Divorce papers served - have I done the right thing?

[Wisedupwoman]

Had to name change again to be on safe side.
Been posting on other thread - hope followers recognise this.

H gone five weeks ago after second affair in 4 years was discovered by me but not before he gave many, many clues and slip-shod attempts to keep it 'secret' from me. H wanted out and would have known my reaction to finding out hence i think he took this way to force my hand. Heartbroken as long, long relationship with both adult and teenage DC's involved.

Today the divorce papers went to court to be served. The therapist I'm seeing commented that this has been quite quick. This has set up train of thought which goes 'was this my fault, am I assuming too much here about what H really wants, is he such a monster........'

Need ongoing support about this please......

Hello!

Well, I put them in my name because of what Sugar said. I do want to be free of him and his manipulations asap and money has always been a bone of contention between us (years ago he actually cleared my aacount out using my card and I never got to the bottom of that - but that's another story). Plus when at the bank I got the manager to let me see the joint savings account. Cleared out, the last £10 yesterday. I closed it down.

This means he has been steadily clearing the account for some time. Also the fact that he took the last £10 tells me he is seriously strapped for ready cash. So it was probably (nay, definitely) the right thing to do the above before i had yet another nasty surprise.

Whatever, my sol will know it all. Can't be fecked to get angry. At least I know.

I'm glad you got me to do the meter thing! I'm more in the know than i was and that has to be a good thing.

So, so glad I didn't make contact. You have my express permission to remind me of my words if i ever so much as hint at regrets. But you won't need to, I am feeling that confident that the best decision i made was to call time!

So open that wine, I'll open mine and we'll raise a toast to strong, capable, independent woman who refuse to bow to fuckwittery.

women ^, even

OK - will go and get a glass now... :)

Right - cold crisp Sauv Blanc.... here's to Strong, Capable, Independent Women who refuse to bow to fuckwittery!!!

Cheers, good for you!

oh, heck! I'm an hour behind!

Never mind... bottom's up!!

Its great to have firey wisedup back again

Have bought fab pair of platform stilleto's in mad moment online. Intend to wear them when I have to meet with STBXH for mediation (still some way off for me). I will be much, much taller than him.

So that's what a couple of wine's does for me, girls.

obviously i will be wearing clothes too.

right clearly it's time for the walk of shame to bed.

'night all
speak tomoro

xxx

No - that would spoil the look, go naked in your stilletos then he really will know what he's missing out on!!

I'm looking after a friends sick wee girl tomorrow (nursery wont take her & my friend has to go to work)... so fingers crossed I don't get D&V too! I need to be there at 7, so I'm going to try to get to sleep soon.

Night all
x

OP you are sounding sooooooooooo good. Im so so proud of the leaps and bounds you have come on in the past few weeks. cheers. xx

Hey, been away and am catching up. You're doing amazingly well.

really love the impulse buy shoes. Nothing quite like it! I like your style and the additional inches to look down on him.

These aren't so much fck-me shoes as fck-you shoes!

You can be like Nicole Kidman: after she and Tom Cruise split up, she positively revelled in wearing sky high stilletoes

"years ago he actually cleared my aacount out using my card and I never got to the bottom of that - but that's another story"

Actually it sounds like it was another episode in the same story tbh. Sounds like he has always been one to allow the gratification of the moment to override responsibility to the family.

Yes, have just heard from sol - STBXH has not sent the divorce papers back, and now I need to see him to think through going through legal channels about the finances and serving them through the court.

In addition DD texted me to say Chelsea have emailed her to say today is the cut-off point for a place. she is imploring me to not tell them yet, but I am incensed that they appear to be inciting her themselves without involving me as her mother. I am thinking about making a complaint to their board of governors and the fecking F.A about this stupendously stupid and ill-thought out communication, particularly as I have repeatedly asked them to communicate with me and that there are serious issues here which they are only making worse.

It never fucking stops for long.........

I'll put my stilleto right where it hurts if I so much as clap eyes on him.

Why hasn't he sent them back for god's sake? He knew I was going to do this, he said it was fine....

Sorry about all the financial stress, hope you can get to the bottom of it all.

Don't understand why him not returning the papers means, how come it means you need to see him? Can this be with solicitor or a mediator present? Good thing you bought the stillettoes!

Hope work's going ok, the working pattern sounds good.

DD needs to face facts! Maintain a strong line. Her comment about being able to go to the academy if living with ex-h is revealing, especially since she presumably doesn't know about the financial mess. Not fair of him to put ideas like that in her head and make you the bad guy. Bet she will thank you in the long run.

Maybe he is trying to get you to talk to him? Or could it be to do with the financial stuff, eg he made promises that he doesn't want to keep?

Whatever it is, try not to get sucked in.

It's the sol i'll need to see, not STBXH, sorry so angry can't type straight.

I think it's about the financial stuff maybe. trying to force me into talking to him about the academy and other things, probably to soft soap me into agreeing but the finances are such a mess and won't be improved by DD going away anywhere. and i simply don't trust him not to have an ulterior motive - why else would he move somewhere right on the doorstep of this place when he works near where his home used to be?

but that doesn't make any difference.
the divorce is just what it is - the end of the relationship. i so don't want another scene with DD.

I'm sure your solicitor can ask him to get a move on and send the papers back. In fact it might have more force, as he is used to being able to mess you about but messing legal companies about is another matter.

XH pretended he hadn't had the papers for the best part of a fortnight, and we were living in the same house at the time! Kept asking me when I thought they would arrive in the post, when actually he had them squirrelled away upstairs. I found out when he put the true date of receipt on a court document which had to be copied to me. He said he wanted to give himself more time to discuss them with his solicitor, and claimed he believed I had sent them over a long weekend on purpose to give him less time. Like I could be bothered with silly games like that.

It can't be for any other reason than to talk money - there is nothing else for us to say to each other.

thank heavens you're there. i'm quaking again.