OK, new beginnings, new thread, it WAS right to serve divorce papers!

[Wisedupwoman]

I asked the question - Am I right to serve the divorce papers on my chameleon-like but definitely cheating, lying, cruel and manipulative STBXH. You all said "YES". So I have. The story continues.........

Good one DD!

Sunday can often be a reflective day. I often find that.

DD's text is a masterclass in being brief but packing a punch at the same time.

Good on her. I hope he has the decency to reply to her with a degree of humanity. He is her DF after all. She deserves to know that she is loved.

Stay strong Wisey x

My grown-up DS's spent almost the whole day yesterday with their real DF - for the first time in many years.

They've been, not exactly estranged, but distant for a long time, in contact mainly by the odd phone call here and there. Weird, isn't it, how things can change? I don't think it means they'll suddenly start making up for lost time - it's the way it should be, but I know that stbx was such a devoted (indispensable) step-D that first exDH just melted away. Now, despite all his words about still loving them and wanting to keep his commitments to them, it wasn't stbx who they connected with yesterday. I'm pleased for DS's and for exDH that they did that together.

I don't want to live in this house any more. Throwing different coloured paint on the walls and moving things around won't change that. The next big challenge will be for us to leave here too.

Thank you for your continued support. It still helps alot, more than you can know.

Oo-er.

Just spoke to CSA on phone. PTM has been contacted today and informed of the claim. "It was a difficult call, shall we say, which didn't get very far and your H is wanting to speak to you about this, but we will proceed in any case" is what the lovely woman said.

Gulp.

Will stay strong, must stay strong.

< folds arms and throws back shoulders>

I'm standing in line behind you.

So its actually catching up with him. "A difficult call" sounds like the understatement of the year!

When you wrote last week about him stalling and not responding, my gut feelings were that the bottom line here will be the finances. The stark reality of having to stump up real money (not airy fairy promises of future generosity) is why his hands have stayed firmly in his pocket. These CSA people will have heard it all. To them, he'll just be another snake trying to wriggle out of his responsibilities.

I bet he thought he could blag his way through this.

That was a lovely tale about your DSs and their DF. Funny how things you weren't expecting suddenly appear in the midst of all the heartache. Plus you get to look at them in a different light. Thats another positive to hang on to.

An email has just plopped into my deleted box (where all my blocked email's go, including PTM's).

I bet it's from PTM, incensed, confused, whatever. But unless it's actually a threat to kill, or some such thing, I don't think sol will be interested really, and nor should I be. I think I'll ignore it, wait until mediation to speak to him with a witness.

I'm getting SO much better at this.

If nothing else, he's predictable... his hackles are up, so its straight onto the keyboard.

Isn't technology brilliant. The email doesn't even make it into the inbox, it goes straight into deleted. I like the fact that the decision is already made.

It must be a bit of a shock for these guys - you know the big, ego driven professionals. When the CSA calls, there is nowhere to hide. He'll be thinking he's not the kind of guy that gets chased by the CSA.

Stick with it. You are doing this on behalf of your DD.

or sings

then again, some hand gestures could be appropriate too!

Predictable behaviour from PTM. If he wants to talk, there is mediation and SOL. He is really obstinate when not in control isn't he! To the point where he hasn't got a solicitor (is that right?), does he think that he can fob you and your SOL off forever?

Is actually quite funny that he persists in emailing you when you never respond.

Agree that it's all about the money for him. Wouldn't be surprised if he now gets a solicitor.

oh, he'll hate that the decision is already made without consultation!

Hey, MN army!

He doesn't yet know that the court is ordering him to pay my costs yet either, so i can expect further red hot emails to follow with lots of words IN CAPITAL LETTERS. Silly PTM

No he hasn't got a sol yet, and when he consults and finds out how much it's going to cost he'll freakin' freak Silly, silly PTM.

I bet he'll be sorry he didn't challenge the grounds for divorce. Bet he'll be sorry he didn't give the real address to my sol as well, because it shows him as the foolish liar he is. Silly, silly, silly PTM.

Bet he's sorry he's dragged his feet about the mediation - wouldn't be surprised if he suddenly decides we need to mediate much sooner than next month. Sadly, I am unavailable until the date he chose, so he'll have to wait. Lets hear it girls.....SILLY PTM

Silly silly ptm.

Ha ha! I used to have a colleague who typed in CAPITAL LETTERS. Used to drive everyone mad. If I remember correctly, the one thing she didn't have was a sense of humour. She was hard work.

You know you were aiming to be a few steps ahead of him. Looking at your last post, he's got masses of catching up to do. Perhaps your Sol has sat tight knowing that PTM is more than likely to shoot himself in the foot. No need for the Sol to go in guns blazing. Waiting for PTM to grasp the full scope of his troubles is like a specatator sport!

SILLY PTM!

Well done Wisey - (gets in line behind the others, but actually wants to push up the front with black and decker chainsaw).

I have a theory about PTM and Lycra man - they thrive off their egos - mine had an ego the size of a planet when he was down, but just imagine, if that ego is being massaged by OW! They feel invincible - they can beat the world. Then along comes the CSA. Along comes a SHL, and suddenly they are brought down to earth with a bloody great bump. They are not bigger than the law, nor the CSA. Bless their little colour-co-ordinated days of the week lycra socks.

Mine got a wake up call when a letter from SHL arrived on his doorstep this morning, telling him that if he didn't respond with 7 days, we will go to court, and he will pay all the costs. I got a text off ego of the year lunchtime, telling me to call off SHL - he was seeing a solicitor this afternoon! Strange, isn't it,whent the mighty fall off their egos, they suddenly realise that us mere mortals actually mean business, after all.

And I expect it will be all the OW's fault. Because it can't possibly be Mr Invincible's fault.

I think that too, Sol has got a flavour of how it's going to go.

Oh, and I bet the new mrs PTM will be rather startled to hear "we know where you live" too! Would just love to be an ickle tiny fly on the wall in disgracelands tonight.

When you say he has to pay the costs isn't this the £340 for the divorce?

It doesn't mean he pays all your costs does it?

TBH the amount is less important to me than the the fact that the dynamic has changed between us. The court is ordering him is the first significant thing. The court has said I am entitled to a divorce because of his behaviour is the second. He can't wheadle his way out of that. And if it goes all the way Sol is going to petition that PTM pays for that too, or a large part of it proportionate to his and my earnings.

PTM has dug himself into a rather large hole, and I don't think I could count on the fingers of one hand the people who would willingly help him out unless he is paying them to. He can hardly now 'fess up to his parents about the true nature of our split, so he's going to have to dig deep because the illusion that he's got superhuman powers to manage me on his own, is blown.

So he can email, phone, text, shit even turn up at the house if he wants to, and he'll get a big fat nothing from yours truly.

There is a god. And she's fab.

Saff I don't have a chain saw but I do have a some nicely sharpened secateurs.
Would you like to borrow them when you get your day in court?

Oh yes please Wisey - but not too sharp - a bit rusty to prolong the agony would be good (hee hee). X

Well it couldn't have happened to two more deserving individuals - they ought to form a support group - lets call it 'Coping with Bewilderment for fuckwits'.