MrsMiggins takes control of her life BACK

[MrsMiggins]

here it is then....have to still be MrsMiggins as its the lady out of Blackadder and nothing to do with my RL.....

God this is going to be so hard

I feel calm again
Had a shouting/crying fit at tea time so DS & DD were crying too then left them eating icecream in the kitchen

Then just spoke to H on phone & couldnt help myself - getting cross and accusing with him while I could hear the dispair in his voice.
Hes just said about talking about money etc so again, why cant I believe that its final?

feel a bit sorry for HER being in hospital although last night I suddenly wondered if she was pregnant and thats why he left - after all he allegedly ended it 8 weeks ago....see doing it to myself again

I must print off Ggglimpopo's list and stick it on every phone in the house :-

I will not cry/beg/plead/yell
I will be cool, dignified and distant
I will pamper myself
Myself and my children are the most important people in my world
I will eat at least one delicious thing per day
I will buy something I lust after and display it where it will make me smile (shoes did it for me)
I will have a to-die-for haircut

I deserve better. He will be sorry.

However I feel calm again and am going to finish the kitchen, and am going to have a lovely weekend, and have booked a babysitter for Monday night so I can go to the gym, and I have a lovely new handbag which says "ILCK - If Looks Could Kill", and new jeans & top, and bought DD lovely cardigan - I dont usually buy brand new clothes for my kids but H never fails to buy himself lots of new clothes.

and my friend said last night that if he goes skiing in the spring with HER, why dont I go another time? after all he has holiday and can look after the kids - even if it was just a long weekend....and shes right - if hes going to have them at weekends, I need to start saving so I can do nice things for myself

thanks you guys

I know I dont know you personally but you really have helped me from going mad

I will try to rant on here if I feel bad rather than lowering myself to rant at H who clearly doesnt care....

Mrs M you are always going to have bad days and good days. He is seeing to that and by being nice and saying sorry he is simply trying to get rid of his guilt. Dont allow him to offload on you I know that is what my dh is doing!

thanks QueenVic & glitterfairy
everyhting you've both said has rung true

and I know I can take control again - I think the money issue hanging over us isnt helping and access - I have told him to come tomorrow with a list of how he sees things and we'll see if we can reach an agreement

I am still going to ask Solicitor today to progress with divorce proceedings as otherwise I'll be living to his timescale again and I need to cut that tie and show him I'm moving on

I do believe, in my own personal opinion, that the sooner you start thinking of your family as a unit of 3, and removing him from the equation in all of your everday decisions etc the better. So as soon as finances are set all you will ever be required to speak to him about is access visits. He should play no part in your life at all - only your kids IYSWIM.

Its not how you would have chosen things to be but since you have been thrown into this situation the sooner you start calling the shots, living your life to suit just you and the kids, and removing the remains of your "partnership" the more comfortable you will feel.

Hope you're doing better today, MrsM.

Yeah, I'd be inclined to go for divorce. He certainly likes the view from both sides of the fence! But there are kids involved here. What's better for them - Daddy coming back and forth b/c he can't decide what he wants and doesn't seem to put them first in the whole thing - or a clean break and moving on to a stable routine to which they will grow accustomed?

He doesn't seem like he's taking into account what's best for a) you b) the kids.

Wants to have his cake and eat it, too. 'Oh, well, if it doesn't work out w/my mistress, I can go back to my wife.'

And yeah, I think part of it is that if you are divorced, it is entirely possible that one day you will find someone else. Probably someone who won't lie, cheat and betray you.

Mrs Miggins,
The skeptic in me has to wonder if your H has proposed mediation to keep you away from the solicitor. I wonder if Lady Tramp (who has already been divorced so might know a bit about the process) has warned him that he's got the short end of the stick in the court room. Surely mediation suits HIM... What a surprise. He's thinking of number one again, isn't he.

Well, I could be wrong but I certainly would think his intentions were good -- not after he's shown his true colors like he has in tha last two-three months.

Mr. nice guy he is not!!!

Sorry "... woundn't think his intensions were good.."

I agree, uwila. Someone who HONESTLY wanted to go thru mediation and work things out would NOT have acted and continue to act as he is doing now.

VEry true but if she doesnt go with mediation it will reflect badly on Mrs M in court, no?

As badly as him leaving the family for another woman? Not necessarily, especially as he is attempting to manipulate her financially.

A solictor could advise her on this, and fortunately she is seeing one today.

If MrsM requires legal aid, then agreeing to mediation is a pre-requisite. Even if you agree to mediation, there is no obligation to come to an agreement through it. Matters could still be sorted between the solicitors or in court.

The problem with mediation is that it is only ever likely to work if both parties can trust each other to be honest. The way MrM has acted, it doesn't strike me that MrsM can trust him to be honest and to put the welfare of the children first.

Don't think she is requiring Legal Aid.

But yes, his past and continued actions aren't showing someone who is being particularly honest.

hello

I will be getting legal aid as goes on my income alone....Im all for mediation but lets just see what he thinks
solicitor has advised me that if mediation doesnt work I can do it all through her.
its actually financially in his interest to make mediation work (costs wise) and I will point this out to him as ti seems that money is the only thing he understands

am off work again (holiday) so that tomorrow I have a clear head & everything sorted in my mind

have typed up notes from solicitors meetings
am going to tidy house
then going to the gym

Good for you, MrsM! You seem to be keeping the kids' and your interests first, as it should be.

fwiw we have something here (Essex) called collaberative legal practice whereby you and your lawywer sit down with ex and his lawyer and draw up agreement round the table rather than going through court. Supposed to save time and money plus puts things on legal footing (as opposed to mediation) worth asking about?
Both lawyers would need to be signed up to a collab pract scheme.

Mrs. M. enjoy your day off. Thinking of you, Winnie

Sound like you have your head on straight Mrs. M. Enjoy your day off. I'm of work today too.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

what an a#se of a soon-to-be exH
I have worked out finances etc and sent him an email explaining things so that we dont waste time tomorrow
I asked if he could pay half nursery fees with me on top of money offered, and he said prob couldnt afford it (oh but I can!!!) and then asked if he could pay less money when kids were both at school
he has no idea and it really starting to p#ss me off...the sooner all the money side is sorted out the better cos I only feel wound up when had some contact with him

If you are claiming Legal Aid it is one of their conditions that you go for Mediation. However this does not, and should not, stop you from consulting your solicitor too. You can ask for notes to be made by the Mediator that you can then present to the Solicitor to further your case in court. So if he is an arse, it will show!

Mrs Miggins what can I say? He is, I agree, an arse!

I am by his remark about paying less child support once the children are at school. Bloody hell...

No wonder you are furious

Have you looked into your entitlement ot tax credits as this can help with your childcare (depending on your income) and all child support is disregarded as income; so you'd get any entitlement PLUS allchild support.

Print and save the email response he sent you and start a dossier. In fact, do everything via email w/him - then you have a nice record of it.

He 'can't afford it'? Well, that's for the judge to decide - the judge who is probably sick of seeing the state or single parent having to pick up the tab when the other parent wants to run off and shag something else.

Sorry, but it doesn't work that way, Mr Miggins.

It'll be different childcare costs though wont it - school uniform, books, school trips, etc etc instead of nursery fees. He doesnt have a clue or he is being an arse.

Let him bluff about what he can and can't afford, at the end it is not on his hands to decide how much to pay once the divorce process starts. They will see how much he earns and from that the court will decide. He has to pay what he has to pay, period.

PS> But if he still has papaers from work at home please photocopy every evidence of his salary inc inland revenue docs.

chandra - I did that the moment he left and copies of his ISA account which is HUGE

he'll be here any minute now
feel sick
kids at parents and left younger one crying - maybe shes picked up on my mood this morning
WILL NOT BE BULLIED
soooo glad I went to solicitor's yeaterday as she has told me exactly what to do
he's clearly taken no advice whatsoever apart from perhaps from HER but her situaiton is diff as no kids.....

Oh Mrs M big big mine has just left! He is a total waste of space.