The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Giving Up Booze For Lent.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

I'm Mouse.

We are a Bus load of posters with various relationships with the demon booze. Some are sober, some are not and some are inbetween.

So come say hi and meet the rest of The Babes, there's always plenty of room on the Bus, the doors are ALWAYS open.

No judgy pants are worn on this journey, pants yes and even the odd Tena Lady but always of the non judging variety.

Previous Threads

Thanks Tortoise

I've taken the liberty of setting up the new thread in case this one gets to big.

Same as always, please fill this up first so that it 'closes' so to speak.

Off out now Babes, be back later. xxx

HERE

Gosh, phew, crikey! Lots going on.

tortoise lovely to see you. I recognise your name because I lurk on other threads - that means you are much braver than me. I used to post occasionally under another name, but namechanged to come on here (what if all those clever, wonderful people on other threads knew I was an alkie ). Now I post on other threads using my v&m name - if people check me out, well so be it.

That brings me back to the 'topic of the day' [groan] ..... I do understand what the post about not feeling safe. It is an eternal nightmare of mine that someone will search every single post of mine (including the ones under differernt names) put together a dossier, publish it in news of the world, turn up at the door and arrest me for admitting to drunk driving, and take my dds away (even though they are both beyond the age where ss would be interested). We all make ourselves vulnerable on here, we make ourselves vulnerable in many ways. So sometimes I don't always say the exact details of where I'm going to or what I'm doing (who knows what a random google might pick up). I sometimes refer to my dp and sometimes my dh - it's inconsistent but I hope that no-one is in any doubt that I do have a dsomething .

I am very glad that mn has introduced the pm system. It means that I have been able to meet up with people from here for REAL without making myself more vulnerable by having to posting any contact details on this, a public forum.

Oh, and tortoise I'm sorry, I distracted myself.... this is what I wanted to tell you... I really understand what you are saying about being pregnant and how it prevents you from drinking at the moment (but mostly not because of the protection of your little baby, but because of the vile metalic taste).

Perhaps once that phase goes, you could use your pregnancy (and early bf to find some drinks that you really love - my favourite at the moment is Bottle Green - Ginger and Lemongrass. It is slightly fizzy, not too sweet, a bit tangy. You could also get into the habit of working out when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (have you lurked enough to read about HALT?) and to satisfy those needs before automatically turning to a drink to solve them. And you could find things that you genuinely enjoy that keep your hands busy, your mouth busy and your hands busy, so that once your baby is born you already have the good habits in place.

Congratulations on your pregnancy - we love babies on here

Goodness, I haven't posted on here since sunday!

Hello ladies

Welcome, tortoise. I had hopes of pregnancy being my saviour from alcohol so I have some understanding of what you're saying. In my case, I abstained (almost completely) during both my pregnancies because I don't actually like one glass of wine - I don't think one glass makes me feel very good tbh it just makes me sleepy and a bit useless. I liked the entire bottle and probably half of another one , so I was quite lucky in that respect but I very quickly slid down the slope again once I'd stopped breast feeding. My kids are now both in secondary school, so that tells you all you need to know about how long I let it go on for until I made the decision to knock it on the head quite recently and go to AA.

I had my sponsor over yesterday with her daughter - the daughter and my dd of the same age got on like a house on fire, so that's going to be very handy!

On the subject of vulnerability, I've been struggling with the higher power idea. I haven't yet been able to come up with something that I can actually picture my higher power as, anyway, I was talking to my sponsor about it because I wanted to check that AA wasn't a covert way for the church to recruit vulnerable people, LOL! (it's not).

Several people I've met have said that I could just think of AA as my higher power, but that doesn't really feel right to me because it's not like I'm forced to go to meetings or anything, it's entirely my own self will (!) that gets me there. I think it's tied in with my reluctance to not be so self reliant, because I have always thought that self reliance was a positive thing but apparently I'm supposed to lean on others more

Any AA elders here who could give me any hints and tips?

Hi Golly, I'm not a regular AA person so if what I put here does not answer your question then please feel free to ignore it totally...

I have heard it say that it doesn't matter what your Higher Power is, as long as you know that it isn't you..

But I sort of disagree. I'm not AA, and I'm not religious, but for me 'Higher Power' is not something outside me or separate from me. It is not a God in the clouds, it is not a Deity. My Higher Power is something which is within me and is part of me. It is an essential part of what connects me to the rest of the world - to all that is best in people, to feel compassion, to feel a sense of love for humanity (in contrast to my Ego which connects me with people to compare me with them, or to belittle them or myslef). My Higher Power is the part of me which makes me be the very best that I can be - those times when I am 'in the flow' doing all that I should be doing, totally in harmony with myself and with others.

That's an interesting concept V&M, especially the bit about how it is different to ego. I'm finding a lot of the AA concepts absolutely fascinating, there's a lot to think about!

The closest thing I've come to in terms of 'choosing' a higher power is an idea that we are all part of the universe - that idea makes me feel tiny because the universe is so big, which is probably good for not letting my ego get out of control. The other thing I've thought of is (trying not to sound like a ruddy hippy) an idea of mother earth. The only 'religion' that has ever interested me was the idea of secular paganism. So revering the earth/nature, but not buying into the idea of gods. All of it involves surrender though, and my experience of surrender was to have a drink, so surrender = weak, but AA advocates a feeling of surrender. I'm having some of my lifelong beliefs challenged

HI babes

Lovely to hear from you Noteven and well done on a month. Really sorry to hear about your Mum. Are you back at work and how is you you DD.
Obrigada didn't realise you were desire
I had a lovely night with my friend who's Dad recen't died and her Mum and am planning on a girlie weekend to Spain with them.

Golly I don't think surrender is weak, I think it is strong, if you are surrendering to ALL the GOOD things that you are, stopping fighting it with all the crap that we speak to ourselves (I'm not good enough; I'm wrong; I'm bad, no-one likes me). Surrender to the things that really make you feel content - you'll probably find that it's NOT alcohol which make us feel guilty and angry - and instead you might find that the things that make you really smile are things like a big sunset, the smell of new mown grass (if you don't have hay fever), the sound of a laughing child. Surrender to that enjoyment is easy, joyful and totally not a religious cult

just checking in. still in london and exhausted but had a lovely time.
have been drinking but not to excess and will be bck on the wagon when I get home as only 4 weeks until the Race for Life and seriously need to get my arse into gear.
How are you all my lovelies?

Evening all

Welcome Tortoise, and congratulations on your pregnancy. Well done on making that first post and that admission to yourself. There is some wonderful help here, as you already know.

You have prompted me into admitting something on here which I haven't before; namely, that my reason for feeling I had to do something about my drinking now was that breastfeeding was no longer enough of a deterrent. I have found with each subsequent pregnancy that it was more and more of a struggle not to drink, and this time round, I have been drinking more than I ought while feeding (not loads, but more than I should). Sorry, I don't mean to make this about me, but just to acknowledge what you've said, and maybe as an extra tiny bit of food for thought. I'm finding that the not-drinking is throwing a lot of other stuff up too; maybe the "enforced" abstinence of pregnancy can give you that time to consciously re-assess your drinking so that, as Venus said, you are better equipped to approach it once your baby is born.

There won't be any more babies here and I've realised that, having always vaguely thought I get my drinking under control when I grew up - when I had a career, when I was married, when I had children... - booze has, if I'm honest, sabotaged the first, not helped the second, and was compromising the third.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Hey Ma

Lovely to see you. Glad you are having a good time in London still. It's good that you are in control of your drinking and feel happy with what you are doing IYSWIM?

We miss you! xx

Mouse how are you feeling now?

Better Trist - my throat and tonsils are back to the size that they should be!!

How's things with you today lovely?

"you, one, is never going to really get better, you are just dabbling with being sober, find a backbone, get on with it, admit the problem and DO something about it!"

I'm with Isindie on this! This is going to be written down and placed in strategic places where I will encounter it on a regular basis.

Consider my arse well and truly kicked.........

Welcome Tortoise and evening to all you oldies (is that the opposite of newbies

Good day here, if you discount work! DH away tonight which would normally result in multiple bottles of wine but even though the beady eye is not upon me, hot choc, Masterchef in a mo and then bed for me.

Maz xx

FWIW I love this thread, it has done so much for me personally and I know it has for others. I feel the pain, the frustration, sometimes the agony, but what it boils down to is that we all have a problem, the same problem in whatever shape or form, we all react in a different way..........but we all share a common goal, however we get there.

Hello

I thought I might join in if thats OK. I have been reading these threads for a while.

I don't know what to say about my drinking. I don't feel right about it. I have had many stages where I've looked into ways to drink responsibly. I get bad hangovers, I feel out of control but its also sometimes the only thing that makes me feel relaxed. I have a hangover today and I utterly cringe at how inattentive and snappy I've been at work, and at home. I'm cringing at the idea I might have smelt of wine, after smelling it on a colleague a few weeks ago and thinking how awful it is. I'm embarrassed, I was clearly hungover but told everyone I had a migraine and will have to keep up that pretence tomorrow and can't stop thinking about it.

I feel so unhealthy and like its a waste of time tbh. anyway I decided to post tonight, although I am not sure where I am going on my drinking journey, because I'm watching an incredible documentry, which I've seen before. Its probably well known in AA circles but please, please watch it of you haven't. It follows a small group of alcoholics from hospital. its incredibly made, sensitive and very sad but I can't recommend it enough. It scares the hell out of me. Its called Rain in My heart- you tube clip here-

Serenity Nice to meet you, and I can sooooo relate to what you are saying.

Thanks for posting that link. I remember seeing it (just before I posted on this thread if I recall) and I was searching for it a few weeks ago as I felt everything slipping. I'm going to watch it again tonight in bed, it scared me shitless then and I know it will again.

Hello Serenity

I will watch that clip, thank you, I just can't watch it at the moment, my internet is having a wobble and anything on youtube is like trying to watch a film whilst being on the Waltzers, drunk!

For me your post rings true with my own drinking. My very first post on here was 'how much is too much'

I knew that I didn't like the drunk Mouse. I didn't like the control booze had over my behaviour, you know?

So, find a seat, get your PJs on and grab a hot chocolate, I've just made a fresh one.

I'm signing off for today, wow, what a day! I'm done in. Busy day tomorrow involving crutches, pain meds, hydro and a wee bit of OUCHING!!

Sleep well all, Nemo is fighting the sleep fairy tonight so any extra dust out there, can you spare it for Nemo please? Thanks Babes xxxxxxx

Night mouse

Good evening all,

A bit of a busy week here, so far. But fanfare I did get my assignment finished...whoop de doo!.

Very tired now, but I wanted to say hello to everyone, and send my love, and thanks to all, I still sometimes can't believe I was lucky enough to find this thread [kiss to JWN icon!]

Fairy dust and gossamer wings to Nemo xxx

night night xx

Glad the throat at least is better, Mouse, hope you (all) get a reasonable night.

Hello Serenity. I hope that you find what you're looking for on this thread.

Night all.

Thanks all for being so lovely

evening everyone! - well, i met the mother, she seems very nice and i didnt disgrace myself! , the wedding will be september next year - i feel really pleased about that, im not unhappy about the engagement but im glad things have slowed down a bit, just a bit worried that dd was pushing too hard and would find events overtaking her!

anyway, its lovely to see everyone here, hello serenity! (thats a nice name!) i found over the years that drinking 'responsibly' was never going to be my forte! , i tried for years to monitor my intake, to regulate myself, do 'deals' with myself, it always ended in disaster and a helping of self-loathing!, when i look back, it was totally bloody exhausting too!, all that calculating, weighing-up, clock watching etc, oh god!, it makes me tired just to think about it!, i know ive said it before, and at the risk of becoming even more boring than usual, i find life so much easier now, my first decision of the day

TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING

frees me up for the rest of the day, i have so much more time, more energy, more peace in my head, room for thoughts, time for friends, time for chatting and reading and gardening and cooking and none of it seems a chore because im not constantly wondering when i can fit the next drink in - its such a freedom, i feel so liberated and light and so cross with myself for wasting all that bloody time buggering about, making shit decisions and upseting my family - i really really dont want the old life back!

so, off to bed now - am off to the smoke in the morning for a round of meetings, got lovely new shoes today from river island, lush nude suede with 5in snakeskin heels , an absolute bargain in the sales (even bigger )

night night babes!

see you later on tomorrow!

L XXXXXXXXX

Holly, this My kids are now both in secondary school, so that tells you all you need to know about how long I let it go on for until I made the decision to knock it on the head quite recently and go to AA. actually just makes me think "right, so, clearly it's perfectly possible to carry on like I am and still function adequately for at least another decade, so I don't know what I'm worrying about.

Clearly I'm not cured (you think?) quite yet!

But I really appreciate knowing that others have thought the same thing about pregnancy-as-cure, and I also appreciate knowing that it doesn't work. I already know that, really, so what I'm trying to do is figure out what work I need to do on myself now, when drinking isn't an option, to make sure that it's easier at the other end. Really grateful to everyone who's weighed in.

JWN, congratulations on your daughter's engagement, by the way. I was on your first thread, and have sporadically lurked since, and I'm so happy for you that things have turned around this much. I adore your daughter's proposed theme, that's utter genius. I want to be involved!

Jesus- I felt like that about smoking, which I quit 6 years ago. It was a compulsion, an utter obsesssion. Have I got enough fags? Do I have change for the fag machine? How many fags left? That's 2 an hour. Broke? Budget how many fags I can smoke. I pretty much left home so I could smoke in peace. I wonder if I transferred that compulsion and anxiety to booze? I was always a big drinker (spent most of my 20s pissed) but no in this compulsive obsessive way.
I don't even think about smoking now- when I actually did give up it was easy enough. I'm glad I don't have to worry about them now.

So today I am not drinking. Off to work to make up for y

Yesterday, even!