OK, new beginnings, new thread, it WAS right to serve divorce papers!

[Wisedupwoman]

I asked the question - Am I right to serve the divorce papers on my chameleon-like but definitely cheating, lying, cruel and manipulative STBXH. You all said "YES". So I have. The story continues.........

Minesa, I think that is part of it, yes....with a nice noble excuse design to tug the old heart strings about what a lovely caring guy he is...

BTW, why haven't the old grandparents gotten in touch with their grand daughter? Do they even know all this??? Why would ou not want to know how she is doing??

Its all part of the way he operates; he wants to be in control and incharge of what is going on, I'll bet this sort of subtle manitpulation is how he has always operated. But its not quite going to plan at the moment (I'm sure you were supposed to feed his ego by begging a bit, or at the very least you should have answered his emails! and wasn't DD supposed to be moving in with him by now?)

I think he's in for a much bigger shock soon when he realises just how strong the real, free Wisey is

Hey,

I read far too much into it, but Migrating is right. The old Wisey was a worrier in the extreme, always trying to figure things out (including, in the end, him) so I just lapsed into that as I've had no practice yet in dealing with him directly as 'new Wisey'.

I don't know why they haven't been in touch with DD. The story was that FIL was ill and they were keeping the separation from him but MIL knew. I've got no idea whether that's the truth, all I know is they've never rung or written to DD.
PTM wouldn't want them ringing the house, it's far too risky that I'd tell them stuff and he won't want them hearing things they'd definitely be unhappy about.

If you have heard they weren't well, wouldn't it be nice to give them a call and offer sympathy?

Of course, it's what any DIL would do

Gosh Annie, what an awfully good idea...

Oh, no, don't phone them up.

Send a nice get well card:

Dear parents of PTM, we are so sorry to hear you are both unwell, and send you our best wishes. As you know, PTM and I are no longer together, but I hope we can keep in touch, and I'm sure you're aware how much we all care.

I'm sorry I haven't written earlier, but I only found out about your ailments recently, via a letter from PTM to the solicitor, in which he says he is spending a lot of time with you. I can reassure you that I and your lovely grandaughter are absolutely fine, and I'm sure you are reassured by your frequent contact with PTM, that he and his new lady (have you met her yet? I'm sure she is everything he deserves), are well too.

As he made it clear to the solicitor that he is spending only a small amount of time at his current address, and a lot of time tending to you both, I'm sure you wouldn't mind if your address was used for further legal correspondence. It is in all our interests for things to move ahead as amicably and smoothly as possible.

Do give me a call if you feel up to it; obviously I would love to visit, but I'm sure you understand that I'm rather busy with my new social life, job, and of course there is always the lovely family to bring up! Do keep in touch.

Love
Wisey XX

That is so, so tempting. Was only a few minutes ago contemplating a card myself (although my penmanship is no match for Saffy's excellent post!!!)

pick up the pen....pick up the pen....

...pen is mightier than the sword.

Oh you sooo have to write that card. Let us know if anything is said after they have received it as I have no doubt he will try to turn it against you in some pathetic way.

To the poster who mentioned about the old Wisey and the New Wisey, what a fantastic way of describing it! Genius! I love it.

OK, OK, I've composed a little something which plagiarises Saffy's star-post just enough to let them know what they may not yet, addressed to them both, and may expose a lie about spending lots of time with them.

Will buy nice get well card from Sains tomorrow.

Saffy RULES

Cookin' on gas, Saffy, cookin' on gas.

I am in the presence of greatness; I am not worthy!

I really don't see why you are getting his elderly parents involved with this.

You're getting divorced, your daughters relationship with them is through her Father now and isn't really your concern anymore.

And if he fucks it up that's his fault.

She;snot getting them involved. He is by saying that he's with them, looking after them while they are ill, which looks to most of us like a blatent lie. She's a) heard the news and wants to send a card (even if she has other reasons)
b) if it does turn out to be a load of bollocks and there is nothing wrong with said people, that can be put forward in her divorce case as proof that he is a lying rat who will sink to no depths.

Anyway you don't stop knowing inlaws just because you divorce their son. They're still people who she's known for years. And she heard they weren't well. Probably suffering from shock after hearing what their son was up to...

Welnerfermind your definition of how grandparents conduct their ongoing relationships with GC post-divorce does not take account of my PIL's grief at already losing touch with other GC's through their other DS's ineptitude. We're not divorced yet, and if my stbx has been telling the truth then I'm not involving them in anything they don't already know. It'll be up to them what they do, surely.

And FWIW they have always, always been very good to me.

You're getting divorced, your daughters relationship with them is through her Father now the whole point being she doesn't have a relationship with them through her father - he is keeping them apart.

Wisey forgive me if this has all been covered previously, but do you have a solicitor? I would be concerned about mediating with this man unarmed, so to speak. Do you have legal representation?