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Original poster

My son and cannabis

241 replies

LynAnn · 11/05/2011 14:46

Really just letting off steam this damn drug. Has taken my son away, started at 13 and the habit grew and he slowly disappeared. Meddled with other drugs had two kids hit and mental abused me his ex partner and now his current partner. He now has pure ocd (bad thoughts) severe paranoia and anxiety. And has pushed every one away from him. He has no one. He hates me I know as he tells me this but sometimes I can see the old son. But it is hard to want him near me I love him but I dont like what he has become.
This drug is a menace andshould be banned.

OP posts:
GastonTheLadybird · 11/05/2011 14:50

Sorry to read this LynAnn. My younger sister went through a "phase" (lasting 3 years!) and we were all very concerned about where her life was heading, thankfully she split up with the boyfriend and she stopped smoking cannabis (and god knows what else) and she got a job and is the lovely person I grew up with again.

I remember all too well the feeling of loving her with all my heart and utterly despising the person she had turned in to, not wanting her around my DD etc.

Wishing you lots of strength to get through this. Does he see that he has a problem?

bemybebe · 11/05/2011 14:54

This is a terrible story. Cannabis is illegal in the UK, so it is already banned.
One thing I cannot understand, how could he "started at 13 and the habit grew", where were you when he was getting hooked so early and to such an extend? Did you not see this unfolding?

ScaredOfCows · 11/05/2011 16:21

LynAnn so sorry for your situation. How old is he now?

AnyFucker · 11/05/2011 16:30

bemybebe did you seriously mean to say "where were you" ??

bluepaws · 11/05/2011 17:32

does he consider he has a problem

has he ever had any help from the drug services?

missmelo · 11/05/2011 21:19

Hi LynAnn, sorry to hear about the life your son had so far. What makes me wonder is how does a thirteen year old child have access to cannabis? Surely his parents/guardians have as much of a role in preventing their child from seeking out/being introduced to/exposed to cannabis? While cannabis is illegal in the U.K. I don't believ its 100% the job of law makers to prevent children from being exposed to drugs. Thats just my opinion as soeone who works in this field. I hope his little children are being brought up well and aren't in an environment where cannabis at 13 is accessible.

mayblossombitch · 11/05/2011 21:40

Are you for real - the kid was 13 - so I would imagine his school was full of the stuff. Unless you keep a child locked up 24/7 - how can you keep them away from all these things.

It seems that you are almost accusing the OP of leading her son into this - when I would imagine that this is the exact opposite of what happened.

wineisfine · 11/05/2011 21:45

I went to a really 'posh' school - selective, fee-paying London ind. school, always near the top of the league tables.

Drugs were rife. Speed, cocaine most popular with the girls but for the boys' school it was cannabis. Selling joints, getting together to smoke in the leafy squares our parents lived in. Older siblings were usually the source. I didn't do drugs myself but I was very much a geeky outcast type - all the popular kids did.

I would imagine that most of our parents, not having taken drugs at that age, would never imagine their children were being exposed to them.

wineisfine · 11/05/2011 21:47

Should add that one of the kids I grew up with - 'nice boy', every advantage in life, brought up by a SAHM and a top-flight banker - is now a crack addict who breaks his parents' hearts more every day. Started with cannabis there too.

I was 13 a decade and a half ago, too - i can't imagine there are fewer drugs around schools now.

missmelo · 11/05/2011 21:48

I am for real mayblossombitch. 100%. 13? That is a child. I'm sure the OP is devastated, what a life for her son, but at 13 its the parents responsibilty, not police, legislators, schools, drugs workers to ensure her child is safe. Everyone has a part to play for sure in drug prevention, authorities etc but the responsibilty for that boy starting with cannabis lies at home. Full stop.

AnyFucker · 11/05/2011 21:58

missmelo...do you have/have had teenagers ?

MavisEnderby · 11/05/2011 22:06

Hi Lynn Ann.I really don't know what to say apart from I can feel your pain.to Missmelo,my db discovered weed as a teen and I have the most loving and amazing parents who tried everything under the sun to help my db.There are 3 of us and we were all treated the same.We have caring marvellous parents.My db is now in his late 30's has 3 dc and is totally messed up due to his drug usage.My parents have tried everything and still support him with childcare and so on now,they have bought him and his family a house tried everything to help him (he cut himself off from the family for a few years and reapperaed when he had children).My parents do not drink,smoke or take drugs,they are totally loving and responsible people.I have no answers but want you to know you are not alone.My DPs are still helping db cos of the children,who they would not want to see destitute xxx

missmelo · 11/05/2011 22:16

No AnyFucker I don't, it is not relevant for me to have teenagers to have an opinion on drugs and parenting. I work with teenage drug addicts and their parents, drug prevention programmes etc etc and I can tell you now that in my experience, and the experience of my peers (many of whom have teenagers) parental involvement plays a huge role in preventing and stopping drg use in children. I'm sure Lyn Ann loves her son and wanted/wants the best for him in life, I would not have a go at her, she needs support now, its affected her life massively but what needs to be pointed out is that as a parent to a thirteen year old CHILD you need to be in control. Of course cannabis has led him to other drugs but he was enabled to do so by an environment in which his mother seemingly had no control, and at 13 years old you should have control of your child. Lyn Ann's situation is sad I see this everyday but that boy should have been stopped through whatever means necessary.

AnyFucker · 11/05/2011 22:22

You are having a go at her by suggesting she could have prevented this if she had only done X, Y or Z

and I do think it totally and utterly relevant that you haven't parented teenagers of your own

I work with terminally ill children

I do not patronise either them, nor their parents, by assuming that just because I work with them, that I know how it feels to be in their situation and how I would react to it

because that would be shit

dealing with your own families problems is totally different to dealing with others where you don't have the emotional connections

you sound naive and vey black-and-white ( and young ? )

Guildenstern · 11/05/2011 22:26

FFS missmelo. I don't think I have ever read anything so tactless on MN, and that's saying something.

Given the nature of missmelo's responses - totally unhelpful, critical and ignorant - I would advise the OP to delete this thread.

AnyFucker · 11/05/2011 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

MavisEnderby · 11/05/2011 22:34

I have to say this thread is making me sad.My dps went through hell and high water,everything you could imagine,to try to help my db,and 20 years on are still doing it they tried all the ideas anyone threw at them and carried it out..I think i need to hide this thread.

missmelo · 11/05/2011 22:35

I'm certainly not having a go at her, I am pointing out that at 13 her child should have been prevented from using cannabis, end off. I feel empathy for Lyn Ann, I do as much as I'm sure you feel pain when a child passes away, it might not profoundly pierce your soul but I'm sure you feel a deep sense of saddness for the child and their families. Same for me, I feel, I see the destruction all drugs cause, but there has to be an emphasis on parental responsibilty. No one seems to agree that parents have the number one role in preventing drug use in their children, I find this odd. If he was 16 or 17 when he started I would understand her feeling of helplessness but he was thirteen I don't understand why it couldn't be stamped out there and then. If you bring a child into this world it is your job to keep them safe, and that includes going through any means necessary to stop this.
I don't assume I know how Lyn Ann feels or how she would react, I think Lynn Ann should be supported now what I am saying is that for anybody with a 13 year old child you have to pick up the responsibility. You can blame everything else all you want but it comes back to the home environment and guardianship. To have an opinion on that isn't shit. Pointing it out in light of this thread isn't shit either, perhaps a little bit of a reality check to some. Also I don't know where Lyn Ann lives that cannabis is legal, perhaps the Netherlands or else she isn't aware that it is actually illegal.

mrsgmhopkins · 11/05/2011 22:36

Wineisfine, could I just ask - apart from teaching our kids that being a geeky outcast type (as you describe your old self) is fine, and indeed could be a good thing - what else do you think parents can do, in the face of that kind of massive peer pressure to take drugs?

And I'm sure you're right that the situation in schools is far far worse nowadays.

Original poster
LynAnn · 11/05/2011 22:37

Hi I did not know for sure my son was taking these drugs he was diagnosed with ADHD at the time and put his behaviour down to this. I tried everything to stop him, when I knew for sure I gave him no money, only had his friends at my house his social worker and gp tried to help. He would bunk off school and disappear for days the police would be looking for him. And nothing we did could stop him. And I worked in the said school. So I did everything I could He is now clean thankgod but the effects will always be there.
If you haven't been in my situation please dont judge

OP posts:
K999 · 11/05/2011 22:38

I was 14 when I had my first joint. I'm from a very loving family. My parents, shockingly, were not glued to me at that age.....I dabbled for a few years, and luckily for me, grew out of the drug scene.....but in no way were my parents to blame!!

wineisfine · 11/05/2011 22:39

LynAnn you don't need to dignify missmelo's posts with a response. He was 13, nobody is going to assume drug use in the first instance especially not if there are SEN to consider. You did everything you could and you should not ever blame yourself.

missmelo · 11/05/2011 22:39

You are very rude, I have an opinion this is it, I feel for Lyn Ann of course what a horrible life she has had with her son. I am not a twat or a bitch I have an opinion very different but just as relevant as yours. There is no need to get as nasty and I would like to point out I am a trained and experienced professional in this field. My opinion and experience helps families every day.

missmelo · 11/05/2011 22:43

Hi LynAnn, I'm glad to hear your son is clean thats brilliant. I really didn't want to judge you. Your situation was very difficult, I wanted to point out that parents need to take responsibilty (your first post did not allude to any of this and also from what you said about cannabis I assumed you lived in a country where it wasn't illegal) Every situation is different I hope verything gets better for you and your family in the future

AnyFucker · 11/05/2011 22:44

You are not helping here, believe me.

Your attitude deserves rudeness...it stinks.