MrsMiggins takes control of her life BACK

[MrsMiggins]

here it is then....have to still be MrsMiggins as its the lady out of Blackadder and nothing to do with my RL.....

God this is going to be so hard

I feel calm again
Had a shouting/crying fit at tea time so DS & DD were crying too then left them eating icecream in the kitchen

Then just spoke to H on phone & couldnt help myself - getting cross and accusing with him while I could hear the dispair in his voice.
Hes just said about talking about money etc so again, why cant I believe that its final?

feel a bit sorry for HER being in hospital although last night I suddenly wondered if she was pregnant and thats why he left - after all he allegedly ended it 8 weeks ago....see doing it to myself again

I must print off Ggglimpopo's list and stick it on every phone in the house :-

I will not cry/beg/plead/yell
I will be cool, dignified and distant
I will pamper myself
Myself and my children are the most important people in my world
I will eat at least one delicious thing per day
I will buy something I lust after and display it where it will make me smile (shoes did it for me)
I will have a to-die-for haircut

I deserve better. He will be sorry.

However I feel calm again and am going to finish the kitchen, and am going to have a lovely weekend, and have booked a babysitter for Monday night so I can go to the gym, and I have a lovely new handbag which says "ILCK - If Looks Could Kill", and new jeans & top, and bought DD lovely cardigan - I dont usually buy brand new clothes for my kids but H never fails to buy himself lots of new clothes.

and my friend said last night that if he goes skiing in the spring with HER, why dont I go another time? after all he has holiday and can look after the kids - even if it was just a long weekend....and shes right - if hes going to have them at weekends, I need to start saving so I can do nice things for myself

thanks you guys

I know I dont know you personally but you really have helped me from going mad

I will try to rant on here if I feel bad rather than lowering myself to rant at H who clearly doesnt care....

It's just bl**dy hard, isn't it?

in that respect Im lucky as H has chosen to live 2 1/2 hrs away so I will never have him popping round during the week
I think most he'll want will be every other weekend but for a while he will have to come here as although he loves them & they love him, he hasnt spent enough time looking after them to have them a whole weekend
maybe Im being over protective but until he gets his house sorted out, I dont see how they can go anyway. I think he is renting or living in a hotel at the moment so although ive been kicked out today, it comforts me to know the kids are in familiar surroundings

it is hard Winnie and especially when you dont want to be in this situation
he'll go home to single life with GF tonight and Im back to single parent....but I know which one id rather be
30 more minutes

EeneyMeeney - I might do that but trouble is its Sunday so where would I go for a couple of hours at 5pm?
could go to the gym AGAIN I suppose but I would be knackered

I might just come back on MN

Leave him as long as poss!

I'd go to the cinema,then have a drink or afternoon tea in a smart hotel with a pile of papers.
Lovely!

i promised DS I would be back in time for tea so thats 5pm (ish)

will have to be more organised next time

trouble is that if you read my thread earlier in the week, I was going to spend all day with him & the kids until I found out he was in the pub on Friday and then he was quite threatening about what I coudl or couldnt do

my nephew & neice r both screaming downstairs
wish theyd go home so I could go downstairs and sit & chat to my parents
no such luck - they'll be here til 5 I reckon

I don't think you are being over protective the children do need familiar surroundings adn he needs to learn what it really means to be a father.

yes Winnie but whats the betting hes either on the computer or reading the newspaper - either way I bet kids are stuck in front of the TV

I can't play 'happy families' either... not whilst I feel such pain inside. I thought we were a happy family. FWIW, I think you were right to go out and leave him to it today.

Well if they are you won't be dissappointed will you ???

And if they are, make a note of it, and BTW make sure you password protect your PC. You don't want him noseing through your stuff.

oh, I'd be fuming if that is what he is doing

As if he doesn't get enough time not being daddy

I could do it BUT I dont want DS to think that everything is back to normal
AND they all need to get to know each other better and he needs to change nappies and make food and mop up tears

he will really find it hard when he does have them for a weekend but I guess he'll have GF to help out

hes quite a whizz on PC so he may be able to get round it if I put a password on...having said that, he shouldnt be on the computer as hes meant to be spending these precious hours with his children

he'll have wiped any internet cookies so I cant tell

still DS will tell me whats been happening

something tells me gf will not be much support and help... in fact it would be a dose of reality for her but I hope they don't get to meet her for a long, long time.

yes, one of the things about small children is they tell you everything whether you ask or not. I know ds does this to h too

am home
couldnt stay at parents any longer
DD in bed
DS sitting on daddys shoulders in the lounge
H is reading newspaper AND watching something like Top of the Pops

still they have been to the park and made cakes so thats something and doesnt look like

he is sitting in the lounge chatting to me about general things - Im just not interested in making small talk with him so have come up here on the computer

Hi Mrsmiggins,
Just wanted to let you know I'm here reading and wishing lots of strength today. Sounds like you are doing really well so far. Hang in there.

If Sundays don't leave with anywhere to go (shopping, dinner, whatever...) then why don't you ask him to do Saturday nex time.

hes gone...before bath or bed as "very tired and I have a 2 1/2 hr drive"
aaaahhhh

Only cried once & thats cos he said he was coming on Friday to see the kids & stay over night so I could go out....except he thought I wasnt coming home that night at all and so when he realsied I would be sleeping there too he said he couldnt do it because :-

1. would have to discuss it (sounds like she has told him he cannot sleep in same house as me) did
2. didnt want to sleep in the spare room I ve told him he is NEVER sleeping in our bedroom again - cant believe he thought he could

have told him not to bother and he can come all day Friday but I will get a babysitter

do you know? as soon as he realised I was going to be sleeping too, he started making excuses and doing all that nervous rubbing of neck and face that people who are lying do....I reckon he must be getting stick from her already for agreeing to stay overnight in our house

he also started going on about money & the house again and I stood my ground pointing out that I would get more than 50/50 equity, that I couldnt afford to buy him out so he may have to let me live here and not get his money until kids are 16 or I remarry

he has agreed to start paying an amount but I think I will get advice before I just agree

blurted out that Ive taken legal advice whihc am now kicking myself for BUT it made him realise am not taking this lying down

and I have to say I feel calm now he has gone

he was making me miserable
he is clearly a wimp who is now at beck & call of this b#tch - they are welcome to each other

I will deffo stand my ground on access for a while too as I just dont believe that children should meet this women so early on - he only left 14 days ago

besides having the kids over the weekend is very different to 5 hrs today

going to sort out my finances tonight so I can work out whether I can stay here
I would like to for 3 reasons:-

1. stability for kids
2. lovely big house & garden
3. would mean he will struggle to buy a house as no deposit

Can I suggest that you start to keep a contemporaneous diary of all contact with him? This means that you write up every night what has been said/done/agreed so that, when it comes to court (as it will do eventually) you can show what sort of parent he has been (or not).

good idea
I have started - already written down the phonecalls that hes changed the time and 2 out of 2 visits where hes turned up late

Im not being vindictive and I do accept that if this woman is the love of his life that she will play a part in my children's lives, but not after 14 days
he is not thinking straight and so I need to think about the children

I accept he cant live in hotels for 6 mths & therefore needs to rent with HER but that doesnt mean the kids have to stay there to begin with

DS still cant accept that we're not moving down to live with daddy so what is seeing another woman in daddy's bed going to do?
H just doesnt seem to think that will matter

maybe Im wrong & it wouldnt matter but I think in light of his behaviour this year, 6 mths is fair enough

Well done Miggins!! I have this sneaking suspision that Mr. Miggins is going to find lady tramp to be much needier than you. What a miserable git. Hope he gets all he deserves.

Well done Mrs.M! You sound very calm and rational (which isn't easy in the circumstances).

I agree keeping a contact diary is a good idea.

How funny that he is so obviously having a hard time with her... they deserve each other. (I wonder how your email went down!)

Good reasons for needing to stay in the house too

Take care of yourself x

bastard has just phoned me "to see if the kids went down OK"
Why? was he going to turn round & come back?
hes an idiot
I do wonder just how good a life he is having

unfortunately I remember what he was like when we first started dating and he was love-sick infatuated puppy...clearly like that with her

hope she is giving him stick