Divorce papers served - have I done the right thing?

[Wisedupwoman]

Had to name change again to be on safe side.
Been posting on other thread - hope followers recognise this.

H gone five weeks ago after second affair in 4 years was discovered by me but not before he gave many, many clues and slip-shod attempts to keep it 'secret' from me. H wanted out and would have known my reaction to finding out hence i think he took this way to force my hand. Heartbroken as long, long relationship with both adult and teenage DC's involved.

Today the divorce papers went to court to be served. The therapist I'm seeing commented that this has been quite quick. This has set up train of thought which goes 'was this my fault, am I assuming too much here about what H really wants, is he such a monster........'

Need ongoing support about this please......

I'm glad all is OK at the bank/with the mtge.

I think it's gone beyond protecting DD. She's at an age where she needs to hear the truth about things and she already knows most of - you can't 'protect' her, all you can do it keep her in the dark about bits of it and I don't think that's for the best.

Maybe you could say something like 'You know I don't think the Academy is right for you and I hope that now you have had time to think about it too - you agree or at least understand why. I'm sorry if you are disappointed, but I have to do what I believe is right for you'.

So far - today has been one long coffee break... what I need to do is fiddly and I'm not really in the mood for it. Need give myself a kick up the bum and just get on with it!

How about a nice veggie lasagne and I'll be your tester [bugrin]

Hey Chipping the sun's come out here, hope it has with you.

Yeah, she knows what she knows. Yesterday i had a stressed moment and she was very straight about she sees it - her D put us in this situation and I'm doing so well she's really proud of me etc.

I like what you suggest. I will say that.

i also need kick up the bum.

i've got a delia veggie las recipe. will look it out, never looks quite like the pictures but, hey, tastes damn good.

Now should I tell you to get on with the sanding or should i cheekily suggest you think about it again a bit later......

All this cleaning and home reno's going on. Spring has definitely sprung.

Got text from STBXH. Only saw first few words "sorry to have texted" and i deleted it.

On the off-chance that it was about collecting any of his belongings which are cluttering up the shed - will speak to eldest DS later and mention that since i'm about to return to work i'd like him to liaise with H to be there to unlock shed and give access.

I think that sounds reasonable.

Oooh - there's no way I could do that, I'd have to read it before deleting it!

DD sounds very sorted with things re her D. I hope she takes the news about the Academy well. Let us know.

Right - off to go in the shower to remove the dust before going to the gym, then come back and have another shower.... will come back knackered but clean later on :)

Can't say i wasn't tempted but i decided i could fairly well predict:

"we've got to talk about finances/DD/my stuff"

Finances sorted? Check (in a fashion, pending divorce)

DD sorted? all but.

Stuff? Check (in bin bags awaiting collection)

I can't think of any other reason - it's too soon for the "i've made a mistake" speech and tbh in my case it ain't gonna happen.

DD's gone wobble-boarding. WTF is that?

Outstanding self control. I would have so read that text!!

Best not though as it invites a return to the old ways.

Supreme control!

I was back teaching today..THAT was a shock to the system! I miss the sunny afternoons just kicking about

Fitness class done on a board that wobbles - bit like a disc on a tennis ball :)

Frankly, on the floor is enough of a challenge for me, but I'd have loved it at her age.

My friend isn't going to the gym and I'm knackered so I'm self medicating with wine & my Easter Egg instead [bugrin]

I'm self medicating with wine & my Easter Egg instead

I'm going to try that later on...am hoping to forget that I am not on holiday any more....

Good news re finances! V impressed at text deletion.

Re dd think she sounds like she can handle the facts.

WUM: Your DD sounds a real credit to you; how lovely that she said she is proud of you, and that she realise her D is the one who caused this situation. I take heart from this, it's very encouraging to hear. Your DD sounds lovely.

My prediction was correct. Have arranged for DS to be here tomorrow for collection of all his shit stuff. I will be out.

Just put together new strimmer all by myself, albeit in a cackhanded fashion - three dimensional objects always get me stumped.

Back later when garden is looking shaved lovely

Mind your toes [cgrin]

Make sure all his crap from around the house is in the shed - do be careful the new strimmer doesn't get too near any of his shirts though

or any of those sharp, sharp knive you have.... [cgrin]

I do know someone who took a chainsaw to some of her Ex's belongings...

Not that I am advocating that, of course.

It gives an insight into the hurt and anger these people cause. You wonder if they ever really understand what follows in their wake.

Speaking of anger, I have just had row with DS. He stormed off, not taking the shed key with him, I am now paranoid he will spill to STBXH and I'll look silly.

In his (understandable but I think misguided) refusal to 'take sides' it feels like he has managed to sweep away the doings of his step D!

O help. I am so much angrier than i thought. the last remnants of him will be gone tomorrow. I should be relieved and in a way I am.

But..........not feeling so wise now. Feeling crap.

don't worry..par for the course. You are very fragile but believe me, you are doing amazingly well. [csmile]

and be ready for the mixed emotions when the stuff does go. Your emotions are not logical, they are what they are though...and you have to embrace them and focus on how to build the happy positive emotions. Can you plan to do something lovely?

((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs for Wisedupwoman)))))))))))))))))))))

We all have our up and down days WUP; put it behind you and start a fresh day tomorrow.

Good luck whatever you do. xx

Wisey - of course it's hard to see the last of his things go :( You had a life together, you had your whole future planned together - he's let you down enormously, but it doesn't mean you can turn that many years of love off overnight like a switch!

I understand how you feel about DS - by not taking 'your' side, it feels like he's condoning STBXH's behaviour. IMO he should be taking 'your' side, but being cordial with his father (like DD really) - for a good long while!

What did you actually row about? Was it about him not taking sides??

Thank you for lovely words and hugs - feel much understood and comforted.

We rowed about DS having his SD's car this week! On thing led to another and before I knew it i said "but I'm your mother"! and he walked off.

Since then he phoned and I was able to tell him how it looks/feels to me that he is neutral. He told me that he believes his SD has done terrible things but that it feels to him like a bomb has gone off and we're all trying to put the pieces back together. He said he loves me more than anyone but he is trying to keep his mum and his SD. And that the only reason he has the car is because STBXH has bought another one and this one is going back to the lease company. So we're kind of ok again.

Yes fragile is the way I am. If only love didn't fecking hurt so much when it all goes tits up. DD suggested we forget the budget and go for lovely meal tomorrow, so that's what we'll do.

Homework now. back later.
x

Now that sounds like a really lovely thing to do.

Take care of yourself. We do all completely understand and are wishing you every bit of support we can.