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Original poster

Anyone had an affair and not regreted it?

416 replies

kitty1 · 20/05/2011 21:43

I had fling with someone and never have regretted it. It helped me realise that my marriage was well and truly over and i couldnt go back.
By the point i had this fling my ex h and i hadnt had not been having sex because he had some issues he coudnt/wouldnt deal with.

I read some where once that when a woman emabarks on affair she has mentally packed her bags and left the relationship , when a man does it its usually because he is bored and craves excitement.

Anyone here feel the same?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/05/2011 22:47

on another live thread

justforthisonepost · 22/05/2011 22:49

I already did AF further up this thread
justforthisonepost Sat 21-May-11 10:17:08

Me.

(name change)

Ex and me had been over for years. Literally.

Didn't sleep in the same bed, or even be in the same room together. We never even spoke to each other. He was emotionally and physically and verbally abusive.

A friend made it clear he was interested in me. I got drunk at a works do and stayed the night. We had an affair for about 6 weeks and then me and my husband split up.

Then me and the affairee split up. I think I had used him to get some affection, some care, some validation that it wasn't normal to be treated the way I was.

I am not proud of it - what I did was a terrible thing.

Three years down the line, and after both seeing other people, me and affairee are back together and happy. He is the man for me, he is my soulmate, he is my one and only.

Gingerbeerandcreambuns · 22/05/2011 22:49

"She has this line that affairs can happen even if your marriage is happy and has no problems hmm doesn't make much sense to me"

She is right and has a lot of insight to know this. Why do you think so many women are in utter shock when they first post about an affair on here?

I think she is as entitled as anyone to have her opinions. Personally I think this an interesting thread and worth a look and disussion but the response to her post has been a bit rabid imvho. If you read her many other posts I think the overwhelming impression I get is of her being very supportive and gentle, especially when she is dealing with someone who is in denial about the extent of the affair because she is being lied to by her DH/DP.

Not sure why she has been turned on like this, do not think it is deserved at all.

AnyFucker · 22/05/2011 22:50

ok, JFTOP, I didn't scroll back that far

my mistake

wileycoyote · 22/05/2011 22:50

Fascinating thread, in my opinion it all needed saying strawbjelly et al..

bleedingstill · 22/05/2011 22:51

AF you criticised SJ for mentioning stuff from other threads and now you are doing the very same to JFTOP!!

Step away from the pizza. It is interfering with your sense of fair play

AnyFucker · 22/05/2011 22:54

BS, fair point

but I had just literally only just posted a very supportive reply to JFTOP, on another thread she started as a result of this one just 2 minutes ago

so it felt like a smack in he teeth, tbh, that she then played right into the hands of someone like SJ

which is my issue I guess < shrug >

bleedingstill · 22/05/2011 22:54

Gingerbeer she is being "turned on"( I don't think she is , particularly , and she is well able to defend herself ) because she sort of veto'd this discussion - which was about about not regretting affairs

justforthisonepost · 22/05/2011 22:55

I have garlic bread.

Will that make it up to you AF? Grin

I just don't think it's always black and white. And some marriages aren't worth saving.

Gingerbeerandcreambuns · 22/05/2011 22:58

"And some marriages aren't worth saving."

Certainly agree with that!

AnyFucker · 22/05/2011 22:59

I guess I learned a lesson

don't post on live threads about threads and then refer to the other thread

and if you are still with me, expecting an acknowledgement of support means you need to step away from MN Smile

Aislingorla · 22/05/2011 23:00

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AnyFucker · 22/05/2011 23:00

"And some marriages aren't worth saving."

amen to that

justforthisonepost · 22/05/2011 23:00

AF - I didnt' mean to offend you Blush

AnyFucker · 22/05/2011 23:02

you didn't, JFTOP, you just reminded me of something

AnyFucker · 22/05/2011 23:04

which is kinda one of the messages from this thread

this ain't RL

abbeyroad · 22/05/2011 23:05

And while I hate to generalise....

A drunken one-night stand can happen to many people who thought they weren't capable of commiting an unfaithful act, it does not necessarily mean it is a marriage in trouble. I have advised a friend, who felt so guilty about a one night stand she wanted to tell her husband, that it was probably better to just talk about her guilt with me and not tell her husband who I know would end it. Still best advice I think but not black or white. She doesn't regret it either, says it was the best sex of her life (!) but doesn't want to leave husband or kids.

If someone has an actual affair which I would count as sleeping with someone on more than a couple of occasions and being emotionally attached, then that is almost always a sign that the marriage is in trouble OR that the unfaithful partner has some issues they need to deal with. Affairs never 'just happen'.

I would never judge anyone though, ever. people are people.

merrywidow · 22/05/2011 23:23

Amen

MrsSchadenfreude · 23/05/2011 05:55

I think it was WWIFN's assertion that starting this thread was "tasteless" that wound people up. It's an open discussion forum - if you don't like/agree with the OP, step away.

DizzeeRascal · 23/05/2011 06:38

Young guy at work is showing an interest. My other half sees sex as a chore. Our libidos are now at opposite ends of spectrum.
One part of me says - what harm can a bit on the side do?
The young man at work has 10 years on me. It would be no strings and would fulfill some unmet needs. I have no intention of leaving my husband.
Just sharing a daydream...

catwalker · 23/05/2011 08:31

MrsS - Similarly, if people don't agree with WWIFN they can step away!!!!!!!!!!

Yes it's an open discussion forum, but it's one called "Relationships". Most people post on Relationships because they have a problem with a relationship (bar the odd person who wants to let people know about their perfect marriage and wonderful DH). It stands to reason therefore that there will be a lot of people on this forum who have suffered from infidelity. Why not start a thread posing a question such as "anyone violent or addicted to drugs/alcohol/gambling and not regret it?"; That would be just as crass and insensitive when their are people on this forum who are suffering as a result of those other forms of bad behaviour. If some people are so morally bankrupt that they think it's sometimes OK to lie/deceive/cheat then the rest of us don't have to sit back silently and watch the congratulatory back-slapping.

DizzeeRascal - presumably you believe you could conduct an affair and your OH would never find out and you would not suffer any feelings of guilt at the deception. Or perhaps you are confident he wouldn't object to you being unfaithful. I presume also that the young man at work is unattached. Otherwise you wouldn't be asking 'what harm a bit on the side could do.

Aislingorla · 23/05/2011 08:43

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strawberryjelly · 23/05/2011 08:56

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chubsasaurus · 23/05/2011 09:05

If you really wanted trouble this thread should have been called 'Has anyone ever been the OW and not regretted it' Grin

chubsasaurus · 23/05/2011 09:06

And my 2 cents on wwifn:

She gives great advice and has helped a lot of people. However, her explanation of how affairs happen and why is only true for some and should not be used as a blanket theory.