My son and cannabis

[LynAnn]

Really just letting off steam this damn drug. Has taken my son away, started at 13 and the habit grew and he slowly disappeared. Meddled with other drugs had two kids hit and mental abused me his ex partner and now his current partner. He now has pure ocd (bad thoughts) severe paranoia and anxiety. And has pushed every one away from him. He has no one. He hates me I know as he tells me this but sometimes I can see the old son. But it is hard to want him near me I love him but I dont like what he has become.
This drug is a menace andshould be banned.

I know theres some strong feelings on this thread , but i do agree with some of the comments made , particularly about being your childs protecter .

Everything they do they do in stages and we make sure theyre well prepared , ie , we dont let them play out until we think theyre old enough not to wander off , we dont let them cross roads until we know they can do it safeley , but then we send them offto high school where theyll come into contact with sometimes 1000 plus other kids , and sometimes theyre just not prepared for the social side of that

Mine went off to school knowing where to catch the bus and all the practical things she needed to know . She didnt know about peer pressure or how to deal with it , she didnt know the consequences of getting involved in the wrong crowd , she was only concerned with what was happening today , and how to fit in , and how to be popular and cool .

I think its often too late once they get into it , the only opinion of any importance to them is that of their freinds , but yes , i wish id equipped her with the tools she needed to resist peer pressure , and for her to realise that she didnt have to accept bad behaviour from people , and she didnt have to be the class idiot to get respect from her peers .

Maryz I wouldn't hurt you or want to hurt you, you sound like a parent who has walked through hell with your son, what is paramount for anyone else reading this, even if your children are little nippers on the floor, arm yourself with information and pass it on to your children from young ages, childhood is a very precious thing and although nobody wants to shatter the illusion of a lovely world for their child its important for them to know what is out there and what drugs can do to them, how it can affect their lives and their families lives. The loss of innocence is sad and I see kids (really young children) coming through with addictions, its better for your child to be aware of dangers from a young age so that when they reach the ages where drugs might become available to them be it through friends, pushers, whatever the case may be, they will know what the drug can do to them and they will think twice (we hope) Nobody is ever going to be able to stop illegal drugs completely, drug policy is failing and 'The War on Drugs' is counter productive in my personal and professional opinion. What we can do however is be there 100% to teach our children what drugs can do, as parents its your responsibilty.

I'm not blaming you Maryz this a wider message to all the other posters who have asked what they can do etc etc. I started out by saying I wouldn't want to hurt you, you are suffering so badly despite doing everything you could for your boy. What I'm getting across to posters (I hope) is that starting as early as possible then being responsible 100% is the best you can do for your child in this circumstance, when they start dabbling its very often to late, the groundwork has to be laid long before. I'm not speaking about you, you are not my client, I don't know much of your situation bar what you told me. I am not blaming you Maryz I also agree that you shouldn't blame yourself, especially since, it seems, you provided the environment for your son to be helped etc. I'm really not chasitising you at all, just reinforcing that others should start early with their children to do their best to prevent children to start in the first place.

Maryz, what role do you think your ds' Aspergers played in his addiction? Is it common for children with Aspergers to turn to drugs?

missmelo - you say you are not chastising Marys or other posters on this thread whose children use cannabis in spite of those parents doing their absolute best to steer them away from it and to educate them on drugs generally from an early age. Honestly though, I really wish you would step away from this arguement. As you say, you don't know the individual situations apart from what you have been told. However, you do come across as judgemental on this thread.
I'm an ex health professional, previously working in an inner city area and having been involved with a fair amount of patients using cannabis and other substances. I would never have spoken to patients the way you have spoken to posters on this thread. I really fear that you are doing more harm than good on this particular thread, and sincerely hope that your ill-judged comments don't put other parents off seeking help and support for similar problems with their children/teenagers.
I think if you truly cared about what these parents and young people are going through, you would recognise that you are causing distress and back away from this.

I don't agree.

LynAnn, Maryz, and others whose DC are cannabis "addicts" - I have smoked cannabis for a few years (late 20s) and know many users. Here are my tips to stop your DC's cannabis use:

• Your DC are not "addicts" so you don't need to take pity on their situation a la "what can he do, he is an addict". They have a habit but not an addiction. Study after study after study has shown that cannabis does not cause physical addiction except possibly with particularly heavy use and over many decades, which is why it is not a Class A drug.

• To break this habit, you need to:

(1) Remove him from his usual environment, where he has friends who smoke. Send him to his cousins who live somewhere rural, for example. (2) Give him new habits - fill his afternoons with swimming lessons or football practice, for example. (3) Introduce him to new friends who don't smoke. Especially effective would be a girlfriend who doesn't smoke.

Good luck.

Thats the message that I'm trying to put across scaredofcrows...teach your children about it from an early age. Thats my advice, I'm not doing any harm giving this sensible piece of advice that may help parents, like all the parents who have tried varying strategies and failed (may I point out that I don't think they 'failed' as parents but the strategies employed, authorities engaged didn't assist them in preventing their dc's from getting hooked on drugs) Its not illegal/bad to fail in doing something, how can you do something if you are not equipped/haven't been told etc I'm not berating anyone, pointing out the obvious, I'm not addressing anyone, unless of course I'm asked. I'm giving solid information to parents who may read this thread and need advice with dcs. If peoples feelings are hurt as a side product, thats unfortunate, but please posters who take offence, I am not having a go at you all. What more important in my personal and professional opinion is getting this message across. Too bad if you don't agree with that.

You know I am really all for helping people, that is my job, thats my profession but sometimes peoples feelings have to be ancillary to the actual practical steps that need to be taken. Being a parent is tough. Being a responsible parent is tough. Watching out for signs and doing all you can to prevent drug use in children is tough. Educating and ensuring children understand the dangers on a real level is tough. Taking an active and authoritative role in a childs life is tough. Banning your child from doing something they want to do because there is a chance they may take drugs is tough. Watching your child suffer and breakdown due to drugs is tough. Watching your family fall apart is tough. People have it tough. The seedy world of drugs is tough. I am not judgemental to anyone person, I can't underpin this enough. This is general advice and I can't understand why anyone wouldn't agree with it and think I was using this advice to lambast someone, I would not do that.

ScaredofCows, I can't imagine for a minute why you would want to close down a debate which is proving useful for parents.

It's quite extraordinary to ask another poster to stop posting, when other people are interested in what she has to say.

Just before I leave this thread may I ask for the 3rd time what your discipline is missmelo

It seems a bit like that, you just jump in and demand to know my exact work title even though you have already voiced your doubts about my validity as a drugs worker. I can assure you, I am. Would you like if I posted my C.V. experiences, qualifications? Would that satisfy your appetite? This thread has become farcical with people really having a go at my advice to _others, insisting that I am judgemental and and trying to berate parents who have children that have drug habits. Nonsense, what I think is 100% important for people to take away is that parental responsibility is paramount and if I insulted some folks with this then thats not my fault as it wasn't my intention. Hurt feelings shouldn't be given an equal weight with positive parental advice. I'm the one in shock at the attitudes people have.
Tk you have also said that you didn't want to give too much away with regard to your job because you didn't want to out yourself in RL. Accord me the same right please. I'm just repeating myself over and over...I don't think the parents of kids with drug addictions on here are at fault, nor am I trying to bully or upset anyone. If anyone is being harrassed it is me, for giving logical and OBVIOUS advice

mrsgmhopkins - I am not trying to close down debate. I am pointing out that the posters on here who have teenagers who use cannabis have all said that they have done everything in their power to stop their child going down this track. It is clear to me that posters are offended and upset at missmelo reiterating over and over and over the same point - it is nothing new to them, they know this already.

This statement from missmelo in her first post "What makes me wonder is how does a thirteen year old child have access to cannabis? Surely his parents/guardians have as much of a role in preventing their child from seeking out/being introduced to/exposed to cannabis? " indicates to me that missmelo is somewhat out of touch with what children are exposed to under normal circumstances when growing up in a loving, and 'on the ball' family. She may know all about regular substance abusers, but it would appear that she knows precious little about parenting a 13 year old in the real world.

Again, I am not trying to close down debate or asking another poster to stop posting. I am asking that poster to show more consideration to parents who are actually experiencing their children being in this situation. To back away from using the judgemental tone, which really isn't actually helping anyone, it's just inflamming this discussion.

Actually scaredofcrows, if you read down you will see (and I have explained this twice before) that LynAnns original post didn't allude to the fact she had been actively involved in preventing/educating her son and I asked a very honest question, how did it come to be that your son has access to drugs? Thats not unreasonable at all given the awful scourge drugs are to children. As parents I would think child protection is 100% on the agenda. Maybe people would be better served by realising my advice isn't for those who have gone through this process with children but for other parents on here who may have little ones. I am not 'out of touch' as you say, I work in this field everyday and I'm flumoxed that you are putting the potential harm of hurting someones feelings in front of sensible child protection advice!! And yes you did ask me to step away from this debate Scaredofcrows. My input is as valuable as anyones!

Please don't cast aspersions on me & accuse me of RL or online bullying; that is uncalled for as well as potentially damaging.

I have previously identified myself as a nurse on MN & many other posters are happy to say what profession they are in. I would go as far as to say that if you post from a professional standpoint it is pretty standard & often MWs, teachers, GPs etc have no problem saying their discipline.

I have no wish to know CVs or job titles or in fact anything else to do with this thread but strongly refute those accusations.

For any parents out there who find my posts helpful or relevant I'm glad. For those who don't, thats too bad for you. I genuinely didn't mean to make any individual feel bad, I hope people picked up on the need for education at a young age and the need for full parental responsibility with regard children and drugs.
TK I've already stated I'm a drugs worker in the community sector, what more do you want me to tell you? You have said in an earlier post on this thread that you didn't want to out yourself in RL. If you have mentioned your a nurse on other threads thats all well and good, you didn't mention on here and I certainly don't follow threads you are on to see what your occupation may be.

Why is it that some on here think that their views are the only correct ones to have? This is a discussion board and anyone can post what they like regardless of whether you agree with it - that is the nature of a discussion - you may read things that you don't like. Why do you think that you are the sole arbiters of what is acceptable? As I said earlier, MM has been subject to vilification for stating her views and from what I can tell has not deliberately set out to upset or judge anyone. This is in stark contrast to the posters who have engaged in name calling and who have tried to drag this debate down and make it into a slanging match. Please can we stick to a mature discussion of how to combat the menace of child drugs taking - as a parent of a 13 yr old that is what I am interested in.

missmelo, your obtuseness and arrogance is really quite breathtaking

you post at length, some of which content makes utter sense (if rather bombastic)

then your last sentence always gives you away, like your latest one here... "If anyone is being harrassed it is me, for giving logical and OBVIOUS advice"

you don't get it do you ?

telling parents that it is "obvious" that they have a responsibility to their child is really, really patronising and will never, ever be helpful to families no matter whether the actual content of what you say is appropriate or not

combating the menace of drug taking should not involve blaming the parents of those whose lives have been ruined by it

there is no "slanging" about that

I'm with ElBurro. And I'd say you're in a minority, AF.