OK, new beginnings, new thread, it WAS right to serve divorce papers!

[Wisedupwoman]

I asked the question - Am I right to serve the divorce papers on my chameleon-like but definitely cheating, lying, cruel and manipulative STBXH. You all said "YES". So I have. The story continues.........

One last (who am I trying to kid here) thing on the subject, I think I should first of all raise my concerns with current sol and see how he responds.

You mean you haven't already? I thought you'd raised the issue with him some weeks ago, but maybe not strongly enough for him to get the hint.

I bet Saffy never had to give a straight talk to her SHL about what she expected from their professional relationship. That's because hers is a SHL whilst, by the sound of it, yours is only a SL.

LOL Annie at SL! Sorry, but that made me spill my coffee Wisey!

I really can't believe that you are going into mediation and that you've had dealings with your SL and he hasn't even said what you should go for. What the hell is the man doing? You're not a plank Wisey, but your lawyer is. I wouldn't even bother raising your concerns with him; if he was any good, (and he's costing a fortune) you wouldn't have concerns to raise, end of.

I don't mean to rub it in, but I walked away from my free hours initial consultation, knowing exactly what my solicitor expected as a good settlement. I know, and thank my lucky stars, that I have an exceptional solicitor, but yours should at least have outlined a settlement for you. How can you go into mediation without that basis? Sack him!

I with the right divorce solicitor - advice please - here

Hope this works - am plank in many ways!

Oh fuck it doesn't work. So I posted in legal. The advice there (from babybarrister) is that what sol is doing is right - no advice can be given until form E has been completed and seen by me before mediation takes place . Then my sol can give proper advice on what to go for.

I cannot be 'bounced' into mediation before form E.

Wish I could get the hang of linking.

Letter from sol just arrived. I will be divorced to nisi stage on 27th June. Judge has ordered that PTM pays the costs. No intervention re: DD required.

I'm actually quite excited.

I understand that the E form decides how much/what share to go for. I have an idea, (as I pm'd you) about what we think we will go for, but until full financial disclosure (either through the court or voluntary), I don't know amounts - but obviously I know his income, and roughly the value of the house. I also know about maintenance - so have a rough idea.

Has your sol asked you to provide a breakdown of all your income, and every bit of expenditure on the house - i.e. all monthly outgoings? Who is paying what - and what you could reasonably afford to manage with?

Well done on the date for the nisi - I want one!! And I want a nice judge to get Lycra man to pay my costs too!

Hey Saff I've got a form E, its huge and lengthy and leaves absolutely no financial stone unturned.

I have given sol my breakdown, but before I saw the form so he hasn't got everthing yet. I may as well wait for the form E from the meidator because that's where the details are documented.

I get it. Both sols examine the form E from each party then decide what to offer/go for. Except in my case PTM is solo flying(by the seat of his pants).

I'm glad I'm divorcing him Saff. I have no regrets.

I'm glad you're divorcing him too Wisey! Things will start to get better and better for you now.

Off out for the rest of the day - retail therapy, then dinner with friends!

Not long til the nisi stage then.

Wouldn't be surprised if the strangely-named-and -scary form E gives PTM one of his health crises!

Hope he doesn't hide anything - I know someone who, when getting divorced, eventually found out that his ex-w had £50k that he hadn't known about. She didin't disclose it but it came out somehow and didn't look good for her. Don't blame her in some ways though, he was a dick.

have just got back from seeing friends previously 'ours'. Male friend says he believes PTM to have gone back off sick, again- rang him a couple of weeks ago, but PTM unusually has not returned the call.

Oh deary deary me. I wonder (but couldn't care less because nothing's going to rain on my parade today) what's up this time?

Chickens and roosting come to mind.........

Ha, it's the dreaded form E lurgy!

DD told me to look under my pillow. There was a ring there, one I bought her for christmas. And a note asking me to accept it from her because she loves me and telling me that she is my future now.

So I'm off to drink wine tonight and do a bit of 'people-watching' by the beach. Lovely evening after some pretty torrential rain. So there'll be plenty to see!!!!!!

see you later if I can still spell.

(hugs to you all).

That's really lovely. Have a lovely evening.

that's so sweet. What a lovely warm feeling to read about the ring from your daughter.

I see that the grapevine is telling you that PTM has had a relapse and is possibly off sick again. Hmm...

Is there a pattern here? When he's not getting his own way and the legal process truth is bearing down on him, he gets an attack of the vapours! My guess is that its a combination of cowardice and bloodymindedness. Wisey you're right - chickens and roosting come to mind.

Oh, and when you say he is flying by the seat of his pants. Would these be day-specific pants, or devil-may-care/whatever-comes-out-of-the-drawer-first pants?

Hope you have a great evening. I have a tiny tear in my eye after reading about your DD - what a lovely girl! My DSs are older too and can be so utterly brilliant (most of the time) - does begin to make up for some of the trials of their teen years!

OK, we'll let the sol off then. Provisionally. At least he's pushing through the things he is able to push through.

And your DD sounds like a total sweetheart. Your tale makes me regret I never had daughters, although of course I wouldn't swap my precious boys for anything. (Even a kitten.)

Just catching up! Good news about the nisi....an end is in sight

Really pleased also that your mind has been eased about the solicitor's advice. Hopefully, you can get through the mediation process smoothly (albeit slowly!)

Hi,

Thanks for your good wishes. Don't know if it's the (mild) hangover or what but feel down again today.

Please don't flame me, I'm only being sentimental, but I hope I'm doing the right thing after all. Knowing the right thing from the thing I want to do, can be quite hard IYSWIM.

Know exactly what you mean and think maybe the hangover doesn't help. Didn't help me yesterday lol. Had a great night out on Friday but boy did I pay for it yesterday.

You know there will be up days and down days. When I have a down day I panic that I have forgotten how to have a good day but they come back again.

Hi,

DD texted her D with 'happy fathers day, would have sent you a card only i don't know where you live'. She's a little Wisey.

in your face PTM!!!

Hope that got through his selfish protective shell