My son and cannabis

[LynAnn]

Really just letting off steam this damn drug. Has taken my son away, started at 13 and the habit grew and he slowly disappeared. Meddled with other drugs had two kids hit and mental abused me his ex partner and now his current partner. He now has pure ocd (bad thoughts) severe paranoia and anxiety. And has pushed every one away from him. He has no one. He hates me I know as he tells me this but sometimes I can see the old son. But it is hard to want him near me I love him but I dont like what he has become.
This drug is a menace andshould be banned.

I'm struggling to believe that missmelo is, in fact, a 'trained professional' in this field.

You honestly couldn't be that misinformed about the profile of drug experimentation in young teens...could you? Really?

I feel for Lyn Ann I do, I see her situation A LOT. I asked her where she was and how her child had access to cannabis, its not illegal to ask.I also pointed out that its not the job of legislators to protect 'OUR' children from drugs and parents play a part. Lyn Ann seemed to be under the impression that cannabis wasn't banned...I wasn't sure if she lived in the U.K. or the Netherlands, where cannabis isn't banned. Believe me I'm not back tracking and I fully stand by what I said, I am trying to explain in fuller detail to those who don't quite grasp what I'm trying to get across. Here it is simply. LynAnn had a very bad experience with her child and cannabis and was angry about it. I asked how did he have access to cannabis at 13 and I also pointed out as a parent you have the biggest preventative role. LynnAnn later clarified she had done all she could but it got her nowhere, very sad. I then said thats awful when you did your best tried hard and now you should get the support etc. I still pointed out that as a parent, in general, not Lyn Ann specific obviously, that you are the main barrier to your child and drugs. Easy as.

And there she goes again... "Easy as" - from the woman who has no personal experience of parenting teenagers.

Unfortunately I've experience of sons taking cannabis. Missmelo is correct in saying that parents need to take responsibility - as many don't. However unless you're chained to the kid it is really hard going.
I posted on here before about it and got lots of abuse for coming down extremely hard on it - with most posters saying kids go through this experimental phase.
They started at 13 and 14 and smoked it randomly for about a year. I stopped all money - they had to make packed lunches for school - which was embarrassing for them. All internet and mobile access was denied and the obligatory grounding took place.

They both accepted this - the alternative was for them to leave this house and live with their father - which they didn't want.
Not out of the woods yet but I absolutely believe that being tough with them has nipped this in the bud.

Wineisfine was talking about her experience of an independent school. Don't schools come down hard on pupils who take drugs? Shouldn't any pupil found to be dealing be expelled, and any pupil in possession suspended? One of my dc's schools has dealt extremely harshly with pupils found in possession. Why aren't other schools doing the same?

I am fully aware of drug experimentation and yes I am a drugs worker...in the public sector and I do get annoyed by parents who blame EVERYTHING but themselves. LynAnn DID do all she could and she clarified this later on. Drug experimentation and the downward slope that LynAnn's son took are very very different. Its ok to not agree with someone and its ok to have an opinion. Its very sad that there are 12 years olds breaking windows to get out of there house and the social services won't get involved. This is another huge reason why its very much up to parents to be the number one authority figure and to explain and talk about drugs, its called giving your child age appropriate education. It didn't tell her to cut her arms off so everyone needs to chill. Believe me my opinion is very much shared in my field.

And more importantly, if schools aren't coming down hard on drug users, how can we insist that they do?

Fetch,my db stuff was before the internet age but they still did all of this stuff.Believe me they would have done ANYTHING to stop db drug use.They did the groundings and so on.They were tough on him but he went and sodded off and slept rough and so on:(They also tried the nicey nicey approach in fact they tried anything reccomended.)

I should say as well that in many ways I've been lucky with my sons. They realise how much they've let themselves and me down and did not rebel against the restrictions. Christ knows what I'd have done if they'd run away etc or challenged me about it.
We talk openly about it and why they did it and what's going to stop them doing it again. (I sound smug - I'm not)

Actually I find it disgusting that the posters on this thread seem to think that me in some way potentially causing LynnAnn to feel guilty and hurt her feelings(I don't think you should LynnAnn as you clarified you did everything you could, but your son isn't a lost cause and it sounds like he has a great family around him to support him)is more important than pointing out that parents should be responsible and yes that means going through whatever means necessary, its tough and not always successful but parents need to persevere, god I see how soul destroying it is on parents but prevention and education and early intervention needs to start at home and that needs to be pointed out. Good luck to everyone on this thread with their children.

At my dc's school the head lectured the whole school about how having a criminal conviction is really shit for years to come. And the expelled kids are really stuffed - their academic careers are over. What I don't understand is this: why don't all heads take the same position?

missmelo If you are a drug worker then I would be v surprised if your employer supported your opinions.

When clients attend do you 'cure' them with a good talk in the same way that you expect parents to? What research do you base your opinions on & may I ask your discipline; are you SW, youth wkr or nurse?

but what if parents HAVE been responsible,and it has always been pointed out??

I am not having a go at you,see previous posts,I am the dsis of a chronic cannabis (and prob more) abuser.Not heroin but I think deffo weed and psychedelics.Long term usage.It ISN'T my parents problem and your attitude was what made me annoyed.It is easy in some cases to blame the parents but when someone has got to late thirties,surely some self responsibility there,and also somewhat as a teen,I am sure their parents aren't lighting up a huge reefer in most cases??

The best way to deal with schools is actually, in our experience to liase with the police and the threat of pupils going through the criminal justice system usually is enough for schools to take a tougher stance. Believe me sometimes its not at school but when kids are waiting around afterwards there are drug pushers etc that park at school gates. The number one thing is to educate your children on the actual dangers of drugs, be as explicit as possible also, age appropriate obviously but kids are watching violence and crime all the time on tv, video games etc and can become immune to it. Its important to really hammer it into them. It all starts at home, all education does, if you start early you could very well prevent the situation of a 12 year old breaking through glass windows to get out. Its not easy (and although I'm being lambasted for not having teenagers) I see the heartache and consistency it rquires and I'm drained so I can only imagine how parents feel and how they manage to cope. I would also like to point out to LynnAnn again that despite what other psoters have said I am not judgemental but sympathetic and I wish you and you family all the best in the future

Thanks. But schools could put a stop to drug pushing at the school gates, and bloody well should, IMO.

It's ludicrous if we're obliged to send our dc to school, only for them to be exposed to drugs there. Madness.

I certainly can't 'cure' its not my job, nor can anyone 'cure' someone who is dependent on drugs, they have to make a decision themselves to stop and be fully supported in every aspect of their life. Its treacherous sometimes, you can do so much work and bring an ex-user so far then a dealer will go round to their house and throw drugs in their letterbox and it starts again. It is soul destroying to see lives wrecked that is why I am so adamant that education starts in the home at a young age and if parents suspect anything that they act immediately via any means necessary.
I know a lot of functioning cannabis users who can take or leave it and I also think that this as a model is counter productive to younger users who think that they can just have a joint now and then and they will be fine...yes sure some people do and can be but a lot can't and its very often those from a lower socio economic background who fall into the trap and move onto harder drugs. However no group in society is immune to drugs and it permeates everywhere.

missmelo,my parents did all that,for all their stuffiness imo when I was a teen I see they were very responsible,they did the sex talk when I was 6,drugs,11ish,very honest.My db still went off the rails though I have a younger db who is fab.I dunno.Sometimes you just can;t predict the future and it happens.I just think some people are more susceptible,sadly.

And even more nuts if people pay school fees for their dc to be exposed to people who take drugs.

Mrshopkins whatever school your child is in they will be exposed:(

Mrsgmhopkins, I know of parents who have had to remove their boys from school because the pushers targeted them because they knew they had money (parents were wealthy). The boys are now being home schooled and see their friends at weekends, I don't think this is fair to these boys or to the other children whoese parents don't have the resources to do this. Some police are excellent, other areas they are blind/ignornat/compleltey ignore this. Sure these boys could be given drugs at weekend etc but the parents have had to go to such lengths just to ensure that one avenue was cut off. This is the reason why I am so vociferously adamant that parents need to take responsibilty at a young age and immediately act when they have a suspicion.
The war on drugs is dead, the way forward is through educating our children, appropriately not in a piece meal fashion.

If all kids on drugs had parents who didn't care or try then that would all make sense. But drug use doesn't fit a mold; it affects people of all classes, races & even the most pro active parents can have kids ending up on drugs.

Even drug workers kids end up on drugs sometimes

"There but for the Grace of God..." That is a good mantra for anyone working with those less fortunate who are struggling with life (including their families) & is probably worth a thousand qualifications.

Most kids try drugs via a friend or accquaintance not a stranger at the school gates.

MavisEnderby, I know they will, but I expect their schools to respect the law and act on any drug use which comes to their attention. And if they don't, I will report them to every inspectorate known to man.

The reality is not generally drug pushers waiting at the school gates - this is a bit Grange Hill circa 1980's. It is friends that your kids have known all through primary school, played football with etc. that are the most likely to offer a spliff to your child who in turn is prob supplied by an older sibling or neighbour.

If missmelo is a genuine drug counsellor working with families affected by this then god help us all.