My son and cannabis

[LynAnn]

Really just letting off steam this damn drug. Has taken my son away, started at 13 and the habit grew and he slowly disappeared. Meddled with other drugs had two kids hit and mental abused me his ex partner and now his current partner. He now has pure ocd (bad thoughts) severe paranoia and anxiety. And has pushed every one away from him. He has no one. He hates me I know as he tells me this but sometimes I can see the old son. But it is hard to want him near me I love him but I dont like what he has become.
This drug is a menace andshould be banned.

There will always be children and adults who are more susceptible, its heartbreaking when you see parents who ask what did I do wrong, then on the flip side you have parents who just blame the drug and every other authority instead of themself. Its amazing the amount of ignorance out there amongst teachers, parents, social workers etc etc...I am not having a go at any one teacher parent social worker by the way before I'm being accused of being a bitchy twat again, I am pointing out that the drug policy is failing miserably and that parents need to be a step ahead and informed and 100% know what there child is at...it is possible, they are children well at 12, 13 they are 16 and 17 its trickier but if the foundations are there and the knowledge is given then your children will stand a better chance.

LynnAnn I've got nothing helpful to add I'm afraid, but just wanted to offer sympathy.

Most of friends have teenage DC (mine are still preschoolers). Between them, they cover quite a variety of schools and social backgrounds. THe one thing common to the lot of them is the availability of drugs. It's absolutely horrifying and the one thing that amazes me is that we don't have more kids with problems.

Cannabis is still very much seen as a soft drug, which is why it is so popular across the class spectrum. I wish people would realise that in this day and age whether or not a teenager ends up on cannabis has much more to do with luck than it does with parenting. Even a happy, well-adjusted A* pupil from a good home can say 'yes' when cannabis is considered so minor, everyone else is doing it and they're relaxed and having fun.

I think that culture is completely unacceptable.

Mayblossombitch it isn't just grangehill you can choose not to believe me but this is the reality. Sure there are kids who get it more 'informally' but when these kids are made aware of the dangers/risks/associated with cannabis not just in and of itself, particularly on a young developing brain, but as a gate way to a whole host of other much more devastating drugs then maybe that child will have the confidence and self esteem to say no. I am a 'genuine' drugs worker...whatever your opinion on my opinion is.
And yes TK I am all to aware that even drugs workers kids take drugs.

I have honestly never heard of drug pushers going round dropping free drugs through letterboxes either?

Drug dealing is a supply & demand business, but surely as a drug worker you would know that the dealers get plenty of business from addicts without giving freebies?

I am genuinely confused by some of your statements & really don't want to out myself in RL but what you say is so conflicting to my own experience in the field.

Perhaps it is because I have worked in
Inner cities? Are your work experiences from outside of the UK?

Why would an A* student use cannabis, though, when it's well-known that in some people, it can push them over into psychosis, from which they'll never ever recover? Why would they have studied so hard all those years, if they're prepared to chuck it all away for the sake of a minor high?

X post mayblossom my feelings exactly. Still want to know what discipline missmelo is.

My advice, not that many people on here would agree with anything I say is, in order to do the very very best for your child in preventing them from using drugs is to arm them with the knowledge of what drugs do. Be as explicit as you like, its not an adult topic, cannabis is perceived as a 'soft drug'...it is glorified in films, music, its legal in some countries, make sure you convey to your child that it is not 'soft' and can lead to paranoia, schizophrenia, also very often it leads to trying stronger drugs, dealers will not just be happy selling your child cannabis when he could sell him cocaine and ecstacy too. You must hammer it home to them

I don't work in the field but we were told at dcs' school that freebies are given to create addiction. Obviously dealers then have a long-term loyal customer once they've got a child hooked.

I agree drug policy is failing miserably.(have you ever seen "The Wire", tv series but fantastic about the drug issue in fictional way,US thing)?I dunno what my parents could have done anymore than what they are doing.I dunno what part of the country you are in or your clientele.I just think drugs affect many aspects of society.It saddens me that my bright db is a pothead and has mental health issues:(He has 3 lovely boys.I wish things were different.)

Also we were told that children need to be aware that most drug addicts are sad losers not glamorous creative types. Tons of popstar users of the sixties wound up dead.

It's the same as alcohol, most teens will get that from a friend, relative or out of the drinks cabinet by stealth. Local shops don't need to give a free taster for the kids to acquire a taste. Same as ciggarettes too.

Dropping drugs through the letterbox or giving a recovering addict drugs for free is very pervasive. People who try to quit are lost customers, luring them back in via 'freebies' ensures their continued custom. I work in the comunity sector Thorny Kate and have done for years. My experiences don't have to be a mirror image of yours for you to accept what I say. Like you I am merely offering advice based on my experience.
For some people, A students or otherwise, drugs are an illicit escape, an adrenaline rush, the consequences don't really matter, there is a difference between being an A student and having common sense

But we are not talking about alcohol or cigarettes are we? they are legal and for sale, drug pushers have to go and approach their potential customers.

I am sure you love your job but i think what upset people was the "parents you are to blame " way it came across.Like I say i have very loving parents who would have done ANYTHING to prevent db drug usage.

missmelo, I can't speak for inner-city tower blocks we've all seen in the news where kids as young as 10 are hooked on heroin, but in all my years on the party scene (pre-DC before you all flame me, and I haven't touched anything for years), I have never come across drug-pushers who post cannabis through people's letterboxes and I have only met one person who uses cannabis who got their first try off a random stranger. Granted without doubt that cannabis can and often does lead to harder drugs, and for sure there has to be one 'mate' at school who gets his weed from a dealer somewhere along the line, but for most teens it's usually friends who offer the first taste of drugs.

I am leaving this thread now as I think it's going off on a completely crazy angle, but just wanted to wish LynAnn the best of luck.

If you read LynAnn's original post you would see that she made no reference at all to intervening when she found out her child was using drugs, she just blamed the drug said it caused heartache and pain and then said she wished cannabis was banned (it is). I felt sorry for her situation but pointed out that at 13 her child shouldn't have been able to have carry on in a downward slope. It wasn't till later on that LynAnn said she engaged lots of help but to no avail, I said well thats just very said etc etc. The OP in her first post didn't mention this. I asked a question. I didn't ask her to cut her arms off. I made a very valid point and LynAnn later said her son is clean now (which is fantastic long may it continue) I do love my job and it is a massive part of my life and although I've been called worse I find it vile that some mners have opened up a vicious attack on me when I point out the obvious. What matters really si that somone reads this thread and speaks to their child about drugs, effectivley, like an equal, not preaching but explaining and hammering home the severity of the dangers. Oh well you can't expect children to know what to do when some parents (not you LynAnn) won't even listen. I wish everyone luck with their children on here.

Drug pushers are very pervasive sunshineandbooks, its not all heroin and tower blocks, not all drug dealers are 'hard' either, you'd be hugely surprised at how many suited and booted middle class men, and women are drug dealers. This is not meant to make parents paranoid but just to highlight what is out there so you should be aware. Its in all sections of societies, I can't go into detail because of confidentiality etc but I would warn all parents to check out everything their child is in to, attends, goes to and have a good relationship with the dcs friends parents and talk regularly. Football matches, swimming lesons, martial arts you name it. Drugs creep in everywhere, I don't mean to make parents paranoid but aware, then if you are aware and your child knows dangers risks etc youy are in a much better position if the issue of drugs comes up.

Difference of opinion is one thing.

But The huge similarities between drug & alcohol misuse are standard & accepted within the professional community hence the close relationships & often joint services & treatment approaches ie substance misuse?

Teenage cig smoking is a valid analogy & IME teenage smoking cessation comes under the umbrella of substance misuse although primary care does often now take a lead on this.

If a client or their relative came to me & stated that they wanted "to let off steam about the drug " as the OP did tonight the LAST thing I would do is respond by flinging blame on them. And that's in my personal or professional life.

I usually steer clear of this sort of confrontation & will step away now but I do hope that you undertake reflective practice as all care professionals should. Without meaning to condascend perhaps you could look at your reactions to the OP & to those who have challenged this. If need be look at the exchange with the help of a mentor or peer support & see if you can turn this around as a helpful exercise in improving self awareness. Am not being nasty but we all make bad judgements sometimes & tonight may be one of them on your part. Can you honestly say that for all your experience you have supported the OP or anyone else on here tonight?

That's for you to answer to yourself BTW I think I heard & said enough :)

You make it all sound so easy missmello - just talk to a group of young teens and explain the evils of drugs, alcohol etc and they will go away totally convinced and renounce all such things.

Its not that simple - parents can talk until they are blue in the face and follow their kids around, but they cannot make their decisions for them. Peer pressure is the biggest factor. Secondary schools are rife with drugs and when your kids see it around them day in, day out, it normalises it and they just think that parents/teachers etc are out of date.

Certain personalities are also much more susceptable and nothing would stop them having a go. Some teens are cautious and carefully make a decision, others are more daring and willing to take a risk. When you are young, you think that you are invincible and that the bad things will only happen to someone else.

I hope that maybe when you have teens of your own, you will remember this discussion and feel embarrassed by your naive-ity (sp).

ThornyKate I welcome your sentiments and I most certainly will discuss this with my colleagues (not least because I find it alarming the number of posters who seem to think that pointing out parental responsibilty with regard to drugs warrants the torrent of abuse I recieved is acceptable, I just hope that people who hold this view reacted to what they saw as my judging LynAnn and that in reality they understand that parental responsibilty is paramount and you cannot just blame 'drugs')
I certainly didn't fling blame on LynAnn I asked her a question, thats not illegal and she clarified it in a later post. If a client came to me and wanted to let off steam I would of course listen but when they assumed that the drug they wanted to let off steam about wasn't banned I would immediately question their level of involvment of the issue. LynAnn said she had been abused as had her sons ex DP. That is awful, what struck me as odd is that she said that at 13 it just spiralled, she didn't mention she sought help etc. In order to help or give advice sometimes you need to know the facts, how can you support someone and reassure them if you don't know.
For me its not a confrontation, it is a very appropriate place to say that parental responsibility is imperative above all else, the name of the thread is My son and Cannabis. It became confrontational when I was called a bitch and a twat. Thats just another level on which I don't operate.

Mayblossombitch, I wouldn't recommend talking to a 'group' of teenagers, unless your children were a 'group' its always recommended to talk to young people individually, in groups there is very often one or two who try to sabotage the talk, or else the group is uncomfortable with subject matter. I think what you are referring to is a school led talk....although it raises awareness it very often doesn't achieve much. It has to be a more personal, consistent dialogue that takes place between the parent /guardian and child. I'm not saying this will solve the drugs dilemma what I'm trying to get across is that its up to parents first and foremost to be at the coalface of drugs education and, if needed, be at the coalface of interventions at the earliest stage. Very often the blame is laid with social services or the police (which can be lacking) but the main lead in the prevention of drug use in children and teenagers are parents. Building esteem and resilience in our children cannot be pushed forward enough, coupled with the knowledge of the harmful potential drugs do you can ensure your child has a good defence.
I'm not naive Mayblossombitch, if I were perhaps I'd be more likely to pander to the whim of the masses and be a sheep but fortunately I'm not. I live in the real world and its a cold and sober world when drugs are involved, I'm sure the OP knows this only too well.

missmelo has given some fantastic advice. She has clearly explained/clarified that she did not attend to offend the op, but her question was justifiable imo. 13 is a very young age and I too wanted to know the background of how it became that a 13 year old was taking drugs.

Op, I'm certainly not placing the blame on you and hope things really work in the future. Such a scary world we live in.

As I understand it, if a child takes cannabis when they are as young as 13, then cannabis-induced psychosis is more or less a given. Because a child's brain is still developing.

I really can't believe that drug taking among 13 year olds is as common as this thread suggests. It's true that some schools are crap, but most would make some attempt to prevent illegal activity on their premises; not least because they would slip rapidly down the league tables if all their star students became psychotic.

whilst I fully understand that I am banging my head against a brick wall here, I would say again that what upset posters about missmelo's post(s) is this:
"What makes me wonder is how does a thirteen year old child have access to cannabis?"
as a worker in the field then you should know damn well that schools are a prime source of drugs and that parents are generally not with their child at school or 24 hours a day.

"Surely his parents/guardians have as much of a role in preventing their child from seeking out/being introduced to/exposed to cannabis?"
Of course they have a role but given the secretive nature of teens and the fact that some parents may not be familiar with the signs of drug use means that they may not notice the first time their child is involved.

And after that, the use of "end of", "easy as" etc. were purely designed to get the backs up of people who have been involved in this situation directly and know FULL WELL that there is no "easy as" solution.

And again - any evidence of sympathy/empathy was seriously lacking.
As ThornyKate recommends, some reflective practice/mentor support would be a very good idea. You may have good advice but if you deliver it in such a fashion, you diminish your own message. Learn from that.