Dumpling no more? Only the strong survive and we did no. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support

Waves to Happy,
Saw a dumpling have a flip out phonecall with her X last night and thought so glad I'm not in that place.gave her support but very difficult to watch.Told her about energies and encouraged her with thoughts of positivity and higher self.So stressful to watch someone so hurt.Hope she finds some peace.

Thanks guys. Law isn't fair. Court is supposed to take into account all sorts of things but when you come down to it they just go for half way split. He is an arse. Half a million from out the marriage & he's making me & DCs sell house for £15k.

Poss £10k. Big percentage if house was worth £60k but it's big & we are down south.

And he earns £700 a day!! 3x what he ever earnt before, nearly 4x what I ever earned when I kept us all & thought I was (rightly) really well paid.

Might be good, patience, if you never hear from him - but what about money?

who knows ?
saw a friend of his today ,he pretended not 2c me ,I walked right up to him and said Hi ,how Ru ? Then I just kept walking with the dcs.Yet another spineless twat.Drinks in the same pub.

Darlings I am sorry to be silly and lower the tone but I think we may all be cheered up by the sex tips thread

I have laughed like a drain

Especially at sextips101.com at exploits like little dipper

< ducks >

Y upping tone, happy. Bestest.

Don't know what thread it is H.
just to say this is proper moving on for me now,still don't know how I got here or where I will end up ,all I know is this bit now is the start of my new life.

Waves to all.....

Happy, sorry you had a wobble but glad sex thread is keeping you entertained Will have to investigate when I get a chance.......

Patience, I'd say enjoy the peace for now but I'd imagine he will be back. My xh used do the whole disappearing act too but always turned up again at some point.

Mymy, I agree with you I think it's very unjust

Goo, hope you feel better soon ((Hugs))

Try in chat ....starts I'm stuck somewhere and I'm bored...

Also am much cheered up by middle ages mumsnet in mumsnet classics. Very cleverly written...

Patience, BE also seems to have disappeared...

Morning

Happy sorry you are having a melt down. Strange BE should disappear at this point of negociations

Goo get well soon

Mymy sympathies about the settlement, when did you split up ?

Well I am very up and down and emotional. Dont know why just having a bit of a crisis in confidence that I wont be able to cope on my own/manage new house which is silly as I have been fine here on my own all this time.

Hate the way all this seems to have stirred up huge feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness in me about being ditched , him off with an ow and the future I saw ahead of me axed. I had thought I had left that behind.

Just read an article I have on my favourites about NPD and refreshed my memory on why xh leaving may have been heartbreaking etc but in the long run its soooo much better for me.

Its my last day here and he is going to be here I am guessing 3 hours or more doing stuff. He will be his usual over helpful self no doubt with the constant need to remind me how wonderful he is to us. That may sound good but trust me it isnt. He will whistle and sing and be ultra happy which I will find grating. He will make at least a couple of references to the fact he has come out of work/taken a day off when he is so busy ruling the world.

On the other hand after today I will never need to have prolonged contact with him and all the emotional connections and tendrils of this house will be severed. I just have to get count to 10 a lot. Luckily with my recent maths tuition I can count to much higher numbers now.

Good luck today.

Ok xh has gone for lunch so just a quick cathartic posting.

A very wise friend happened to ring just before he arrived and said keep it cool getting no need to let him no how you feel/think , great timely advice have been making cups of tea even

Loud and overbearing ? Check. Talks straight over me ? Check. Speaks to me like I am an imbecile ? Check. Whistling ? Yep !!!!

DD just asked if I was happy or sad to be leaving here and I said well sad but also that its the complete end of our family being together but that actually after spending some time with your Dad today I am glad !! Was said with humour but she knew I meant it .

Anyway aside from the above its very strange the 4 of us being in the house , first time since Xmas 09 when he left

A few more hours and will be over

Bravo getting,recognising the behaviour that triggers us is such a step to peace.when u can spot it a mile off and go and put the kettle on ur doin mighty fine x

arrggghhh. I hate him. I really really hate him.
Haughty detachment has failed completly today. He's a scumbag and I have been embroiled in horrible emails back and forth today.

I feel so awful when I engage with him - makes me so mad when I get cross at his behaviour. Why should I expect any different?????

So fed up.

Thinking of you Getting on the last night in your house. New beginings tomorow xxx

Thanks Patience and you are right although I am not sure without the pep talk on the phone I could have done it.

Hes gone tg. At one point I decided to pack in the same room as him on purpose. He began talking about his new place and how they hadnt decided this and they hadnt decided that and I just thought to myself he quite simply has NO FUCKING IDEA that just maybe as we pack up our family home I dont give a flying fuck about his extension plans etc etc.

Even by his very high self absorbed standards its staggering that at no point did he ask if I was on schedule, how it was going, do the dc seem ok with the move . Nothing. At . All.

I just think was he always this awful

Kate whats up whats the row about ?

Thanks Pink

Hi from tummy bug lady - missing all this good weather cos feel ever so slightly crap.
Getting - well done on getting through today. Lots of love. You're going to be so happy in your new place and it will be a great new start for you x
Kate - so sorry you're having a crap dayx
Oldest son now looking over my shoulder and telling me not to swear, so better go. Just eaten sausage and mash. Hopefully I won't see it again any time soon!
Love to everyone. Stay strong. Ye are many, they are few x

Goo - hope your tum feels better soon

Getting, good grief! how self absorbed is he? You are nearly there though and good for you for keeping your chin up today and through the move.

I am so mad at myself for feeling so angry at him. He infuriates me! It's my weekend but I had thought that eventually he would ask to see the girls on Easter Sunday. Easter has always been a big deal for us - and the girls love it.

This holiday he has not asked to see them any extra or on the bank holidays or anything (despite me asking him 4 times if he was going to spend some time with them while they were off school)

Today he starts making arrangements to collect them on the evening of the 29th! So I emailed him to say if he wasn't going to see the girls on Easter Sunday...he can explain why not to them.

He emailed back to say, no probs...he would tell them he wouldn't see them.

Well, I fipped out. Told him what I thought about his 'priorities' (they will be seeing HER nieces and nephews on Easter day) what a disgusting person he was. I spoke to his mum to arrange for her to see them on Easter Sunday and told her that he didn't want to see them but I knew she would.

So make plans to pick dc1 up from sleepover on Easter Sunday, see both sets of granparents and then go out for something to eat with my girls...give them the day they deserve.

Next thing...shitbag has spoken to his mum...and I was MISTAKEN and was MAKING ASSUMPTIONS...he did want to see his girls of course and he would come over in the morning and collect them for a few hours.

FFS - I told him no, I had just made all the plans and little one won't be back from sleepover.

So now I am the shittiest mother because he is now saying that I won't let him see the girls!

update Just had him on the phone where I compromised and said he could have them on Sunday late afternoon / early evening instead.

ahhhhgghhh - doesn't fit in with his 'plans' OMG - I could scream and cry at the same time.The he hangs up on me...then he rings back wanting to sort it out...but can't sort anything out till he's checked with the bloody gf what they're doing.

I hate him so much.

So sorry Kate,he is a complete arse.

GGM, hope you feel better soon.
Getting, I can't believe you're moving tomorrow!!! I must keep up with things. My brain is so mushy now.
Kate, stand firm and solid. I am having similar with xp right this minute and am failing to follow my own advice. I try to imagine WWIFN saying 'detach' on one shoulder and my dd saying 'be the bigger person' on the other.
The thought of packing my bags, selling up and disappearing into the sunset is so appealing. With ds of course.
And the thought of xp disappearing is even more appealing .

Waves to Elsie x

GGM lent me the book ,its called a break up because its broken,it says go cold turkey for 6 weeks ,no calls ,no texts ,no meet ups.Only way for someone like me to move to a less emotional place re hurt ,anger ,sadness .I think what makes it so painful for me is he knew how painful all of this was and he still kept on and on lying keeping secrets and generally making a fool of me when everyone else knew the truth .Anyway i am marking each day off on the calender.It will be 6 weeks since we saw him this Sunday and it will be 3wks on Saturday since we last spoke.