The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Giving Up Booze For Lent.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

I'm Mouse.

We are a Bus load of posters with various relationships with the demon booze. Some are sober, some are not and some are inbetween.

So come say hi and meet the rest of The Babes, there's always plenty of room on the Bus, the doors are ALWAYS open.

No judgy pants are worn on this journey, pants yes and even the odd Tena Lady but always of the non judging variety.

Previous Threads

Thurso thats good to see that his hard work (with you supporting him) has been recognised

Are you around today Ma, and Mouse?

Thanks Zany, just feel a bit aaargh! IFYKWIM.
Is it your surprise tomorrow? Do you know any more about it?

Yes it's tomorrow, I am being picked up at 5.30 and I know we are flying from East MIdlands airport. I am pretty sure it's Dublin but haven't let on. Feels very strange being spoilt/treated well like this.

How are you doing generally Thurso

Thurso I know that what scottish mice like most is Mars Bar. They cannot resist the smell of chocolate - put some in a mouse trap and bingo! PS Although I am all nice and kind and a bit yoga & peace-man, I wouldn't bother with a humane mouse trap - if they go wrong they are not at all humane - better with the old fashioned wallop them quick variety. Do not delay, you don't want loads of baby mice!

Oooh, how exciting Zany, I'd love to go to Dublin, very stylish and trendy, so I hear.
Generally?, there doesn't seem to be much in "general" about me these days , I swing between up and down like a flipping roller coaster, only time I'm relatively stable mood wise, is at work! Maybe now it's the end of the financial year, DH will have less on his plate , and it's been two weeks tomorrow since he started the Ad's, so they should be kicking in.
To be honest, I'm fine if I'm at work, and if DC is at home, but outside of that I feel a bit drained inside. Still, I haven't got anything to grumble about in the big scheme of things.
Is it your actual Birthday tomorrow Zany?

Venus But I want DH to catch it in his hands, and set it free!

MIFLAW is a MAN??!!

Wheresmum - I hope you're ok. Here's an analogy I heard recently. A woman uses one of those disability mobility cart things, she takes it to the shop and thinks it's wonderful, really helpful. When she gets to the shop she gets off the cart and walks in, does her shopping. She gets into the habit of using the cart (can you see where I'm going with this yet ) and slowly, over much time, she loses the ability to walk at all. So something that started as a helpful tool ended up the cause of a much bigger problem. That's alcohol, that is

Gawd, I hope no-one ever asks me to do a share at a meeting, cos I'm blatantly crap at it. When I heard that analogy it was worded so much better than

Very quickly, sorry to ignore all, I'm around thurso, will pop back later. Thanks for checking. xx

Golly

Did you really not know I was a man?

Does that make me better or worse in the eyes of those who think I attack newcomers, I wonder?

dont start mif!, we stood up for you and told it how it is!, dont stir!

I may well have 'known' that you were a man at some point, but I'm not known for the powers of my memory

It is neither here nor there with regards to attacking (!) newbies. I guess there are lots of people who aren't ready to admit that they've got a problem so any suggestion of AA would probably feel like an attack. Can't say I felt that way at all, I was very grateful for the help and advice

Me? Stir? How very dare you!

But I am always interested by the different perceptions men and women get for identical behaviour - and also in the pictures people must have of me in their head on what is, after all, a mainly-for-women website.

Thank you for defending me, too.

Hi all. I think I'm right in saying that I didn't accuse MIFLAW of attacking newbies, rather I said he pounced on them. Subtle difference possibly, but important. If you look back at previous threads, he immediately responds when someone new - and therefore vulnerable - introduces themselves. It is clearly his way of making newbies welcome, but his style is a bit frightening and frankly a little bit overwhelming. Could put posters off, and, as he points out himself, this is a mainly female site and in my experience women tend to empathise and listen to each other for a while before suggesting how to right wrongs. Generally, men like solutions, and women like to share while deliberating which course of action to take. He undoubtedly talks sense and is only to be applauded for changing his behaviour, it just takes some of us a while to get there. Why is a sober man posting on an alcoholic Mumsnet forum anyway? Glad he is though.

"Why is a sober man posting on an alcoholic Mumsnet forum anyway? Glad he is though."

Well, I'm glad you asked.

I'm on Mumsnet because we are a bilingual family and my wife recommended I give mumsnet a go to get support from other bilinguals in that respect. You can find my postings there going back about three years if you're interested.

While on the site, I browsed other threads. I came across people - I presumed women, but don't actually care - who sounded desperate for help with their drinking. As I had found a solution to mine I wondered if, as they were so desperate, they might be interested in hearing how I got out from under.

Some of them were, so, when such threads came up, I kept posting - not just recommending AA (which I do) but also in practical terms, e.g. how to avoid the first drink, how to deal with drinking situations, what my own sobriety (to date - it's not like I'm cured) has been like and so forth.

Then JWN posted. I chipped into her thread, she seemed to find it helpful, I stuck around. Then others started following her example and I became something of a fixture.

Hope this helps.

Hi wheresmum, I'm with you and find it all a bit cliquey sometimes. But there are other newbies who come on too. They don't Lwsys stay that long but it's nice to know they're out there and youre not alone. Agree about the sober bloke thing too, I did always wonder...

"it just takes some of us a while to get there." It took me a while to get there too. And it was horrible. Hellish. I thought about how much easier life would be if I wasn't in it.

I aim to reassure people from the outset that, if they want to stop drinking, they can, and that they can be happy about doing so.

"Generally, men like solutions, and women like to share while deliberating which course of action to take." As you say, quite a generalisation. Here's one of my own. I would guess that, in general, people who have a problem with alcohol come to threads like this - i.e. confess it to strangers - as a last resort. They would, I imagine, want early reassurance that their life is not over, that this horrific existence can end, and that the family and friends who seem to hate them are not irredemably lost.

So, generally, I aim to provide that reassurance. I know this is not AA, but on average I would imagine more people drift into AA, go unnoticed, drift out again and die, than are scared off by an over-enthusiastic hello.

Could be wrong, though - I'm just another alcoholic, nothing special at all.

TWDA

Wonder no more.

TWDA

If you were wondering that hard, you could of course just have asked me, it's no secret.

Thank you, it does help. I know you are a tremendous source of succour and help to many women on this site, and long may that continue. Am just slightly nervous of being 'converted'. As a catholic, this matters!

Wheresmum

converted to what? FWIW I'm an agnostic atheist so

1. your religion is your own concern

2. I am proof, if nothing else, that one does not need to follow any particular religion, or any religion at all, to be in AA.

This is not an attempt to recruit you; only you can decide if AA is for you. But I would like you to know that, if religion is your main obstacle to considering AA, then there is absolutely no need for it to be.

wheresmum - Try some of the really early threads - v.helpful and lots of imput from all sorts of posters

As you say, quite a generalisation. Here's one of my own. I would guess that, in general, people who have a problem with alcohol come to threads like this - i.e. confess it to strangers - as a last resort. They would, I imagine, want early reassurance that their life is not over, that this horrific existence can end, and that the family and friends who seem to hate them are not irredemably lost.

Nice, smart little digs there, v clever, I can do that too if you wish. And yes, as I stated, I was making a generalisation, but it's based on experience not theory. I am delighted you are in a happy place, but as I said in my earlier post, I am turned off getting the help and support I may need here by you, no nice way of saying it I'm afraid. And I'm a nice, gentle person. I fully expect you to reply saying something along the lines of 'better off smug than dead,' but you don't know about the deatils of peoples lives on here, only what they choose to tell you; it may be easier for some than others.

Hey All

I have to say, I am so glad that I am not MIlf tbh, I really don't think that I could take the continual bashing he takes on a regular basis , maybe one day!!
I only joined this thread 5 months ago, and stopped drinking 4 months ago, the bus was well established at the point, but I had reached a point that nothing was stopping me from joining (although I had been reading and ignoring it in equal measure for 5 months before that ).
For the months prior to it - I was still at the point where I was prepared to make and use excuses - too cliquey, too straight talking, too whatever.

I could have made the same excuses for AA, too in your face, too nice, too difficult to get to.

I am only responsible for my own actions, I am the only person responsible for my drinking, I make a choice every day about it.

If you choose to believe things about the people on this thread, or the things that are said on this thread that ultimately is your own decision.

Right - mini rant over.
Just been over at my fil - and he is pissed again, have taken him to the emeergency doctor, and they have prescribed antabuse at my request. I have said that I cannot allow him to continue to drink around the kids (pretty bloody rich coming from a fellow alchoholic) but I cannot continue to support him and him to just keep drinking. Have come home and cried, but his drinking is currently escalating, and I cannot make him stop, only he can, but I am not going to support his drinking either. Need some wise warm words here coz I feel like shit

Wheresmum - stick with it. I live in hope other newbies will come out of the woodwork and stand together, tell their own stories, give their own advice, listen...