MrsMiggins takes control of her life BACK

[MrsMiggins]

here it is then....have to still be MrsMiggins as its the lady out of Blackadder and nothing to do with my RL.....

God this is going to be so hard

I feel calm again
Had a shouting/crying fit at tea time so DS & DD were crying too then left them eating icecream in the kitchen

Then just spoke to H on phone & couldnt help myself - getting cross and accusing with him while I could hear the dispair in his voice.
Hes just said about talking about money etc so again, why cant I believe that its final?

feel a bit sorry for HER being in hospital although last night I suddenly wondered if she was pregnant and thats why he left - after all he allegedly ended it 8 weeks ago....see doing it to myself again

I must print off Ggglimpopo's list and stick it on every phone in the house :-

I will not cry/beg/plead/yell
I will be cool, dignified and distant
I will pamper myself
Myself and my children are the most important people in my world
I will eat at least one delicious thing per day
I will buy something I lust after and display it where it will make me smile (shoes did it for me)
I will have a to-die-for haircut

I deserve better. He will be sorry.

However I feel calm again and am going to finish the kitchen, and am going to have a lovely weekend, and have booked a babysitter for Monday night so I can go to the gym, and I have a lovely new handbag which says "ILCK - If Looks Could Kill", and new jeans & top, and bought DD lovely cardigan - I dont usually buy brand new clothes for my kids but H never fails to buy himself lots of new clothes.

and my friend said last night that if he goes skiing in the spring with HER, why dont I go another time? after all he has holiday and can look after the kids - even if it was just a long weekend....and shes right - if hes going to have them at weekends, I need to start saving so I can do nice things for myself

thanks you guys

I know I dont know you personally but you really have helped me from going mad

I will try to rant on here if I feel bad rather than lowering myself to rant at H who clearly doesnt care....

Apply to divorce his ass on grounds of adultery.

Seems to have gone a bit quiet here. Mrs. Miggins, I hope this means you are at the solicitor or on the phone to the locksmith.

Hang in there. You have sooooo many friends here on mumsnet routing for you.

thanks for all your advice & will go to heAlth shop after work - interesting that eczema clearly is stress related

am at work
lost the plot an hour ago but ok now
will sit it out for another 2 hours and then go home

spoke to H this morning before work & ended up screaming at him. told him to ring me when Im on way to work as trying to talk about nmoney with DS around is too stressful. Poor DS Asked if i was cross wiht me, and then was I croSs with daddy to which Im afraid I said yes. but I didnt say why so I guess all I did was show DS its OK to be angry.....

I know it suits H to paint me as "physco b#tch" but I am always calm if Im by myself....its when DS is around I get stressed cos I dont like talking about my concerns in front of him.

funniest thing was I ended the conversation by saying that we'd have to get solicitors involved to sort out the divorce...bit early he said. No, Im getting one within next 6 mths.
"why do you want to be free to marry in May" he said

maybe he thinks I already have someone lined up
maybe although he doesnt want me, he doesnt want anyone else either
what a prat

Sounds to me as though he is hedging his bets. Wants his life as it is but doesn't want you to move on at all. Maybe he thinks that, when things calm down a bit, he can come back and everything will go back to "normal".

I think a lot of people when having an affair think abstractly about the possibility of it splitting their family, but the reality is a lot different and they find that hard to cope with.

Stick to your guns.

Next time he asks that stupid question I guess you'll have to explain that you just want to be free in May, and your freedon doesn't depend on finding someone else to lean on. Tell him you will be standing tall, on your own two feet, in May.

Clearly he doesn't have the strength to stand on his own, or he wouldn't need tramp team leader.

Oh blimey, meeting in ten minutes. Gotta run. Will check back later.

Hi MM haven't been on in ages with one thing and another but you are doing so well. So sorry he is making this so hard for you, but keep talking you have so many people you can rely on here.

Hi MM haven't been on in ages with one thing and another but you are doing so well. So sorry he is making this so hard for you, but keep talking you have so many people you can rely on here.

Hi MM haven't been on in ages with one thing and another but you are doing so well. So sorry he is making this so hard for you, but keep talking you have so many people you can rely on here.

Agree with Freckle, it just seems like men don't "get it" sometimes. They think they can screw around and then pick up at home when it suits. I guess he didn't anticpate you going down the divorce route. Not sure what he expected tho' ( for you).

When I divorced my ex-h, I instigated proceedings swiftly and found it gave me strength and helped me move on. Still scary though and there were no children involved.

Adulterous men want it all. My X on leaving wanted to retain his keys so that he could pop in and see how DD and I were doing. DD was weeks old like she cared! I said fine, so long as I can have keys to the flat U R sharing with mistress so that I can pop in and see U. I got keys back immediately!

Petition for divorce as soon as you can. Mine took nearly 3 years as he wouldn't co-operate. After 2 years I wanted to re-marry, hard to imagine now but U don't know what is round the corner.

dear mm - re the money thing. my ex such a threatenting pig about money I wimped out of divorce 1st time round - tried to reconcile but life not worth living and thought kids better poor with a functioning mum than ok with woman who wanted not to be there at all........got really really good solicitor next time he left and filed straight away. His bullying & threats re money helped me win my divorce within 7 months total on his unreasonable behaviour grounds.
He thinks you need his permission for stuff - you do not.
I was too scared to use charge cards etc & had no access to accounts - we did go without. when I realised he had'nt stopped things like waitrose store card I used them.
Sit down and work out what money you have at your disposal now - what can you get from him re credit cards etc?
Do get the money sorted as it his control over you - the law will protect you and he will be poorer and sorrier so don't feel sorry for him!
Also - why not cut contact over phone to limited times - just don't answer phone or tell him he can only call at certain times - if you ring him you can think what you want to say and not get caught on the hop or at a low moment.
We've all been poor judges of character in the past but you'll really know this gut by the time it's all over - hang in therexxx

As he's being an arse about money, yep, get the solicitors involved. Too bad he couldn't be more agreeable about it, especially as he is the one cheating.

Well, that's what divorce on grounds of adultery is for.

You need to put your kids' welfare and your own sanity above his needs, the kids and your obvioulsy aren't as important as this tramp is to him.

You'll feel a lot better once the solicitor helps you get the money situation sorted.

Then you can move onto the access issues and getting him on a regular schedule so he's not contantly throwing yours into chaos.

As to his asking stupid questions, you don't need to stoop to his level to respond. Tell him you want to divorce soon as possible so you can move on with your life the way he has and leave it at that.

Or don't bother dignifying that cheap shot w/a response.

My husband also seems to be under the impression taht I am seeing someone else since I moved out. Just a thought but I reckon this is a mechanism for making hinself feel better, i.e. he's not left me on my own.

I haven't dignified it with a response, perhaps I should I don't want him getting any comfort at the moment!

My husband also seems to be under the impression taht I am seeing someone else since I moved out. Just a thought but I reckon this is a mechanism for making hinself feel better, i.e. he's not left me on my own.

I haven't dignified it with a response, perhaps I should I don't want him getting any comfort at the moment!

doubt its comforting him - more likely they dont like the thought you could actually find someone else

just got haome from MAMMOTH christmas shopping -bought ALL my pressies (including his family so he cant complain)

Hope you're ok today MrsM.

It's not comforting them. It's alleviating their guilt. Also, makes it easier to say to people "see, she was at it too".

Guess thas what I was getting at. I think they gain something from thinking you have met someone else, although it is nice to think they might be the teensiest bit jealous!

glad you've got Xmas sorted Mre M
How are you doing tonight?

just got back from the gym

had an upseting phone call with H for over an hour so kids were late to bed
he wasnt being unreasonable I was just upset with the whole situation

at the end he said he was sorry hed upset me, that he would back off for a month so that I can have some space and then we should try mediation if I want a divorce

he seems to think we should see how things go rather than rushing things "do in haste, repent at leisure" he said

well he may be right but I think my only option is to get a divorce as I realised this evening that otherwise a tiny part of me will always be hoping hed come crawling back and our family could be fixed
and thats not the case

and to be fair, I told H I had bought all the presents and he said "well I said that was OK"

Sorry you are feeling sad.

I cannot believe your H. Please don't fall for this crap that he is feeding you. IMO he is just trying another tactic on you. Stay strong and get the divorce moving. He did her in haste but he has certainly not repented.

Keep your resolve this is the guy going to the pub whilst threatening to stop giving you money!

Do what you feel is right Mrs M. Dont allow what remains of your marriage to be a safety net for him. But dont rush into a divorce if you dont feel ready for it either. I guess what im saying is that he has chosen to no longer be a part of your life (yours not the kids) so you conduct your life however you see fit. If it feels more comforting for you to make a clean break then do it. Mediation is a good idea though.

it was easier when he was shouting - can see better off without him

now I just feel v sad and confused

going to bed

I feel for you Mrs M. I havent been where you are but watched SIL go through it and 7/8 years ago.

Its so hard because you still have the connection because of the kids (as did SIL). Because it was his choice to end things. He had someone to lean on that he'd moved in with - she didnt - her shoulder was him. She had to maintain contact but didnt want to. Knew the kids were inevitibly going to see his "new" g/f but didnt really want them to. Same as you.

The thing that took the longest for her was realising that she could lead her life the way she wanted, and that it was good to break some ties that related back to him. She has only just broken the final one recently which was moving out of the family home to a new place as it was his when they got together. I think it also helped that he moved to Spain with his bint of course.

You are allowed to be angry and upset and confused and there's no reason why he shouldnt feel the full force of that and feel guilty about it - it is his doing (although i know you want to put on a brave front).

I dont think ive said anything constructive but i am thinking of you and wishing you strength and happiness.