OK, new beginnings, new thread, it WAS right to serve divorce papers!

[Wisedupwoman]

I asked the question - Am I right to serve the divorce papers on my chameleon-like but definitely cheating, lying, cruel and manipulative STBXH. You all said "YES". So I have. The story continues.........

Yeah, or "Fuckwits R Us" has a certain ring to it....!

Well I'm off for a well earned nights rest. Meanwhile back at disgracelands, I bet there's not much going on by way of manly prowess tonight. shame.

Lovely posts tonight, thanks all.

Well, hi and bye!

So suddenly after weeks of no face to face contact, PTM has texted DD to say he'll take her to football tonight instead of DS.

No problem though, he won't get any information from her.

and he might not turn up Wisey...

Maybe without his day-of-the-week socks, he thinks its Father's Day!

LOL Alldownhill, just glad I don't keep finding them any more!

totally I think he'll turn up alright. I think it's another bit of the game. It's never about what it seems to be.

has he shown??

Hope he doesn't upset DD by saying manipulative stuff.

Or embarrass her with his choice of outfits!

Yes he did, they've gone, won't see her now til later.

I don't think he'll tell her anything as such, but he could well fish, however you know me, I've been completely off bat before!

Hope you have a good evening in the meantime

I was right - it was a fishing expedition. DD has come back early. She says "D was asking loads of questions about you"

I say "oh yes, such as?" She says he asked if you're ok and I said "she's great, really well". He says "is she still going to the gym?" She says, "oh she doesn't need to she's looking fab, her she's got a great figure now". He says, "Well is M selling the house?". She says "No, I don't think so". He says "Well has your DM told you anything about what's going on"? and she says "No".

then he says "I want to take you on holiday to X or X or abroad (both places we've been to, one of them where he's been since he left, with OW). She says "If you try and introduce X to me I'm going to hit her so don't think you can do that". He says "Oh and is that the case for first OW too?" DD says "yes it is". End of conversation.

DD said she doesn't like being asked these things. I told her it's important she doesn't get pulled in to keeping secrets about him fishing as that's a form of manipulation.

So, what's that all about then?

I'm angry and upset though. Haven't shown it to DD, but I thanked her for saying lovely things about me.

Am just trying to stay calm and think to myself he only really has two 'friends' at the moment and they are the two OW. But I also think he's edging towards outing them to DD.

I haven't yet but when that happens I think I will actually vom.

sorry, I must have missed something when i was away??

He has TWO OW????? At the same time??? wow!

The grilling of DD is to be expected given that you are out of his control and he doesn't know what you plaan to do next.

The holdiay plans are up there with 'I'll take you footie training' 'I'll but you lots of stuff' 'You can go to college here and live with me' He does speak a lot of kak.

Yes, there was OW number one of 4 years ago who he has continued with all along and there is OW number two who is the old flame.

Quite mind-boggling isn't it?

I've just texted eldest DS to warn him of impending fishing too.
Please tell me this is still me in the driving seat!

Well has your DM told you anything about what's going on

I think that sums up his visit! He?s got bugger all idea of where he stands. Tough shit!

Having not seen his DD for some time and needing to build bridges, I would have thought that he would have used the time to talk about her and her future, how she was feeling etc.

But the dickhead couldn?t help but try and look for chinks of light the darkness so he has a clue about what is actually going on? and I think your DD batted away his questions beautifully. You?ve blindsided him and he?s realising that for the first time, you?ve set the rules of this game and he?s playing catch up. No longer can he string you along.

The holiday proposal met with a suitable degree of disgust. He can?t be in any doubt that his new love is destined to be a pariah in his DDs eyes, and he?s not far behind. Why do these people think they can move on to another partner and think their DCs will welcome them with open arms. Its so utterly deluded.

The combination of the legal net closing in on him, the call from the CSA and the brick wall which is your ?no contact? rule means that all the stuff he used to take for granted is gone and he?s furiously searching for fragments he can cling on to. You used to listen to him, to care for him, to put up with his funny ways, to be the mainstay of his family. Without all those day to day markers in his life, he?s shafted. He?s done the angry bit and now he?s living on his wits.

Won?t be long until that option runs out!

Gentlemen....start your engines...

You are in the driving seat! You are in a Formula 1 Ferrari and he's in a clapped out older banger (in more ways than one!).

Ignore it all, please just ignore. Let him fish. You did right in thanking daughter for being nice about you - now don't mention it any more to her, and don't you fish. He can't play games on his own - so you decide that it's your ball and you're going home, and leave the silly sod standing on his own. He's scared hunni, he's testing the water....don't react - rise above - you're way out of his league. Ignore, and then, ignore some more....

Thank you, thank you and thank you.

I just needed reminding that I was once important, was actually a source of something he needed which is now taken away and he's floundering around in his garden of weeds.

I won't mention it again with DD.

And acturally Saff he has traded his flashy motor in for a clapped out banger - literally and metaphorically!

And he clearly doesn't know yet that come next monday, I'll be a divorced woman - free.

Also shocked about the two OW!

Totally agree with everyone else. How clueless. Fool.

DD a star once again!

Hi there WUW

Im off again on my travels and wont be about for the next week so I just wanted to wish you well for next week - get yourself a nice bottle of to celebrate. Thats what I do ... every 28 February which was my release date ....... got early release for good behaviour ROFL.

Anyway, hope things all go well for you and for everyone else. I'm proud of you all, you are all a great support for each other.

Keep up the good work everyone. xx

I get it Alldownhill. The first questions he asked were red herrings to soften her up - 'I'm just asking an innocent question about how your DM is'.

The real question was the one you pointed out - what the fuck is happening here?

Like i said, nothing is what it seems with this twat.

... other than the fact that he's a 'clapped out old banger'. That bit you got right!

Shit, I'm back to the early mornings.

The divorce alone is going to cost him about £1500 before we start with the other stuff. So far I've managed to off load a ton more of debt (of his doing)onto his shoulders, without him starting to pay the mediation (what a joke) proper maintenance, spousal maintenance, the equity split and pension rights.

But how fucking dare he even mention the OW to DD in that way? What a fucking insult to our DD that he'd even think it wouldn't hurt and offend her? Not that she's showing she's upset, but she must be - I am.

What an idiot I've been all this time.What a blinkered and trusting idiot. It's not helpful to beat myself up and I know I'll get a arse-kick for that. It's not helpful to wish above all else that I'd found you 4 years ago.

I'm into revenge fantasies - big style.