Dumpling no more? Only the strong survive and we did no. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support

DCS - just cant believe your X - so sorry.

WIll be back later and yes agree Patience a list of what to do is good. And definitely new solicitor -would CAB know someone. Or ask on Legal board here is anyone could rec someone.

You will get through - and yes hope best for your mum too.

Back later this evening

And thanks so many for asking re interview - was reasonably good- but one question I wasnt great at.

Have op date now and its ok -end of next month so glad that sorted

DCS, so so sorry that you are facing this shit. Thinking of you and praying that you can regroup and find the strength from somehwere to fight the bastard. You are worth a million of him.
Getting, hope the day on the film set goes ok.
Mumfun, fingers crossed re job.
Hope everyone is doing ok. Still feeling a bit detached from reality myself but in a fairly pleasant way. Have found out that OW and her H have definitely split up and their house has been reduced for a quick sale. Sad that 4 adults are now living on their own and dc on both sides having to cope with family breakdown. Actions have consequences.

Evening all. It's DCS here in disguise (unintentionally started a ruck on another thread...)

I have been to my counselling session

I have no reason to feel guilty
I do not have to rescue him anymore
He contributed nothing to our family and marriage for over 12 years.
If he is waiting for a handout of £45k, tough. He needs to get to the back of the queue. He can wait 12 years for his share of the house whilst I live mortgage free, saving all of my money. His welfare is not important; the welfare of me and the boys is paramount.
I am not responsible for his choices and actions.
I am better off without him. My life is better and more simple without him. I deserve better.
Soon I will start to apply for fulltime social work jobs again, instead of working in the piano shop, a job that I took on when we arrived back in the UK as H wouldn't look for work.
It is about the ground beneath my feet. Stability. Only I can provide that.
And again. i have no reason to feel guilty about the way he treated me and our marriage.

I think I'm back, baby.

Oh DCS I cannot believe how fast you have regained yourself, it is so fantastic to read your post . That sounds like a great plan to live mortgage free & save your money, I'm loving it Plans on the job front sound fantastic too. Really pleased for you . Now hope things improve with your mum soon too.

Mumfun, wishing you the best of luck on your interview results . Glad you managed to get op date sorted too.

ET, glad your doing ok & yes I agree the carnage these people leave behind is just so so sad & mostly pointless.

Thanks Starting. And thanks for letting me spill my guts to you all last night. I have really appreciated all of the support from all of you.

Bedtime. Need to catch up on all the beauty sleep lost last night...

DCS - good on you girl - you are a very very strong lady and I admire your spirit - a true "used to be" dumpling! Have a medal from the Geordie wing commander of the dumpling operation :)
Mumfun - glad you've got date for op - will keep my fingers crossed for your interview x
ET - agree about carnage. It's sad and ultimately pointless, all down to selfishness and chasing some sort of cheap thrill. You have your dignity, you are bringing up your kids with respect and love. All the rest means nowt.
Getting - moving is evil but as soon as you have boxes in new place you will feel serene I know I did. It really was the start of my new life :) Good luck.
Did you go kickboxing last night Patience? I missed salivating at your description of men with rock hard abs. Oooh, I do love those descriptions!
Hair update: just blow dried the bastard, looked like a haystack, so tried to straighten it adding a few curls, obviously didn't work (I need to buy a Babyliss curler thingy) so just ended up straightening it. Can't decide whether I look ethereal, like the good old pipe player, or simply like a slightly wizened old bitch. Sure the kids will take pleasure in telling me tomorrow. Year 5 girls will all say I look beautiful, cos they're only 9 and still think all grown ups are lush, Year 8 boys will spend most of English sniggering at my feeble attempts to look any better than the usual heavy cardigan wearing carcrash they see every morning. One of them will no doubt say "Miss...canny hair" which will trigger massive hilarity and force me to come up with a witty reply...probably "Yeah, and canny homework James. Perhaps you'd like a detention, as you seem to have left it in the dog for the third week running". Oh, I love the banter with the teens! :)

Ok my news today is ,I spoke to one of the partners in the law firm I am dealing with and they said I am perfectly within my rights to conduct everything by text message.so they are going to write and ask that he texts me regarding visits and no need to text about anything else.We do this for a 3 mth trial and review at the end of July .Isn't legal advice fab .No more calling me a c* down the phone.They agreed this needed sorting and said "he can't turn up on a white charger whenever he chooses ,"
So a lovely day ,even put my hair in bunches !
Lovely to feel empowered DCS hi 5 ,leave em with their shitty nappies and sleep deprevation x

Do bunches ggm ,I dare ya !
Yes did kick boxing no meds needed this week ,did single point fight when u have to be really fast or block then punch /kick back.v funny as I waited til people had a kick at me ,blocked it and threw a jab .I won every time lmao.
Enjoying my football though ,back again 9 am.
Can't wait for that letter to reach X.I think its called consequences.

Yes yes yes Patience. You hold all the cards. You are calmly in control. You are the only one acting like an adult in this situation. You will prevail. I love sols too.
Bunches? Not sure....I can imagine you look totally cute in bunches. Think I might look like a mutant Dorothy Can't give the 13 year olds any more ammunition! I wore a jacket with lots of gold buttons on a couple of years ago and had very curly hair up with bits hanging down. One of em said "Eeh, miss, you look like that Michael Jackson"!!! Haha!

I think its my inner child
Just do low down ones at the back not hi up ones out to the side.
Ur head of dept you can do what the hell u like.
Ps I am taking my style and beauty tips from dd atm she seems to be a natural at getting the right look and always tells me i look beautiful ,making the most of it atm x

Hi guys. Was on a natural high after great news re. DD & NM Mon. But... not sure how strong I am. Nice afternoon |(great for me since they're so rare) with DS2 DD & DS2's friend. But... M phoned 3 times tonight (& would have been 10 if hadn't put foot down) ranting on about DS1's key (don't ask or even want to know - he's 19). Can I really go & live in same village even though she needs me (she is, I think, NPD at least & always has been no exaggeration)?. OM texts me for 2nd time after 24 hours silence asking if I "OK" - he's suffered a lot over my traumas & am so happy he's back but I can't do these power games just 36 hours after we get back together. DD & DS2 (particularly) not over moon as they would have been if we'd made it up after a couple of weeks. H emailing about DS1 & wanting me to get in expensive & protacted rubbish legal fight over £900 from 2 years back. All in last 24 hours & sorta manageable, but then DS1 comes home & finally I find out that he's had the most awful row a week ago with H over DS1 asking him to get his maintenance paid to me so I can get mortgage & pay DS1 on each month. He's the 1 DC who really badly wanted me to move back to rented house near my mum. He won't speak to H again, won't even agree to let him have his new number. Is so damaged. Can't ask him to mend fences & H putting pressure on DS2 to make DS1 talk to him or row with him prob.. DS1 said when his Dad left that "At least Dad was usually OK with me, unlike he is to the rest of you." Feel so guilty - all that gone.

Mymble sounds like loads u have to sort out atm.I would break it all down into bitesize pieces.Remember to keep urself happy ,seriously suit yourself ,do the whole healthy selfish bit .the kids will cope if ur happy.Imo Xh is still trying to control u with money issues,this should all have been sorted out.Ignore all correspondence unless its legal.That is my new plan.Don't feel guilty re marriage break up ,its Xh that is prolonging the divorce proceedings.kids should have had peace and stability for a long time by now.
Like my X Mymble if I stay in contact with him he will drag me down with him ,I don't want to be in that place again.I now have freedom to restart my life the way I choose.I don't have to say yes to anything I don't want to do and I don't need to feel guilty saying NO to anything,I just suit myself.
Just keep firm boundaries re ur M and NM.Do things on your terms.I just think I spent my whole life pleasing everyone else but now I choose to please myself.

Still buzzing over the whole ,text only,thing .This will change my life !

Hi everyone

Great news Patience lets hope he sticks to that

Orange great post glad you sound sooo much chirpier

Not much to report just packing and more packing but its going well and dd has been here helping me all day, made me realise its a while since we spent time together like this

Friends for dinner later so got to dash

Hello all. Mowing lawn. On the edge of extreme exhaustion. Roll on tomorrow. Not enough hours in day for all the different things I've got to do!

Thank you so much Patience for your wise words. :)

Have u read co dependence no more by melody beattie Mymble.I just think there is something in there for everyone.Just don't carry it all on ur shoulders.Step back and get rid of all the unnecessary negatives in ur life.Her book points out how we can go through our lives thinking we know what's best for others but never spending time on what we want/need ourselves.This part of my life is all about emotional growth and not having to rely on others to fix me ,I can learn to fill the emotional gaps myself and walk my own path now,that doesn't make me selfish just a much more independent thinker.I matter now Mymble ,i didn't see it that way b4.

Have a nice night Getting,
GGM chill on the gardening mate .....hope u put ur feet up during the holidays ,seriously ,part of this emotional growth thing is to be able to see rest as important as work i mean it .Please Please have at least one pyjama day when the lads r with their dad and dont cook clean or care about anything in the whole wide world but YOU!!!!!

Btw on the argan oil .....story so far .
Havent straightened my hair all week (unheard off).No more vertical spiky bits No need for mega loads of styling products .Very shiny and not breaking .Have been using a conditioning treatment too when I wash it.Think my hairdresser will wonder whose hair she is cutting next time I see her .Didnt realise how unhealthy my hair looked .Need to find 100% oil ,this one still has silicones in it ,dont know which one to buy though

Patience, when you find out which is the best Aragan oil to buy can you send me the link . I equally didn't straighten my hair all week as I decided to embrace my natural curl, unfortunately unlike your sleek mane mine now resembles a birds nest gone wrong . To be tackled over the easter break!

Goo, yes, rest

Getting, glad the packing is going well & hope you have a lovely evening

Mymy, hope things calm down soon for you again, it's so hard when you get lots of stuff going wrong all at the same time.

Well chicken pox have struck casa Starting again tonight! Poor dd's back is covered in spots & worse she has about 8 large spots in her vagina, none anywhere else yet. Will bring her to the Dr first thing to get the viral boost he told me about.

Aw wee soul Startin,my dd was 6mths,both dcs in nappies ,top to toe spots ,i was still feeding her and everyone said the immunity would be passed on but mass of dots,anyway got it over with ,but sending you my best wishes its rubbish when they are sick and uncomfortable in the holidays.

The shame of my hair straightening addiction Starting is not one curl has appeared ,it has been blow dried but i think its forgotten how to curl due to being ironed within an inch of its life .Bought some organic oil online tonight ,so only difference is one is 100% oil ,others are like serum with argan oil in.I think pure oil will penetrate the hair but serum one does a job but sits on top and can go dull after a while .
anyway i am a convert ,just bought tiny bottle but will encourage anyone that hasnt booked a holiday to consider morocco .Meant to be fab for wrinkles, cuticles, hair, feet, basically fab nourishment altogether .

Thanks Patience am hoping the viral boost will prevent her getting a bad dose. I had been watching out to see if she'd get them after ds. We had a party tonight & just as we were heading out the door I saw a tiny mark on her neck so I actually checked her top to bottom & she hadn't a spot. Went to party where there was approx 200 kids, came home stripped her for shower & low & behold her back was covered in spots!! Am thinking of all the kids she had contact with!!

Strangely I've also been straightening my hair to within an inch of it's life for years but still my curls just bounced back. First few days they looked lush (or so I was told) now however I just look unkempt!! Will deffinately be checking out the Argan oil.

Must have been a great party though 200 kids .
V funny day at football ,really goin to miss it next week.lots of good fun.Think its on again in the summer and it might be my birthday so lots of things to look forward to .
DS has been singing staying alive stayin alive ,all week ,i think its all part of when u score a goal .He then did a disco dance and was amazed i knew the song ,anyway coach saw me running up a wall then u turn and jump down ,he was phmsl at me ,he shouts ds s mum what are u doin ,i said im just practicin my moves.
Im just taking this inner child stuff a bit far atm but had a very funny game of winking detectives tonite.(remember kids are 4 and 5 so winking dcs crack me up ,v funny)DD explains the rules(ie makes them up on the spot) ,ur the winker and im the detective.Then someone does the winking.If ur winked at u have to then pretend ur sleeping.Detective has eyes shut and then has to guess who was the winker .If you guess right then u r the winker and previous winker is the detective,no blinking allowed .

Just remembered DS had the pox in march and 3weeks to the day Easter monday dd broke out nothing in the morning by lunchtime covered ,definately the time of year for it !!!

Just got a bit of a shock. Had dd at Dr this morn & got viral boost. Mentioned in passing that eldest dd has been complaining about a pain in her knee for awhile but she'd been doing a lot of Irish Dancing & sports stuff so could I just ignore it or did it need to be checked. Dr put the wind up me a bit by saying it could be a very serious hip problem & I have to bring her straight to hospital!!!!!!!! And breath.............