Anyone had an affair and not regreted it?

[kitty1]

I had fling with someone and never have regretted it. It helped me realise that my marriage was well and truly over and i couldnt go back.
By the point i had this fling my ex h and i hadnt had not been having sex because he had some issues he coudnt/wouldnt deal with.

I read some where once that when a woman emabarks on affair she has mentally packed her bags and left the relationship , when a man does it its usually because he is bored and craves excitement.

Anyone here feel the same?

just "words on a screen" then, eh ?

sure it is

are they just "words on a screen" when you got your own support on here, and continue to do so ?

why would you join in a personal attack when you yourself have received so much from real people who took real time to support you ?

There wasn't much support on here for you either tbh until it all calmed down. Until that point everyone just left you to it, until SJ posted with her delightful summary.

Looks like a lot of people need to back off. If just one 'side' would stop responding the thread would fizzle out.

WWIFN isn't always right, but then she probably would agree with that herself. Neither is anyone else always right. No one's got the mandate to say another poster's opinion doesn't matter. It's OK to say if you don't agree with someone else's style, it's not OK to blatantly attack them.

.

you can have the last word to me, aisling

it's ok

< opens floor >

Cross posted AF, but thanks anyway!

hey I got deleted, and I'm so nice

some people here should be ashamed and embarrassed, sj and aisling

goosey, have you popped your deletion cherry ?

no this Gb is having an illicit relationship with another GB who isn't nice at all

I mean, the other Gb is me and it's surprising to be on the side everyone agrees with and STILL get deleted

goodness... whatever happened to this thread?
my post's gorn

My deletion cherry has been popped after nine years on MN.
I don't think I said anything particularly personal, either.

Evening. If you haven't already worked it out from the numerous deletions on this thread, please can we remind you of our Talk guidelines, where we ask you all to show each other courtesy and respect, and refrain from personal attacks.

It is, of course, fine to discuss the range of views expressed within the Relationships forum (although that was not, in fact, the subject the OP here wanted to discuss!) but it's not fine to attack one person in particular.

We have left this thread up - despite the multiple deletions - because it seemed, for a time, that folks had stopped the attacks and returned to discussing the OP. But if it continues to revert to a guideline-breaking bunfight, though, we will delete it.

Joalone---- Thank you for your reply.

I'm sorry to hear of your misfortune in your marriage, it is truly sad.

While i will not try to defend myself in every particular I will say that my post was directed towards the overtly arrogant and shameless lot who were flaunting their erroneous logic and shameful behavior.

I am concerned about your commitment to your first love, trust Me i know what it means to question His wisdom and and plan for my life. Especially when it goes on and on and on, why am i doing this ?.....i feel nothing...etc.

Your assumption that i have not been tempted or partaken of forbidden pleasure is not accurate, just because i am advocating strict fidelity does not necessarily mean that i haven't fallen, it simply means that from my experience I have found that Gods ways are not just a legal set of rules keeping me from doing what i "should do" or "want to do", but that His ways are above my ways and that he wants what is best for me so i know that i can trust him as i keep his laws of chastity and fidelity, when we harden our heart and make up our own laws we inevitably fall into trouble we lose our way...and i dont necessarily mean "go to hell" or "damned", but we lose our way in the sense that we lose our peace of mind knowing that we are officially on our own, and that God has officially (supposedly) failed us.

Our value is all tied up in how much He loves us, without that reference point we have no anchor to know what price we are bought with, we are lost at sea.

Well I will not keep you at this I just wanted to thank you for your reply.

PS: At the end of that long and sad road that you are on you will find that He will be waiting for you....not as your judge, but as your friend asking you if you are tired of doing it alone and that if you want him to walk with you he will be glad to do so. He was there for me and I chose to walk with him even though i felt like I had slighted him to deeply, I accepted his offer and he never judged me.

Goodbye JAlone,

Thankyou Helen.

I decided to stay well away from this thread once it became personal and nasty, but it has helped to realise why posters decided to act like that. Nothing has altered the opinion expressed in my last post on this thread - what I have to say will always touch a nerve with people struggling to rationalise the choices they are making. It's much easier to hit out, than look inwards.

Ironically enough, if ever proof were needed or a mandate given so clearly for me to continue posting, this thread and the public and private support I've received, has provided it. Since I have never claimed to be an expert and have always been truthful about my work and my experience, I will continue to write as I have always done. If other posters disagree with my opinions, then they are as entitled as anyone to do that on each thread. OPs and other contributors can, as has always been the case, decide the merits of the opposing contributions.

It is transparently obvious that threads like this occur when a few individuals lack the ability to persuade others to their point of view, on individual threads. Re-packaging that frustration and jealousy as "concern" for vulnerable posters and most disingenuously, as concern for me personally, is reassuringly obvious in its motive.

The theme of failing to look inwards permeates this behaviour, as it does others.

I will not be changing.

WWIFN: You have as much right to post your views, advice and experience as anyone else does, of course, but a 'mandate'? This is an internet forum, not the Shadow Protocol. It's not about 'winning'. Other posters may be frustrated by your (or anyone else's) posts, sure, but it's not about jealousy, it's about disgreeing with someone and feeling (in all sorts of cases, again this is not just about you and your views) that the advice someone is giving is wrong and possibly harmful and wanting to correct that.

Yes and each poster can disagree on the thread concerned SGB. As you identified, you and I have disagreed about some things and agreed about others. But we have always done so on a thread by thread basis, because that is the mature and responsible way of acting on a forum. And as far as I can recall, we have never felt the need to resort to attacks on the other's personal life.

strawberryjelly I have reported your private message to me.

I have been lurking on this thread and would like to add my point of view.people who have affairs are not ,bad,misguided or anything else ,they are just human beings who for their own personal reasons end up seeing someone else outside their marriage. many of these people then go on to have a very happy life with the person they have been seeing.It is not for anyone to judge them.Im sure its not an easy road to take and i am sure they all go through much turmoil at the time.And every case is different.On the side of their husbands,yes it must be upsetting, but there has to be a reason. Their marriage has to be lacking something which people then seek elsewhere.It is not a simple task to try and help everyone and i would think its just not possible because no-one on this site knows the full background / details.Sometimes people just outgrow each other. That is no-ones fault.

WWIFN: OK, fair enough, chasing people all over a forum to yell at them is not on, though sometimes people refer to previous threads when it's relevant. And I certainly don't have much time for people who send nasty PMs to other posters.

WWIFN I am saddened that you felt the need to go to MNHQ about a message I have sent.

What I said in that message was not a personal attack; in fact I went out of my way to not be offensive. What I did say was in direct response to the accusations you have made to me and others in your post today.

You are fully aware that there was a lot of emotion on this thread, yet you decided to come back and assert that you would not take any notice of any of the points made and carry on, and suggest that anyone who challenges you is doing so not because of what you write, but because they are jealous or unable to persuade posters of another point of view.

You are entitled to do so, but I am also entitled to PM you- which was intentional so as not to exacerbate the feelings running high here.

I don't always agree with everything WWIFN writes but I do hold her in high esteem. If we were to lose the benefit of her hard won wisdom and intelligence, freely given, we would be fools. There is room for many viewpoints on this forum, we don't all have to agree.

I have not been on Relationships for a week or two, and am astonished at the turn this thread has taken. I can't see how wwifn's comment of tastefulness was taken to heart. She didn't close the thread, report it, couldn't have and wouldn't have. All she did was state her opinion on it. That's allowed. People don't have to agree with that view, but it's rude in the extreme to start casting aspertions on her marriage and time spent on here (giving help and advice, freely and with good heart). I agree with her, dressing it up as concern for her marriage is patronising and bs.

To the subject, I did have a relationship with a mm. We met when he was married, I declined to get involved, he came back a year later when he left the marriage. I thought, in my naivety, that all would be well. Even though he left the marriage, he hadn't left the pull of his family and the pain of not living with his kids permeated every waking moment. I don't know about him, but I don't regret what we had, however I don't ever reccommend it. The pain was indescribable. I spoke with him two years ago, he tracked me down, won't tell me how, and is now about to leave his third marriage. WWIFNs comments on individual vulnerablity to affairs is borne out.

I think there is a place for this type of thread though. It's not an easy subject but it's here, and it's not going to go away. Lets keep talking but keep talking to each other, not about each other.

Can I just ask if any of the other men/women on here feel more comfortable now discussing this topic, either on this forum or indeed this thread?

hope so

deb

That's a good question deburca, and I think the answer is yes. I think the wind blew in and now we're clearer that just because something is difficult, it still has to be aired.

I'm a second wife, my dh was married for five minutes before I met him (well, ok, a year!) and I have been on the receiving end of lots of barbed comments from women about sloppy seconds, stealing a man from his wife and so on. As it happens, I didn't, he was divorced three years when we met. But, even if we had met whilst married, I don't think it's ever as clear cut as people would like to make out. Men are not powerless and out of control of their emotions, women are not all powerful and I don't own a lasoo that I use to drag men form their women. I realise there are many types of affairs, and it's important that all parties, who need to open up, can do, in a safe and non judgemental environment.

Or they can come on here I s'pose