The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spring Into Summer.

[Mouseface]

Hello

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

This is a quest full of Babes, all fighting to remain sober, cut down or are somewhere in between right now.

You ticket to travel is free, it won't expire, and the Bus will always be here, even if there are days when you are not. So come say hi.

I'm Mouse. I have a thing for cheese and vodka, not together, well, not always!

Here is a LINK to the last thread, where you can read all of the previous threads and the journeys so far.

shhhhh Mouse

big huge soft loving >>>>>

and sleep now lovely

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

mouse mouse is there ANYTHING pratical at all that any of us can do to help? I understand that nemo has such special needs that only you can deal with it, but can any of us help by coming and sit alongside you - even if we drink water and you drink vodka; even if we hold your head while you puke. You know that all of us have been there, and if that was what would help in the moment, we would do it in an instant.

mousey-mouse please ask for help. Someone will come by and be with you.

mouse seconding Venus's lovely post.
But don't puke ON me ok? I'm not good with puke.
Attention Babes - mouse is down and out. Put the drinks down, pack the bacon butties and head for Gerald. NOW!

We have a babe missing in action who needs our help....

mouse - nothing practical to add, but you have my number! - if i can help just let me know - my coming week is not so busy i cant drive up to you and do a shift! just call if you want to take me up on it!

as to the drinking, im not judging!, just try and keep it down from the way it was, it wont help matters!

mouse :( so sorry you're having such a shit time of it, don't really understand why nemo isn't "disabled enough" for respite - that's made me really cross!! my sister gets outreach for her little boy, and he isn't really disabled as such - he has aspergers and is a real handful.

Have you tried contacting crossroads caring for carers? maybe have a google to see if there's a special needs advocate near you that could help push for things (I know how exhausting it can be to fight for things when you don't feel like you can put one foot in front of the other any more)

There will be other agencies as well that can help, I can try and find you some links when I've got a bit more time? I wont be home till late tonight but will try and get online then if not it'll be in the morning.

I really hope you feel a bit better today, you sound so drained and soul destroyed :( if there's anything at all I can do to help then please just shout xxx

Hope everyone has a good day and I'll catch all you babes later xx

mouseface

I want to apologise unreservedly for the other night. I'm mortified that I upset you I was upset and drunk. I've only just now read back to what I posted as I was doing my usual head in the sand thing that I do after a binge, but if AA has taught me anything so far, it's that I have to face myself in order to learn. It's absolutely typical of me to take my frustrations out on those that have been most helpful. Anyway, I'm very very sorry and I hope you can forgive me.

One benefit of tuesday night's binge is that it's given me a kick up the backside to get going on the steps, because I don't feel that I have much defence against picking up a drink when the going gets tough, so I've spoken to my sponsor and we're going to do some intensive (well, as intensive as we both can with jobs and kids etc) over the next few weeks to try and get to a place where I have some strength to not drink.

Sorry again x

Morning all, morning Golly nice to see you back, well done for getting back on track.

Mouse has your computer crashed with the weight of PM's . I hope, hope that you got some healing sleep last night, and that Nemo was well, try to have a lollop, as much as you can today. What time is the Dr's appointment?

Much love
xxxx

Good morning Brave Babes.

I've been up hours and have read my PMs and will reply when I get back from the GP.

I just wanted to say that I have NEVER felt so safe in all my life as I do with you guys here. Some may read that and think 'er, it's an internet forum'. Yep, one of the best IMO.

This Bus has taught me so very much about life, love and even laundry!

Seriously Babes, where else would you find 'strangers' offering to drive up on their day off to help you. A person they have never met? Miles and miles away.

It blows me away, it really does. I really wish you all could help, but you know how it is, Nemo would take weeks to get to know you, any of you, to feel safe enough/settled enough to be left on his own. It would be great for you all to meet him, he's like part of the furniture now!

Which is why this new request for respite is so very important. He needs to develop a relationship with the same person, here in his own home, with his own toys etc. and it has to be for a number of days in the same week. He is terrified by 'strangers', even my parents/PIL are strangers to him.

I just hope that this happens sooner rather than later.

I managed to get to bed around 12am, once Nemo had settled properly. 2 glasses of wine, 2 large vodka's and lemonade, 2 pints of water. So not as bad as my previous form but not something I want to be happening long term.

I will give the GP both barrels and tell you what he says, I have a list at the ready.

You are all so awesome. Thank you so much for helping me. I hate feeling needy and pathetic but I just can't carry on like this and I guess that this is the place to say so.

Bye for now, xxxxxx

Oh Mouse

Not sure what time your appt with the GP is, but I so hope he really listens to you and takes this all seriously. Nemo and you, and DD, and DH, so obviously need some good quality, long term, well thought out, practical HELP; not because you're somehow lacking, but because there are some loads which are too heavy to carry alone. I know sleep isn't the only issue by a long mile, but it is so vital for your own physical and mental wellbeing, particularly when you just have to keep going, and going, and going.

I keep writing and deleting, because it sounds patronising and trite. Will settle for sending heartfelt best wishes to you and your lovely family xx

Golly it takes a lot to do that; good luck with the intensive work with your sponsor. How are things with DD?

i know what you mean talldrink!, i have no experience of what mouse and family are going through and everything i write sounds 'patronising and trite' - like you, all i can do is send my best wishes and lots of love!

mouse - have a (((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))) me ole' mate!

golly lovely to see you back on here - don't know if you saw what I posted previously about my own dd, I know how tough it is, and you are doing exactly the right thing by taking some time and effort to concentrate on your own needs for support.

mouse, thinking about you x

mouse I hope you feel held up and loved. I am sending warm thoughts your way.
golly good for you

Day 8: Up at 6, out with the dogs at 6.30 for a four hour hike through the woods - ab-so-lutely breathtaking.

Then back for a bath and a lovely cooked breakfast. If I'd drunk last night I would still be asleep.

A week ago today I had the most appalling hangover. Today I feel so, so much better. Am saying this to help anyone who might be wondering what's the point - my life is undeniably better without alcohol in it.

I'll second that 4c4, day 10 for me. My second weekend without drinking. I took my daughter out for breakfast early this morning. I ate with her instead of groaning into my coffee! She was shocked that I ordered breakfast for myself which made me .
Hi to everyone, I'm just starting to get to know names of regulars now I've taken my head out of my sorry drunk arse.
I continue to be amazed by the wonderful support network this is, the most non-judgemental, safe haven on mumsnet (Although I love the judgemental, unsafe bits too )

Hello, we're back.

Golly - No need to say sorry, I was feeling a wee bit fragile so got upset over your post, something that I would normally brush off. Please don't feel bad sweets. Just keep posting and we'll all help you as much as we can. Stay strong, how's DD? And, how are you? xx

Well, I came back empty handed re sleep meds for Nemo, they aren't liscensed in the UK so my lovely GP can't prescribe them. He did say that he'll do his best next week to pick the brains of the other GPs there and see if they can come up with anything. Otherwise, I have to get a Consultant to presribe them and agree that he does actually need them.

We all do. I told him that this is affecting my marriage, my relationship with DD, my family, everything. He looked so sorry for me. I couldn't help but cry. I had 4 broken hours last night, it's just not enough.

I told him about my drinking which I didn't think I would. He said that I know that I shouldn't be drinking but if it dulls the edges for a while, then so be it. He's going to monitor me closely and told me to be honest with him or else there's no point. Which I totally agree with.

He will back up Nemo's nurse 100% re the respite and will do a letter asking for the same as his nurse.

DH on his way home, early because he knows how tired I am. And, when I got back, DD had washed and dried the pots, swept the floors, emptied the washer and dryer, folded her clothes away and tidied the house. Oh, and done some homework, all unprompted.

She made me cry. She just did it off her own bat. What a wonderful girl I have. So to say thank you, she's updating her iPod with £10.

I'd be lost without her but my guilt remains, she should be playing, watching Glee, chatting to friends. She's so thoughtful.

Right, enough about me. Sorry to take up so much of the thread. And thank you all so much lovely Babes. I may well take you up on the offer of company too!

I heart you all. xxxx

Hiya,

Thanks for being so generous, mouse I was feeling awful about having upset you and immediately realised that I needed to apologise after having considered name changing Silly woman that I am!

Things with DD are sort of ok atm. She's still not in school and now they want a meeting with us next week which I suspect will be a goodbye handshake. There's not much point worrying about it because it's one of those things I have to have the serenity to accept that I cannot change and whatever happens after that is also out of my control to a large extent. She hasn't killed herself, me or anyone else yet so there's hope...!

mouse well done on talking to the doc, and I hope you get some joy with the help you need with Nemo xx

Venus sorry, haven't read your posts yet. This morning I posted my apology because I needed to do it asap and this is the first time I've sat down since then. I will go back and read later after I've cooked tea, picked kids up from swimming (younger one + friend), sorted sleepover bed for extra child tonight and have the sofa to myself.

Well babes, I am in a pickle . Have completely fallen off the bus, in fact, I have forced it to stop, yelled at the driver and leapt headlong into a bush of gin . I don't know what it is - I can stop easily, i can go for months without a drink but when I drink, I drink. I don;t know if it's really excessive - I've had about a bottle of gin over the week, mainly weds thurs and last night and a couple of glasses of cider. I just love feeling pissed to be honest. My life is so dull at the moment and I'm feeling so restless cos of not having work and so on. I'm having a drink as I type, dh is out and kids are entertaining themselves. I won't get obliterated but i do feel so much more relaxed with a few inside me. Argh. Burnt my bridges with AA - I had a text from my ex sponsor - full of heartfelt stuff about how i had to go back, that I will suffer gravely without them etc, and I'm afraid I got really cross and sent her one back telling her she was actually causing a lot of damage by sending such stuff. it may work for a lot of people but hidden threats like that (or that's what it felt like) are quite scary! I have been reading all your posts - sounds like you're having a rubbish time mouse I'm sorry - hope things work out. Hopefully when I get work things will calm down - thanks for reading.

Oh Golly - what will you do if she's excluded? Do you have another school in mind?

I can't imagine being in your shoes wondering if you'll find her dead one morning or stood over you holding a knife. Sorry if that sounds horrid, I don't mean it too, I'm just trying to put myself remotely in the same postcode as you!

Promise that you'll post whenever you need to so that we know you are okay. xxxx

Hey Corrie

The only bit of advice I can give you right now is that you will NEVER stop drinking until you are really, utterly, in your deepest, darkest moment and realise that you do not want to drink anymore.

For whatever reason, right now, you still want to drink. You need a reason. A real reason.

I know I can't talk right now, I know that I am one to talk but the only thing I know in my heart about drinking is what I have posted above.

Be careful lovely and stick with us. Drinking or not, the Bus is for EVERYONE

God knows what we'll do if she's excluded. I've said before that it's a long complicated story and part of that story is that she's on trial at this school and still on the register of her old school, which she resolutely will NOT return to whatever happens. I don't blame her for that tbh, she was threatened and attacked by kids at the old school. We've also removed child no.2 from there and she is now thriving at her new school and none of us would really contemplate dd1 crossing the threshold of the place again. I gave all the uniform away this morning, so she can't now anyway

Lovecorrie sorry you're finding it all hard at the moment. Just in case you're not completely resolute about AA - I don't think you've burned your bridges at all. It's entirely possible that you just had the wrong sponsor (for you). People go in and drop out all the time and as far as I can see they are always welcomed back with open arms.

Best of luck however you decide to deal with it all xx

just checking in with you all - man, some of you guys are up against it right now!mouse lovecorrie golly - hope today brings some relief.
DH and I took DS and a pal to a science fair, and we have done the shopping and two loads of laundry. Have taken DD2 to the stables as she is jump judging tomorrow as a break from studying. Tonight is Eurovision night so have printed off score sheets for us.We are total saddos
Things tranquil - well, on the surface anyway.
Thurso I hope you are proud of what I did this morning!!!!!

MA just looked in, and can't type anything more for shock right back at you...AND.............

AND???????.........

Phew, stopped giggling and saying "you're a terror, ma" under my breath , you have given me the idea to make you proud of me tomorrow!!

DH out at squash, and I have spent bloody ages a long time making spicy lentil soup, and morocan chicken for dinner, now I don't feel hungry at all, yuk to preparing mounds of raw chicken (bleugh!).

Golly I'm sure you know all of this, but your authority (lower case on purpose, I am not so thrilled with Authority), has a responsibility to provide education for DD, in whatever form it might take. There are schools who provide boarding facilities for troubled children, with people on hand in a less prescribed environment, that they can refer her to. They have a duty to do this, as she is so young. I just think that it worth exploring all possibilities, and sometimes they won't tell you about it, because it costs too much!!!

OOps, DC down, speak later xxx

Babes

My lovely ladies (and MIF)

I'm signing off for the night, 3 glasses of cider down and a tummy full of food.

DH is home, DD is chilling and Nemo is spinning round like a pin wheel!

I'm going to potter, tidy and hold my DCs and man.

Sleep well BBs. Be back tomorrow. I hope that you all have safe and secure nights. xxxxxxxxxxx

PS - thank you again for all of your unconditional support, you guys are like my very own, lovely counsellors who have actually been there so know what they are talking about!

Night xxxxxxxxxx