Here follows the V&M theory on the habit of drinking (no scientific proof, just my ramblings)....
I think of habits as being the neural pathway equivalent of driving a car across a piece of rough, muddy ground. At the first attempt, when everything is level, you could go anywhere. At the second attempt you can see the faint outline of where you went, so you can follow that (but you could just as easily drive on a different route). By the third or fourth attempt you're starting to see a path emerge, and it's easier to follow it, and if the ground was quite soft, you might even find that you're starting to make ruts that your wheels drive along more easily than driving over rough ground. A few more runs of this and you've got a definite track. And you also notice that now it is easier to drive on the track than on the rough ground, and when you approach the start of the track your wheels slip easily into the ruts. In fact it would now take a bit of effort at the start NOT to follow the track, but to bump your car up onto the rough ground. And even more interestingly, you notice that some other people are also driving on this track, so it must be normal. A few more weeks and you don't even think about the track. It's become your normal route, second nature, unconscious ingrained behaviour. It has become a habit.
And so it became with my drinking, gradually, gradually over the years, the habit of opening a bottle to celebrate, having a drink (or several) with a meal, turning to a drink at the end of a stressful day, drinking to relieve boredom. It became a track that my life ran upon, my normal response, second nature, a habit. Oh, and of course because my habit was alcohol, it also had a variety of drug effects - a stimulant, a relaxant, a disinhibitor, a depressant. And as my body adjusted to the effects of alcohol, I needed more to deliver the same effect, and the tracks of that habit became deeper and more ingrained.
So, how to change a habit, any habit? Well there are two choices: gradually or suddenly. Sometimes we have no choice in the matter - a right handed person breaks their right wrist and has no choice but to change that habit and, however awkward, to use their other hand. And it is awkward. Anyone who has been in that situation will know that the simple frustration of trying to brush your teeth, or eat you dinner with your non-dominant hand is enough to drive you to tears. That's how frustrating it is trying to change any habit suddenly. People who make sudden massive changes to their diet, or take up an extreme exercise programme know how difficult that is, and know how despite all the good intentions, the sudden change of habit is often too much for us. The diet is broken and forgotten, the exercise programme is abandoned.
And so it was with my drinking. The good intentions of stopping completely, were abandoned at the first sign of stress or celebration. Oh, and what could be more stressful than trying to change a habit? Or more reason to celebrate than having achieved a weekend without drinking? It was like driving my car to the start of that track, before I knew it, second nature had taken over and I was halfway along it without even noticing. It was a bit of a catch 22!
So what about the gradual change of habit? Shown behaviourally to be more effective over the long term for developing healthy eating patterns or effective long-term exercise habits. The problem I found was that making gradual change to my drinking habits involved cutting down, either by sticking to just one or two glasses from a bottle or wine, or by having more days / special occasions / stressed moments / bored evenings when I didn't have a drink at all. What I found was that it takes a lot of will power to cut down, and the dis-inhibiting effect of alcohol reduced my ability to exert will power. So as soon as I had the first glass, my good intentions and plans had flown out of the window, I was back on that familiar and comfortable track, with less will power than before to make the effort to drive off the track onto difficult bumpy ground.
So where does this leave me in relation to changing my habits with alcohol? Well, I have the evidence of many years that indicate that (at the moment) it is too difficult for me to cut down gradually. I can do it for a while but eventually it's just easier to drive on the old familiar track all the time again. For me the only way to break the habit was to do it suddenly and make a new track across the field. It was difficult because at every stressful moment I wanted to slip into the comfort of that old track, the way I could go without having to think about it. I had to use everything I could find to help me create a new path, particularly the support of people on here who encourage me and cheer from the sidelines when I drive across the ground on the new path (especially in the early days, when I needed much encouragement hour by hour and day by day). I also created a series of road blocks to make access to the old track difficult: not having my favourite wine in the wine-rack; choosing to be the driver on a night out; and brushing my teeth with strong toothpaste so that I knew the taste of wine would be vile.
I also did, and still do, make a lot of effort to make it easier for me to take the new path: I have clear tactics for an evening out; I have my fridge stocked with lovely refreshing juices; I set off most days deliberately heading for the new path. I also step back from the whole scene sometimes, view it from afar and I notice how much better I feel, how my mood is happier, how much money I've saved, how much I enjoy waking up in the morning without a hangover.
But I'm not complacent. I look at the ground and I see that the new path is more visible initially, and the old track is becoming overgrown and indistinct. It no longer feels awkward to drive in the new direction and I'm enjoying the different view. However I am all too aware that beneath the new grass and weeds, the old track was a deep, well worn route, and that it wouldn't take much driving along it for it to be back in use. So I continue to post here, to give and seek support and encouragement, and I continue with my deliberate approach to maintaining the new path. I hope in time that mud and earth will fill the ruts on the old track and I might even be able to drive across it occasionally without worrying about falling in, but that feels like a dangerous route for now. I am enjoying my new habit, it suits me.