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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dumpling no more? Only the strong survive and we did no. 4

915 replies

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 09/04/2011 09:17

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support Grin

OP posts:
googoomama · 06/05/2011 22:52

NEW THREAD HERE

googoomama · 06/05/2011 22:53

oh god we don't need one! hahaha! Just realised it is 1000 posts before new thread needed. Please ignore! I will delete new thread! :)

googoomama · 06/05/2011 23:16

hey P I put a song up! Where are you boogie lady? Do you need something more upbeat? Giss a minute! x

googoomama · 06/05/2011 23:18

funky

Patienceobtainsallthings · 07/05/2011 00:04

Oops ,sloped off to read about crystals.X not doing Sunday,just hate seeing the kids upset.

Mumfun · 07/05/2011 08:26

so sorry Patience. big hugs to all of you!

Original poster
IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 07/05/2011 09:22

Oooo, missed the music.

Grrr at XH Patience.

XH around this weekend. Can anyone tell me how someone that says they are not working can swan around in a flash car and attempt to entertain DCs in a pricey restaurant.

Hmmm, detach, detach. I feel pleased that my lawyer is scary.

OP posts:
Patienceobtainsallthings · 07/05/2011 10:58

Yep happy i hear what ur saying.
X can't text me and tell me what's going on he has to make 5yo ask ,then say no he can't make it ,cue tears.he will not communicate with me ,he sees that as weakness.

romneymarsh · 07/05/2011 14:10

Hi all, hope your all ok, havent had chance to catch up as been busy at the Forest Fires in Berkshire for the last 3 days, getting smelly and very dirty!!

Sov hope your evening went well last night, so please for you.

Hopefully wont get called out today and get a day at home catching up on thread and getting some housework done, dog hair everywhere!!

googoomama · 07/05/2011 18:28

Hi everyone. Oh bloody hell, just wrote a HUGE post and lost it. Will write later. Romney - hope forest fires are under control. We're having tropical type rain on and off today - very warm here (well, for Northumberland!)
Patience - I feel so bad for your little one. Your ex, as my brother would say, needs to "man up" (that's what my brother said about MY exh and he was right). Just sending you lots of love and positivity - I know you are remaining serene and I admire your strength.
Hi Happy - love your comment about the scary lawyer!
I need advice - well, not even advice, just bolstering really. Exbf back in touch big style. Wants me back. I know this is a bad idea but bloody hell, it's hard x

Patienceobtainsallthings · 07/05/2011 19:00

Of course he wants you back googs ,ur all the things he is not .I would say revenge is a dish best served cold .Enjoy the attention then get rid of him forever.Remember how he treated u ,dont go backwards he has never changed ,same spots on this leopard.Walk away from this narc,dont fuel his ego for a second time.
Close this door shut and open up another to a brighter life for u and ur boys x

romneymarsh · 07/05/2011 19:02

Oh my goodness GooGoo - be strong, do what is right for you but remember what he has put you through! I don't know what I would do in your situation, don't do anything, sit back and think about how far you have come and how much happier you are without him.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 07/05/2011 19:09

ps my X will never man up .He is an arse ,same leopard ,same spots.He will keep hurting me every chance he gets ,just to make him feel better because he is such a sad bastard .
I have moved on so much sometimes I dont realise how different I am now.

Googs ffs dont email him ,dont fall for Mr Nice guy ,cos he is not ,he is just an immature arse with zero responsibility ,but if you listen to it all you will get hooked in again ,its like a fecking addiction ,take care x

Patienceobtainsallthings · 07/05/2011 19:14

Its not that these guys are in love with us ,its just them checking we still bite when they throw us some scraps.
Now mine treats the kids the same way ,how nice a guy is he ?

Mumfun · 08/05/2011 09:00

Googs take your time.

Once a narc always a narc - think it through.

Hugs -its hard

Patienceobtainsallthings · 08/05/2011 10:53

Morning googs,hope last nights bolstering wasn't too bossy,just these kind of blokes piss me off.Away to make a pendulum and check out my chakras x.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 08/05/2011 11:00

Will try and do the 9 squares thing tonight ,will write about it ,need the self discipline to fill my head with positivity,just need to strengthen my shield to protect myself from Xs general headfuckery.

googoomama · 08/05/2011 11:22

Morning everyone. No love last night's bolstering was fine!
Just pissed off that I'm back thinking about him, wondering when he's going to call etc. There's no way I'm getting back with him - he hasn't asked me yet but sent a pm on fb saying "Slightly drunken pondering bloke wondering if you are available for a chat sometime.......?" and a VERY lovely song from Joni Mitchell. Apart from anything else, when we split up I swapped child free weekends with exh, so we would never be able to meet up without kids, as our "free" weekends are not the same. So there we go. Exh did me a favour there :) It's just sad. He just likes the chase, fancies me and is obviously alone and missing sex. Nothing changes there then. Just got the nerves back since he's been in touch and I hate it - feel angry with him for making me feel like this. He's playing with me again but this time I ain't biting. Can't pretend that it isn't flattering and a bit exciting but that's all it is. He fecked my head up big style last summer and I'm not having another summer of mental illness due to a bloke. Thank you all for listening and reminding me of basic things. Love you girls x

Teaandcakeplease · 08/05/2011 11:31

Wise advice Googs from Patience. When are you going to delete him from fb? Wink Grin

Away to strip more wall paper here Well the kids watch fireman sam.

googoomama · 08/05/2011 11:39

Oh Tea. I can't. Don't know why. Just can't. I guess I know I'll be completely over him when I can :(
Good luck with wallpaper stripping. You are a brave woman - lots of admiration here! Not sure what to do today. Had a lovely day with the boys yesterday, they didn't wake up until 9.45am today! But now it's raining. What to do? Hmmmm......

Teaandcakeplease · 08/05/2011 12:08

Soft play?

Patienceobtainsallthings · 08/05/2011 17:50

Strange day today ,working a lot of stuff out that I thought I had answered before .
Just another step to freedom x

Teaandcakeplease · 08/05/2011 22:16

Hope you're ok Patience. I'm so sorry your feckless ex has let the DCs down again.

Mymymble · 08/05/2011 22:25

Good luck Googs. It's hard to forget someone. I've been back seeing NM for about 3 weeks now & still don't know if it's the right thing for me & DCs prob. not the latter, just that we were so damaged by H & still are being. Chat is the always used word. It's no committment, just their way of opening up the door to raise their egos (among other things) hoping you will ask them back either for good or for friends with benefits shag.

Lovely sun here this afternoon. Waves to all.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 08/05/2011 22:33

Thanks Tea ,i think it all has to come out ,every little bit of denial and negative energy that DIVORCE brings with it .
Over the worst but prob xmas before it doesnt affect me at all ,who knows.All i know is I have been given a gift of emotional development and I
have to work my way through it to make me more useful in this life that i have been given.My X drank his way out of our marriage ,he has his own journey and my kids are better off without him in their home .