My son and cannabis

[LynAnn]

Really just letting off steam this damn drug. Has taken my son away, started at 13 and the habit grew and he slowly disappeared. Meddled with other drugs had two kids hit and mental abused me his ex partner and now his current partner. He now has pure ocd (bad thoughts) severe paranoia and anxiety. And has pushed every one away from him. He has no one. He hates me I know as he tells me this but sometimes I can see the old son. But it is hard to want him near me I love him but I dont like what he has become.
This drug is a menace andshould be banned.

I'm not asking you not to comment, just suggesting it would have been useful to wait for the OP's response before telling her what she should have done. You could have asked her to clarify what she meant by 'banned' before leaping on it as a sign that she was responsible for her son's actions.

It's very easy to type that you listen to people but perhaps if you read this thread properly you'd understand why what you consider to be helpful advice is not helping many of the posters here, in fact it's causing them hurt.

I thought the OP was issuing an appeal along the lines of "What can be done about the terrible prevalence of cannabis addiction in this country, which has claimed my son?" I'd guess Missmelo read it the same way.

The response of some posters appears to be: "Don't talk about it, it upsets us." As MM says, the elephant in the room.

MM's advice is helping me. And probably other MN users who are too scared to post on this thread, and justifiably so.

That is also the overwhelming response I got from my colleagues MrG. Elephant and room. Also flabbergasted at how many mners would rather put my potential to cause offence at parents who have been through this before the actual advice I gave about parental responsibility.

Ooops sorry MrsG!

MM,
I believe that the environment and culture do play a role, but why do only some go on to exhibit addictive behavour and not others? This question seems to have been torturing some of the posters on here who will have acted in a responsible and loving way towards their kids and done all of the sensible things that you say. But the kids still became addicts. In the meantime their friends who are also exposed become casual users who see no harm in their habit.
There is a version of a gene that increases the liklihood of alcoholism - this is now accepted as fact. It is likely that there are other genes that contribute to other addictive behavours. If we can screen for these and identify them what should we do - if anything - to stop them achieving this dreadful potential?

missmelo - I think you're inventing an elephant where there is none, I'm sure the majority of MNers have enough common sense to know they need to speak to their children about these things in an honest upfront manner. They need to talk about how they will be effected by peer pressure when friends take them, so their children realise this is the real danger. When I was at school the emphasis was on talking about 'pushers' at the gates and this does not give a realistic image of how drugs are likely to be first presented.

mrsgmhopkins - if you start a thread asking for advice on keeping 13 year olds off cannabis then all missmelo's 'helpful' tips could be shared there.

OP - I'm sorry your thread has been so hopelessly derailed and that I've contributed to it, I'm going to leave it here so I don't add more fuel to the fire. My heart goes out to you and your son and I hope you find the help you need.

My approach is that the fact that no-one can know what the effect of cannabis will be on any individual, except that in some people it can be catastrophic, ought to mean that no-one should try it. My dc seem to think that's a reasonable argument against drug use. None of us in our family know what our susceptibility is.

OTOH AFAIK, drug use by anyone as young as 13 is almost certain to damage the brain.

There is an elephant pelvicfloorsofsteel, and I not only see it everyday but I see it alive and well here and find it disheartening. We disagree, our opinions are different.
My heart also goes out to LynAnn, I see her situation a lot. I contributed what I did to try to help others. All the best OP hope your son stays clean

I'm pretty sure any thread like that which I might start would be populated by the same posters telling me that there is nothing any parent can do to keep 13-year-olds off cannabis.

MM and Mrs G- have you ever read any of the other threads on mumsnet?-it is not common AT ALL to avoid the truth in order to refrain from causing offence. There is NO elephant in the mumsnet lounge.

If the advice being offered is helpful and offensive, that is generally accepted.

But your 'advice' is irrelevant to the OP. And also, my own peeve, dripping in false sentiment

Drug use in any child is detrimental MrsG, the effect of cannabis on the developing brain is catastrophic, physically, mentally and emotionally. Its great your kids accept it as a reasonable argument :)

Thanks, fingers crossed. They're not all out of teenage yet.

Bejeezus, I can assure you not dripping in false sentiment AT ALL. What a horrible thing to assume. The generally accepted doesn't always mean the right thing. Just because an opinion is unpopular doesn't mean its wrong.

I can believe mm works with people addicted to drugs.
I believe she could have been trained and helps people effectively.
However, she does not have her own life experience of this as some mners on here do. She may or may not have her own children and may or may not have experienced the agony of feeling you may have let your child down when things go wrong. I think not.
She may do the job but is not, I would guess, the best at it and not inspirational, because to be that you have to have empathy, putting yourself in the shoes of someone who is suffering, and feeling that just a little, while you simultaneously help them to find a way out.
And imo if you don't have the life experience yourself, you should have the humility to defer to the person in front of you who does have that experience, which means treating them with kindness, as an equal and in a non judgemental way.
She didn't do that which is what made everyone feel outraged and angry.
One day, hopefully, she'll get there.

Blethermouse I respect what you say and I can assure you I am empathic to people every single day, I see the heart ache, I can assure you. I respect your opinion, I do my job, I have a great rapport with my clients. What really frustrates me is when people can't see the absolute importance of their own responsibility, it has been pointed out to me that OP came here looking for support etc and I asked how her son got into drugs etc. What followed, the backlash against me, the depraved insults, well that has compleltey coloured my view of this entire thread. I have spent the last day trying to explain why I put my point across, thats not normal. When someone posts on a public forum they seek to engage the public.
If you have read all the posts you will see I have directly addressed LynAnn on more than one occasion and assured a number of people they were not ebing judged. Perhaps it taks a little humility from all the accept another point of view

I have spent the last day trying to explain why I put my point across, thats not normal.

you are right there- that is not normal

THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU

I have listened to everyone Maryz, the good, the vile and I haven't spent my time telling msghopkins 'how wonderful she is' if you read my post properly you might have seen that I said she was lucky. Lucky Maryz. The opposite of what you were through NO FAULT OF YOUR OWN. However I have every right to point out imo the best course of action for parents to take. God I wish everyone would get off their high horse of superiority, there is scarcely a person in the land who is unaffected by drugs and the drivel coming out on this site presumes that hurt feelings and preventing them are more important than getting the message across that the best prevention against kids dabbling is education.
My advice to LynAnn is to cope as best she can, on a wider scale, my advice to everyone, is to help change societal attitudes towards drug users and their familes, if you hear something vile or rude or a slur against a drug user and its in your power to speak to them about the pain and suffering caused do it, write to your MP's and highlight the difficulties caused via stigmatisation, use your voice. Thats the best way we can serve those afflicted. LynAnn has a cross to bear, through no fault of her own, like you Maryz, and I genuinely do wish you all the luck in the world and I would like to point out that this sentiment is genuine, I wish you and your family all the best on your journey.

When you say that you work with drug users 'in the community'.

This is a salaried, professional position?

raven, a community based drugs worker, paid, years of experience. Yes she has to cope as best she can. What else can she do? Sink? Is practical advice not allowed? I hope she gets the support she desires over on your new thread, I really hope she does. Goodnight Maryz

Ah OK.

I was thinking you might be a 'community based drugs worker' for some gently bonkers religious or otherwise 'vested interest' outfit. On a voluntary basis, like.