imagined you would have thought them through by now but you have ignored them. I say "no, my sol isn't interested in emails with figures on them that don't mean anything, and you forget that I have an imagined future of my own. I will let you know once the full financial picture has been disclosed".
PTM says:
I don't know where I will live, maybe X or where I grew up, I don't want to buy another house or take another mortgage. i want to make sure Wisey is ok. I am staying with a 'friend' at the moment.
he says:
What conversations have you had with our DS's that they don't want to have a relationship with me anymore, and I am scared that these conversations will contaminate my relationship with DD.
I say: this is not a mediation topic. I will not discuss this. My DS's are adults and make their own decisions. Any contamination of your relationship with DD took place before you left. This was your choice and the consequences which are unfolding for you are not my problem.
PTM says:
what is happening to my post/my email address/direct debits for bills etc because important stuff is not getting to me and I am being billed for things. I said "not my problem", get your address changed, contact utilities, or get yourself a sol.
etc etc.
i watched him deflate out of the corner of my eye. At one point he got all his stuff together as if to walk out but he didn't, he looked ready to 'cry'.
We are meeting again in september. I agreed to let him collect some more stuff from the shed this evening, and he had to agree to someone being there - he fought but I stayed resolute that as i was going out and there was no one else at home i would arrange for one of my friends to be there. He gave in. Then I got a "thank you" text which I deleted.
So I think it went well for me. I know what he wants and he knows what I want and he knows that I will not be bounced into anything. I just kept repeating the same things "this is not up for discusion, I will take it to my so, and it's not my problem sort it yourself".
Then I got up, said goodbye to the mediator and just walked out without saying another word to PTM.
I read your posts and DD's letter before I went in. She had written lovely words. That I should get what I want, not to let 'that man' get the better of me, that you only get one DM and she got lucky, and that I am the bigger person. She said try not to laugh if he's wearing the purple trousers (dont know, he was sitting down the whole time!).
Long post sorry, bit rambly as I've obviously had some wine and a lovely meal with RL friends.
XX