The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Giving Up Booze For Lent.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

I'm Mouse.

We are a Bus load of posters with various relationships with the demon booze. Some are sober, some are not and some are inbetween.

So come say hi and meet the rest of The Babes, there's always plenty of room on the Bus, the doors are ALWAYS open.

No judgy pants are worn on this journey, pants yes and even the odd Tena Lady but always of the non judging variety.

Previous Threads

Hey Bafana you have done a great job with your FIL, done everything you can to help him and it is his turn now. Your job is to look after YOUR family ie your DC, and you do that by protectiong your own state of mind and your own sobriety. You are doing really well so take a from me.

I think when we are newbies we are feeling very raw and vulnerable - it is a big thing to address the problem drinking in this way - and some advice/chat can over as smug or confrontational, but the big benefit here is that it all makes us think about what we are doing and maybe try to adjust that behaviour. Hang on in there - we are all in this together, whether days months or years down the line.

Bafana - I haven't been round long enough to know what has been going on with your FIL, but it sounds an awful situation . A lot of people wouldn't even have tried to help him, let alone when struggling themselves. I'm sorry that you're feeling so sad tonight, but I agree with BB about putting yourself first now as much as you can.

Thanks BBwanna I just want to cry, he just won't help himself, and it is breaking my heart.
He missed his DGS's first birthday today and his son is understandably totally totally furious.

I am tired from the constant worry of him drinking, and he is so fucking pathetic when he is drunk, a full blown pity party - the only good thing is that it strengthens my resolve not to drink , it's just such a waste he is a self fufilling prophesy, he has no one - no one understands him - and with that attitude continung - that's exactly what he will end up with. And he was such a huge support to me when DP left, and I really want to do right by him, but I don't know how long I can continue doing it....

Thanks trist just being able to talk about it is helping.

I'm so sorry Bafana. Do you think he will take the antabuse, has he had it before? You are a really good person and that is why it makes you feel so sad and helpless, have a good cry on my shoulder. BUT you don't have to 'pay him back' for a kind moment, he is a grown man and he can make his own choices, just as you have made the right choice.

Be kind to yourself.

I am very much a newbie, and still find it difficult to post (is it ruder to ignore or to try to join in conversations between people who obviously "know" each other ) but I have been overwhelmed by the genuine welcome and support I've found here.

Ultimately, I've forced myself to barge in, because I saw in this thread a real lifeline, and something which could help me with the very simple, but not at all easy, path of just stopping drinking.

Hi BafanatheSober, who am I to say but you sound amazing, I wish I had your strength. I spent some of this afternoon in a grotty pub looking at people who, like me, shouldn't have been there and who I'm pretty sure had reason to be elsewhere; family, work, partners, etc. But I knew that the one thing that had drawn them to that place was not necessarily the booze but the chance to be alone and feel free, with no-one demanding things from us. All of us were going the wrong way about it. Just some thoughts.

Twelve StepsThese are the original Twelve Steps as published by Alcoholics Anonymous:[10]

1.We admitted we were powerless over alcohol?that our lives had become unmanageable.
2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5.Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7.Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10.Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12.Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Hth

Tristmum I don't think any of us really 'know' each other. We are all just clinging together like the folk in Wheresmumgone's pub, hopefully without (but often with) the drink in our hand. I have been here for nearly 6 months and sometimes get because I get here only after work and everyone has been having a good chat during the day. Often I feel that my comments are out of synch, but if I feel moved to comment I do because it helps ME.

BTW I have only been to one AA meeting, wasn't too keen and have been able to stop drinking by using the support of this thread, but we all have to take our own path.

trist I just kept barging in , and I eventually became a "regular", the weird thing is I have been a member of mumsnet since 2003, (in various guises) and this is the first group of people I have ever posted regularly with . Keep posting - the more you do, the more at home you will feel.

wheresmum - not amazing at all, just have come to realise, that no matter how shit my life day is going, it will only be made worse if I choose to drink, and bloody hell - I am a stubborn bitch - because it took me a hellava long time to get that!

My problem is, now that I have discovered that nothing I do is enhanced or improved by alcohol, I want my FIL to realise the same - actually - he does realise that - he just hasn't worked out what to do when he wants to drink.

BBwanna - nope - he's never done antabuse before. Only time will tell if he will do it this time. I really really hope so!

interesting posts tonight - welcome to newbies. i am relatively new, here a few months, not here from the beginning. I find this bus immensely helpful and for a while was racking up the sober days. I am back to drinking most nights again now and am ashamed at my weakness. No excuses, nobody forced me, I jsut want to drink more than I want not to, I suppose.
MIFLAW can be difficult - I had a falling out with him a few threads back, so I DO understand - but please stay. I have had so much support on here and it has made me face my drink problem, if not resolve it yet.
There are wonderful people on here and the best thing is that nobody judges, the way people would in RL. Please don't feel it is cliquey - it isn't. just some people have been here longer than others. i was made to feel so welcome when i joined it has changed my life.

It's such a shame that I have got into a row with MIFLAW when all I really wanted to do was make friends and get some support. Ultimately, I know being here doesn't make a damn bit of difference to my life unless I change my behaviour, and I'm not always drunk, but if I'm honest, it's getting more frequent, just wanted to make the point that some posters can be scary from the outside.

Waving at Ma!!
How are you doing, don't feel ashamed babe, not weakness, just life...

wheresmum - please don't feel like that, a minor disagreement over a nuance over the internet. There have been a fair few disagreements on this thread . We are all big enough and ugly enough (well Mifl is ) to not take it personally.

Keep posting, keep sharing, keep taking out the things in the thread that help you.

If you look back at old post (end of Nov) - I was posting as Ilovebafanabafana, I was in a right state - and that is an understatement, but the people here could not have been kinder or more supportive. These internet fairies have played a huge part in me staying sober, maybe we can help you too?

Hey ma waves!!
mwah mwah

Whersmum I don't think Miflaw would look on it as an argument, he always likes a lively discussion
How are you doing tonight? What is your plan for tomorrow?

hey bafana - waves back. got to go
still on for the meet up?

Wheresmum - ignore miflaw. Don't let a random poster put you off.Don't engage with him. Don't read his posts, skip them totally that's what I do and see what everyone else gas to share.Don't give up! It's like with all stuff on mumsnet - there will always be people not for you but you can choose to ignore them.

RIGHT YOU LOT

SHUDDUP

This thread is about support.

Supporting each other.

Not about who is right/wrong about any method of stopping drinking.

Not about giving other posters a hard time when they are trying to help.

Lets get back on track here and focus on the real issue.

We all have problem with alcohol.

And being on this thread helps us all.

End of

Still love you all though xxxxx

and TWDA and wheresmumgone - maybe you should take your uninformed and deeply shallow opinion of MILFLAW onto private messaging.

I for one, don't want to hear it and am not interested....................

Hello Silver good to see you got your voice back, makes a change from the odd BOO

Hey BB - glad you are doing so well babe

and one other point to Purple - just fek off.

right now that's out of my system...............

Isindie > xxx

Cheesemouse where are you hiding

I'M BACK

xxxx

Hi Silver - so glad to see you - you shy retiring wall flower you!!