Dumpling no more? Only the strong survive and we did no. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support

Happy that last song has sent me running for the kleenex.........

get out ur glow sticks LOL!!!

Great tunes ladies

everytime i see the girl

Sorry Starting....

well, as we speak exbf is probably playing the "You're sweet enough you know you are but sometimes I need more song" in a pub half a mile from my house. great.

Oh my god you guys have been busy on here while i've been away!! I have like 2 and half pages of posts to catch up with :L probably not gonna happen tonight but sending hugs to anyone who needs them. I love our little group and thank you too for the comments on fb page. I know the only real advice I can rely on is professional legal type for the contact issues so am seeking another solicitor for a 2nd opinion as ds is xp's stepson and atm i have been ordered to hand both dc over for contact. just have a niggling feeling that i'm not getting the right advice from my current solicitor on that, basically saying 'tough-ds is the same as dd' (his biological child) .

I am sorry for all of you having ex-prick problems. sometimes i just wish we could ship them off to a remote island to enjoy each other's company. can dream eh?

had a fab night partying in a 70s 80s & 90s bar to very cheesy music but was all good clean fun (no guys needed haha) xx

Sorry ladies had visitors so had to abandon music night!! Got another email from Norm so not sure what if anything is going to happen.

Goo, sending you virtual hugs

Someday, I don't know your story but sounds like a good idea to get a second opinion.

OMG that put a big on my chops!! Just had a message on dating site from fittie who sounds not only erm, normal but someone i could actually have decent convo with. This is a first for a long time, so out of touch not really sure what to reply lol. He is moving to my area with work soon and want to know if i have any recommendations. guts are telling me he doesn't mean 'for where to get a leg over' ahh shame but what?? plz let my instinct be wrong hehehe xx

morning everyone. glad you had a good birthday someday x
well, he didn't come round after gig. i felt ill last night, went to bed at 10. surprisingly calm though. sick of drama so just didn't engage.

Morning! Urgh Googs my lovely Hope you're feeling a bit better today. I would suggest you do not meet in a few weeks with him if he makes you feel like this but you try and find that assertiveness in you to say no thanks to him x

Someday, oh you just gave me a good laugh

Goos, hope you feel better today & really glad you didn't meet exbf

Hugs to Starting and Googs. Its so hard!

Had lovely party. Sad without kids today.

Getting through lots of boring admin, cleaning.

Hi to all

havent read need to rage sorry

having a meltdown today, the kids have trashed my house, broke my bed and when i tell them off all they do is laugh at me, i feel like i just cant take no more

i cant clean or do anything because i dont trust them to leave them so i can do it, i dread to think what else they'll do when im not looking
when i feel like this i get so angry that there father can just walk away and not look back

why is it all left to me to deal with? why cant he do what he is meant to do? i hate him soooo much, what did we do that was so bad?

i know this has nothing to do with me wanting him and it has nothing to do with him at all really im just having a bad day but i need somewhere to direct my anger and hatred and its not going to be at the kids!!

i blame him for this, they never behaved like this before and since he left and abandoned them they have just got worse and worse and i dont know what to do

have been crying an hour now and resisting the urge to text or call him to rage at him for the fact i have to do this alone with no input from him while he gets to swan off to a new life stress free

this is not what i signed up for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thought there would be 2 of us to do this and now there isnt, it's just me, i am one person how can i deal with all this???

spoke to mum too and told her how stressed out i was and how i was feeling overwhelmed and she just said i was too soft on them and need to put my foot down and to leave the mess and do it tomorrow when they at school, i pointed out that ds2 is only at nursery half a day and so i would still be left with the youngest 2 and that i had an appointment for a smear so wouldnt be able to do anything while ds2 at nursry anyway!!! and i got nothing, no offer of help, to have dc nada

i just want someone to help me and give me a beak so i can do something without worrying what else their upto

Can some of them not go and play with friends at their houses? Are there places you can take them that are free like a good park so they can burn some energy off? My two always play up more when bored. I don't know, I only have 2 kids and they're both so young so I maybe way off base here. But I wanted to post something. I can't believe your mum didn't offer either to help you.

Same here, Sov, same here. Absolutely doing my head in. It's mainly the constant fighting - older one kicking the younger one. This weekend it's come to a head - older one is now sent to his room every time this happens and he's lost all his pocket money. Then we went out this afternoon to a fair at big country house with my friend, who's husband is the gardener at the hall. Went to posh cafe there and youngest decided to get his willy out in the middle of the cafe just for a laugh. I was absolutely mortified. They are verging on out of control and it's taking all my energy just to contain them. For example, if I want to get ready before going out anywhere, which only takes me 2 minutes at the most, I have to physically separate them and put them in different parts of the house for those 2 minutes or there is open warfare. It's taking all the joy out of everything. I hate it. Crap.
So it's not just you my lovely lady. Take heart from tha if you can x

Oh and on Friday night just happened to look out of the window into the back garden to see my 4 year old on his tummy on the back garden wall (he had scaled the wall by pushing a step ladder behind the tree which covers the wall - yes, yes I know) and he was just about to drop down onto the other side and into the back lane. This is a 6 foot drop. Panic and disbelief doesn't come into it really.
Oh, have to go. Left them outside in garden for one minute and they're both fighting and screaming...

Ok my thing is learn their currency.just keep repeating THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR and start being TOUGH.
Googs ,eldest child NO FOOTBALL,im serious ,let him work it out for himself ,ITS A FUCKING PRIVELAGE NOT A RIGHT,FUCK U ABOUT U LOSE PRIVILE
GES !!!!!
They have to work out they choose what life they have,stress mum out,No Treats,calm and well behaved FOOTBALL,PARK ,TOYS etc.
Ur entitled to a life ,ur not their slave ur their mother x

Loads of hugs to googs and sov. I know it doesn't help either of you but I am your boat too and just wanted you to know you're not alone. my house is constantly a shit pit and come dc bedtime there is just nooo way i have any left over energy to clean it up. I can't keep up with 'today's' chores let alone eat into the backlog. I absolutely dread having visitors and avoid even my support worker coming around. Most nights i settle for knowing i have bowls/spoons for the morning and clean (unironed) uniform for ds, but even this is just too hard somedays. It disheartens me to see all the scribble on the walls, ripped wallpaper and nasty stained carpet, even if the place is clean when that blue moon shows up it still looks nasty. my dining room resembles a chinese laundry with all the clothes that never make it upstairs as, like both of you, i can't leave dd/dc alone long enough to get anything done. you're lucky if your feet don't get stuck to the kitchen floor or even make it through any room without tripping. the door to the front room is the only access to the downstairs rooms and i have to padlock it and pin the key to my pjs to stop them trashing the place even more at night/early morning. i can't count how many times they've flooded the place and upstairs has screwed up wet bog roll stuck everywhere looking like the toilets at a secondary school. they can't have toy boxes or any furniture in their rooms apart from their beds as they use it to climb and 4 times the nieghbours have banged on my door in the last year to tell me that dd is hanging out of her 1st floor window. they have even thrown curtain poles out of the upstairs windows as well as all manner of other things into both gardens for all of the neighbours to see. I have developed a very thick skin i think.

look closer at my fb pics and see the mess in the bacckground, unless i remembered to crop

Aaaaah. Not just me re chaos then.
Eldest has scratched youngest really badly. I have calmly told him no football this week. He says he is ashamed of himself. Both in bed now. Some days are just like this I guess. They only play up for me. With everyone else they are fine. You're right Patience - I'm using their currency x

absolutely not just you :) i think it must be commonplace in the homes of pre-schoolers. i am a sahm and don't know how any mum finds time for a job lol i am just praying that when youngest is full-time i will have some time to catch up in the week. hmmmmmm

iirc there was a thread about support group for the parents of 3 year olds (might have been AIBU: to think there should be...?) sorry, on crappy laptop keypad/mouse as usb is charging flat phone so can't do links). I love funny threads that you can't help laugh at xx

Mine are at school - that's the thing! Sometimes I find it hard knowing whether I'm being too hard on them cos I'm a teacher or too soft on them cos I feel guilty at working all week. Mind you, I'm very preoccupied with the mountains of work I've got to do atm and with my friends who's going through such hell and I think that probably rubs off on their behaviour. Can't wait for end of July and summer holidays for some "us" time, when I can try and relax and just "be" with them.

not that long now only one week left of this term/half term. at least you have a genuine reason for domestic chaos being that you work, i have no excuse