Dear Kitty1 and Lookinfoxy thank you so much for starting this thread. A year ago I would have got on my moral high horse and thought exactly the way wwifn does, but then an ex contacted me on fb and I fell hopelessly. It was shocking for me, but it did show me that I had emotionally packed. I was hanging on to a marriage that had been over for more than 7 years, but stayed for my daughter, till she asked me to leave. No physical abuse, but a very selfish man, who only came to my bed for sex and leaved immediately afterwards (think I would have gotten more out of it if I charged for it ....). I married for life, and had it not been for this OM I would still be married, and the walking dead. I am now newly seperated, and the sad thing is, it feels no different to being married, except I now get to do my own thing without constant criticism and feeling lonely. I am alone, but not lonely anymore. I am sure many can relate to that feeling. This emotional affair I had woke me up, it made me realise I had options, I didn't have to stay just for my daughters sake. The OM also had a realisation, he realised just how important his children are to him, and decided to stay with his wife. She has gone for counselling and apparantly made some significant changes. Before I came into the picture, she was unwilling to change her behaviour, so basically everyone has benefitted.
I am now facing the divorce process, but every single thing that has happened since the OM came into my life and made me feel desired/loved/wanted/sexy/needed/worthwhile/happy/intelligent/funny and confused, has only served to prove to me that this was the right thing. My husband never knew about it, but the minute I offered him a seperation, he litterally sighed a huge sigh of relief. He practically dragged me out of the house on the moving day, like he couldn't get me out quick enough, and since then has been very compliant with each and every step of the way, and shown his usual lack of concern for my health, happiness or safety. If it wasn't for our daughter I don't think we would ever have contact again. A bit of a shocker when I had put up with so much rubbish from him and kept on trying harder, cheapening myself to try to make the marriage work, all he was waiting for, was for me to finally 'get it', as he was too lazy to implement a divorce himself.
I do not regret my emotional affair with the OM, or anything that has happened as a result. People see me now and ask if I have changed my hair/lost weight, but the change is, I am just no longer stressed and strained by a labourious marriage. So thank you for this thread. And btw, for all those critics out there, it turns out the OM's wife actually had an affair a number of years back that she left him for, but he forgave her for the sake of the children, so no I don't feel guilty even on that score. It seems like him having options took her power away and she had to look at herself. Personally my whole belief system has been turned on its head, yes there are some serial cheaters, but I think for the most part, no-one in a committed relationship cheats unless there is something seriously wrong, and from my very limited experience, it can either put an end to a necrotic relationship, or improve a flailing one.