Divorce papers served - have I done the right thing?

[Wisedupwoman]

Had to name change again to be on safe side.
Been posting on other thread - hope followers recognise this.

H gone five weeks ago after second affair in 4 years was discovered by me but not before he gave many, many clues and slip-shod attempts to keep it 'secret' from me. H wanted out and would have known my reaction to finding out hence i think he took this way to force my hand. Heartbroken as long, long relationship with both adult and teenage DC's involved.

Today the divorce papers went to court to be served. The therapist I'm seeing commented that this has been quite quick. This has set up train of thought which goes 'was this my fault, am I assuming too much here about what H really wants, is he such a monster........'

Need ongoing support about this please......

Just thought I'd pop in on my way to the shower... I'm babysitting my friends wee one tonight - dinner, bath & bed so lots of lovely 10 month old snuggles!!

How lovely to have a house that's sparkling. Despite lots of towels everywhere and keeping all the doors shut - I have a house full of dust!!

I have solved one of my major problems though and although it means a lot more work I will be happier with the result - so it's all good. Though I now have dust & steam... I look lovely

Good on you for being so straight with DS and good on him for both taking it on board and for being prepared to say it to STBXHW (I'll be pleased when he's simply XH LOL).

I hope you are doing your presentation now!! I don't want to have to get my steel capped boots out young lady!!

Well, I might pop back when I get home (they don't have wireless broadband so it's no internet for me tonight (shock horror) just Skye & DVD's - I'll miss you all).

Have a fun Saturday night - even if you're watching Eurovision!
See you tomorrow!!
x

Hi - Wisey I know what you mean about the fog clearing for people - my kids and friends have made similar comments about STBXH, and for me it validates my decision. You see, my Ex always, always made out it was ME who had the problems, and he was perfect. When other people say things now that I used to be scared of thinking out loud, I feel such relief. My ex bored me and many family members and friends over years and years about his lousy childhood - about how he was the unfavoured child and his older bro the golden child (not true). About how he was sent to a posh boarding school so "they could get rid of him and focus on older bro". Not true - Ex very academic, and older bro not - they paid a fortune in school fees for his benefit, not theres. Anyway, he has now done something so much worse than they ever did - disregarded his lovely kids and me (and I'm far from perfect, but when I look back, the way I tried to please him, and walked on eggshells so as not to upset him makes me cringe), yet he is so full of self importance and sense of self that he will never see himself as others do.

Hope you're ok X

Chipping - see you tomorrow - and me and girls are going to watch Eurovision - it's so naff I love it X Come on Blue!!

yes, I keep stopping short and realising how wrong I've been all this time - thinking I didn't have enough or the 'right' kind of love for him when all the time it was him who just stopped growing alongside me.

And I'm amazed by both DS's perceptions - younger DS said he'd thought I'd outgrown STBX (ye Chipping, the abbreviations will get shorter soon!) and I didn't think he'd noticed anything amiss!

So we're alright we are, better than alright actually.

DD has gone to a party so I have no excuse not to get on with my presentation - I loathe interviews, and would rather do almost anything else, as anyone who has witnessed my avoidance strategies will testify!!

enjoy Eurovision.
See you later Chips (actually I'm free to babysit as well, I don't mind, honest)

yes, that 'hand on a minute' feeling! still get that even all these years later...especially coming on here and hanging out in 'relationships'. It has been an eye opener as to what I put up with really. (and why DH is now such a love!)

Migrating - yes, it's amazing what comes back when you're on the 'relationships' board. Sometimes you have flashbacks and you are and think 'Who the fuck was I then???' Jesus wept. It's also good to know that everyone is here - should you ever need that kick up the arse/hug/listening ear - dealing with things would be far less daunting - and far easier on RL friends!!

Good morning!

What do you mean Chips when you're on the relationships board? You mean there are other boards here on MN?

Hope your babysitting stint was full of hugs and kisses.

I am drowning in a sea of papers - job descriptions, person specs, notes, coffee cups........

Chips i'd like to PM you - is that ok?

Morning - well, it's almost afternoon really, some of us have been up HOURS... (did I sound enough like my Dad??)

My babysitting was full of hugs - I extracted every single one left - I hope the tank fills up overnight or Mummy & Daddy will be upset this morning! Baby is fed-to-sleep - I sat there for ages after just snuggling until my arm was threatening never to recover!

I hope you get your presentation done today :) When do you need it for?

You don't need to ask silly!! I look forward to it... and if it's my address so you can come and do some decorating all the better

Oh the interview is the 25th but I am someone who needs plenty time to fret, worry, grizzle, change things, change them back, start again, rehearse......

Just going to pack DD off to her final football match of the season. Up the blues, or whatever the apt thing to shout is. Will message soon.

I was interested to read about your DS's reaction to what is happening. You can see him piecing together things that have happened in the family and coming to his own conclusions about your Ex and his behaviour.

I have found watching my eldest grow up such a double-edged sword. I am sure you will have some of those feelings too.

He is a lot more perceptive than I give him credit for and is gently evolving into a sensitive and caring man (which to give balance, is often punctuated by being a total B to his siblings when he's at home!) For me, its a real delight to see him thriving and being independent. Not really needing us as much as he used to. That bit of its great - the whole feeling that you must have done something right and been a semi-decent parent.

The downside is that they don't need you for all the day to day stuff and letting go of them is so difficult. Its also quite weird getting advice from him sometimes.

You must be proud of your DSs and their support for you. They are giving you something back now.

You've got a while to go before your presentation. I would be the same as you in the run up to the date. I do a lot of thinking and worrying that I should have more on paper. It always comes together in the end and I have come to the conclusion that I work better under pressure. I'm sure that'll be when you have all your best ideas too. [¹grin]

I am very proud to announce that DD's team won the league final today, 2-1.

It was a game of two halves, and at the end of the day, the best team won. I am over the moon.

Oh, and she gets it from me.

Congratulations. \o/

And yes, of course!

Arf. Am now receiving texts of congrats from H's of friends - all vying for the position of 'it was all down to my coaching'

Go MiniWisey!!!

LOL at the H's! Typical!

Did you do anything on your presentation?

I would bore you with the details but you are too nice - suffice to say I spent the day in 'The Room'.

Hello MNers.

Good luck to all those who will know the world of GCSE exams from this week.

DD says her D turned up yesterday in purple jeans. PURPLE jeans. She said he looked an idiot and another DM asked her what on earth he was wearing them for. She was embarressed.

So he's really into a midlife identity thing - 'I'm not middle-aged with a wife and family and all kinds of shit going on, I'm a sparky young trendy thing with off-the-wall stylie' .

Well, wifey is doing the other option - embracing my status and going in the other direction as he may soon discover for himself!

Chipping I bet your walls are as smooth as a melty hot chocolate.

He always said he was punching above his weight when he was with me - but it don't make the hurt of his not loving me any more any less .

Feck.

Good morning,

Hmmm GCSEs... yes, deep joy (good luck to everyone)

The thought of the purple jeans has put a smile on my face this morning. Is this the same kind of mid-life crisis a la Jeremy Clarkson? I suppose its moments like these that you get a teeny bit of satisfaction and realise that there is a God after all! .

And I thought he wasn't well, not time travelling back to the seventies!

Arf at Alldownhill

but it don't make the hurt of his not loving me any more any less

The downside is that it reawakens the betrayal and hurt when he is out there acting as though everything is normal.

Just keep walking (metaphorically) in the opposite direction. xx

Yes it does.

It's a harsh lesson that once the love is gone you can't force it back, and you can't force it to go away if it's there either.

I'm seeing my therapist this morning, my manager has agreed to fund another 7 sessions for me, she's a star.

I guess at some point in the not too distant future I will have to start doing this on my own. Scary.

Him, ridiculous purple jeans, me sky high stilletos. Already the difference between us seems so great.

Although obviously not as great as it would be if it were him wearing the stilletos!!!!

Oh my god.

I have finally received copies of all our joint bank account statements from the beginning of this year.

he has been visiting her regularly and staying overnight, i think he may even be living there, he's been all over the country not to where he said he was going when he told the children he was going up north for a few days. i'm shaking so much i can barely type it's disgusting and hateful that he even lied on the day he went about having seen her once, he was going there whenever he could.

he's been spending money, from our account on seeing and being with her and there isn't a thing i can do about it. what am i going to do, he's so fucking disgusting it makes me want to throw up.

Oh what an arse!

I'd tot up how much he's spent on trips to OW and get my solicitor to knock it off Purple Trouser Man's share of the financial settlement.