Hello Naysayers!
Right. I have come back to update because a lot of people were very kind and supportive and took the time to help me and share personal experiences both on here and on PMs. Thank you so much.
As to the other posts... well, I suppose that you can only go on what I have told you and I guess most people mean well. But honestly, NOT HELPFUL. I say that without malice. I was asking for help on how to fix things in my marriage.
My husband is a good man. He loves me. We laugh every day. He brings me tea and the iPad in bed every morning and takes the children off for nappies and cereal before getting ready for work. He texts me nice messages through the day. He works hard at a demanding job, and then comes home and lies on the carpet building train tracks or plaiting Barbie hair. He puts up with my many short lived hobbies. He tells me dinner was delicious even when it is boiled egg and soldiers. He washes up and irons. He can fix anything. He lets me play Lady GaGa in the car. He takes the kids swimming every weekend because I am a SAHM and he recognises that I need some time away from the children. He boycots Nestle. He re-examines his views about feminism every time we talk about it. He thinks it is sweet / unremarkable that our 2yo son likes wearing a pink frilly tutu and playing dollies. He cheerfully eats a 90% vegetarian diet because I am veggie and I do the cooking. He tells me that I am gorgeous and kind and the best mum in the world. He sends his granny flowers when she sounds down and in pain on the phone.
Now, I know I didn't put any of that in the OP, but I also didn't say that he was a nasty, manipulative, duplicitous, self-serving, selfish, hood-winking arsehole.
He is human. He has a problem that he is dealing with in an entirely human way by ignorning it and hoping desparately that it will go away. This does not make him bad. It also does not make our marriage a lost cause.
I liken it to someone who genuinely does want to lose weight, but just has one more packet of crisps. He genuinely does want to fix things, but it's quite a mountain to climb tonight, so maybe tomorrow would be better. And he has finally booked a doctor appointment for this week.
Am a bit shocked by the number of people who feel that it's not worth trying to save a marriage where two small children are involved, and both parties want to sort things out. Seriously, why would you dole out that judgement to someone who is asking for support?
ANYWAY.
(I didn;t plan to write all that, it just came flooding out).
THE UPDATE!
We really are making progress!!! We have agreed to attempt sex every other night. Every time is getting better. The first night was awkward to say the least, but at least we could have a giggle at the dreadfulness of it all. The second night was a bit better. The third night had moments where we were both simultaneously actually enjoying it. Tonight I was actually looking forward to it! We are getting there. Still not all the way there but we are encouraged at the way each time is better. We are getting less self concious. It is GOOD! Still not pregnant as dh hasn;t managed to ejaculate yet but tonight he was alllllmost there. Maybe tomorrow? Hope so!