The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Giving Up Booze For Lent.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

I'm Mouse.

We are a Bus load of posters with various relationships with the demon booze. Some are sober, some are not and some are inbetween.

So come say hi and meet the rest of The Babes, there's always plenty of room on the Bus, the doors are ALWAYS open.

No judgy pants are worn on this journey, pants yes and even the odd Tena Lady but always of the non judging variety.

Previous Threads

isindie I love it when you post your wonderful and sincere thoughts.

I agree so much with what you posted last night. I also believe that each of us is responsible for how we behave and also how we react to things that confront us. No one on here can MAKE me react in a way which is angry or hurt or defensive, that is something that only I can make myself feel.

I do believe that we post on here with concern for each other and with understanding. But we are all variety of humans, each with our own approaches, our own soft-spots, and our own models of the world. At times this thread works so well because that honesty and sincerity resonates with someone else. Yet also sometimes that honesty and sincerity hits a sore spot a little too hard. But I would much rather be part of this community where we can be honest (even if it sometimes feels brutal) than be part of a nicey-nicey ineffective group. I have occasionally pm'd people from here to offer personal support, to let them know that I'm thinking of them, but I cannot solve things for other people, each of us has the responsibility to do that for ourselves.

I know that in my own history I have attended alcohol groups and managed to be offended, hurt or pissed-off by them. I do not think that they were doing anything wrong, but rather that it was not the right support for me at that time. I also know that the easiest way for me to defend myself and avoid facing up to the reality has been to attack/ridicule/dismiss.

I am thankful nearly every day that you lot ARE here, and I often wonder about others who have posted but for whom this is not the long term support they need. Bless you all xx

morning all! lovely to meet you chuss!

well, im going to tackle the 'elephant'!

im heading towards a year of sobriety, ive held on to my family by the fucking skin of my teeth, its been hard, easy, difficult, has involved so much bloody soul searching my soul goes off and hides, its been wonderful and awful, ive felt angry, resentful, glad, pleased, pissed fucking off, high as a kite and lower than a snakes belly! - ive met some fantastic people (and a couple of arseholes!) and ive been given the best fucking advice ive ever heard! - if you look at my first thread you will see that i was given some pretty tough comments at the time, all i can say is thank god for that!, i said i was loosing my family, 'expat' simply said 'stop' 'today', tbh that was the post that hit me most, no hearts or flowers or hugs or poor yous, just 'stop'! - if someone is in danger of loosing everything they hold dear and they ask for help, they cant pick and choose what people say to them! noteven had lost her child, ss had placed her baby with an abusive father, of course i felt sorry for her, you would be a monster not to have any empathy for someone in that situation BUT!, she asked for help, she heard a few things she didnt like and left, fine, thats her perogative!
if she ever posts again i will be so pleased and will welcome her back, but im not going to be all hearts and fucking flowers, sometimes being 'kind' is enough to kill someone!

this disease, illness, compulsion, call it what you like, will take everything a person has to give and then take a bit more, it can ruin a childs happiness, leave them vulnerable and scared and blight thier lives forever, its not their fault, they dont pour the drink down their mothers neck, we do that all by ourselves, without thought or care for the consiquences (and dont kid yourselves, we all know the guilty feelings we have when we do it, but hey, we can keep on doing if we try hard enough cant we!)

and i suppose that this is where i judge!, i was so desperate not to lose my family i would have taken any advice, done anything, gone anywhere, you name it, i dont believe in knocking people when they are down, but seriously, without the truth, sometimes slapping you right in face, (the truth that is! ), you, one, is never going to really get better, you are just dabbling with being sober, find a backbone, get on with it, admit the problem and DO something about it!

there endith my rant - i hope to god i havent killed the thread stone dead, i honestly care about the people who post on here and it has been my saviour in some very dark days and i thank you all from the very depths of my heart!

L XXXXXXXX

I am absolutely sick of all this. The reason I PMd Ruby when she asked about noteven is because I didn't want to drag all of this up, yet again onto the thread. I was honest with her about my thoughts and fears about noteven.

Posters come and go, we have lost lots of people who caused ripples on here over the last 11 months. And in the same respect, we have gained some great posters who are so so supportive, even when facing their own demons.

No-one can say for sure what is true and what is not about a certain poster, you only have what they tell you to go off, either on here or if you meet them/phone them what ever.

You all know how I felt about noteven but only a couple of people know why. I am not prepared to post my reasons publicly on this thread because I respect the privacy of the person involved.

I believe that the situation with noteven made some posters feel uneasy and upset, perhaps some of her story was a little too close to home for some. Whether or not anyone would agree with that openly on here, is up to them.

Everyone has a right to their point of view. I aired mine and left it there. Why are some of you still dragging this up? No-one asked her to leave the thread, that was her choice. I wished her good luck and I meant it.

She clearly needs a lot of help.

If any of you take umbrage with my honesty, then say so on here.

Just as you would when MIFLAW spells it out.

Name names, get it out in the open, say what you have to and then leave it!

Nothing constructive can come from beating the same drum.

X posted JWN

JWN still here and thank you, and Isinde and Venus. This thread offers support and insight and options but each one of us must, in the end, be responsible for our own actions.

Looking forward - JWN has DD and fiance decided when the big day will be?

Isinde and Mouse hope the sleep fairy has spent at bit of time with DTs and Nemo.

Thurso how's life on the south coast? Is DH still tackling DIY projects?

It's a bit grey here but some rain would mean not having to water the new plants in the garden. I can get on with some work mumsnet instead.

you are welcome isindi!

right, wish me luck, im off out later to meet dds 'mil'! ,(we are meeting for afternoon tea! ) she sounds very nice but rather posh, am hoping i dont let the side down by burping or something at the table - we are going to discuss dates! another , who took my baby and replaced her with this grown-up?

at burping at the table JWN! Never in a million years! Hope it goes well xx

mouse, one of my most mortifying moments years ago - i was at a posh wedding, had dreadful wind, you know the sort, really painful and bloating - i went outside and let rip, oh the relif! , only to find a couple of the guests having a sneaky fag behind the hedge where i was standing! , they were bent double with silent laughter!

Mouse, I didn't know you had PM'd Ruby. I thought no one had told her Noteven had disappeared. If I had I wouldn't have posted yesterday.

Yes, I think your post drove her away. I don't think she needed to hear what you said at that particular moment although of course it was true.
I have said this before so I don't know why you're suggesting I haven't been open. I seem to remember other posters including Indie agreeing with me at the time.

Right, the line has been drawn under it.

I will not comment further.

Hello all, I do still read here, and I want to cause the minimum fuss that is possible which seems, just now, that I need to write for myself.

Don't worry. It'll be a month tomorrow, so it's 4 weeks and 2 days just now, and that's good. AA is amazing, but this thread, unfortunately, ceased to be a safe place for me - but for those where it is a safe place, keep using it!! If it helps your sobriety, then it is a wonderful thing!!! Think about that, not about me. Am very open to PMs but unfortunately I don't feel I am helpful in 'public' on a regular basis here.

My mum, for those who know, moves to the hospice today and I am there on a professional basis at times, so it isn't easy. I am so grateful to certain ladies, and MIFLAW, but I do have AA and I want this thread to go on being helpful, as principles are far more important than personalities, and I have no desire at all to be the elephant in the room.

Love to all, as always, and here to talk if anyone wants to! xx

Hello noteven, good to 'see' you!

I've only recently re-joined the bus but I remember you from when I first dragged my sorry self onto here. Congratulations on nearly one month!

Will be nice to know you are lurking around (I like to lurk a lot myself, it's good).

noteven Thank you for letting us know how you are. So sorry that your mum is to be in the hospice but hope that you will both find some peace there. I hope that the support you have in RL continues to help you.

Lovely to hear from you Noteven. So sorry to hear about your mum.

I have PM'd you.

Take care.

Time to clear the air...........

noteven - I have my own personal reasons for posting what I did to you the last day. Maybe I shouldn't have on that particular day, my emotions were running high and I just couldn't understand why you did not just simply STOP DRINKING to get your DD back.

I felt so sorry for her, that her mum didn't love her enough to do just that one little thing for her.

But I realise that it's not 'one little thing' when you are an alcoholic, it's one MASSIVE thing, to go without a drink to save yourself and your DD. I kind of get that now.

MIFLAW posted that he would've stepped over his crying DD, or words to that effect, to get to the pub. I understand that this beast, this awful 'illness' if you choose to call it that, takes over for YOU.

Not for me, for YOU. I guess I just couldn't understand that.

I still can't comprehend ever putting ANYTHING before Nemo or DD. But that's ME, in my shoes. Not you.

So, If I caused you upset, if I made you feel that you didn't belong here I'm truly sorry. I really am. I was just so unsure of your story because I could never put myself in your place. Some things didn't seem to be possible, but maybe that's because I have not been in your position.

There seemed to be so much drama with your posts and yet so much sadness too.

I guess I thought lots of things didn't add up. Maybe that was the style of your posts? Sort of bits and pieces of what you said was happening didn't make sense, so I couldn't connect, couldn't believe you because it was all so dramatic at the time. And too close to the bone for me.

It sounds as though you are in the right place for YOU now, that AA is the key you needed to unlock yourself from alcohol. I am really pleased that you posted.

I hope that your mum settles well too, that can't be easy for you to deal with either.

I feel compelled to reply to your post Noteven.
At the time of your last couple of posts, I was surprised initially by Mouse's response to you but I realised that the welfare of your daughter was an issue very close to her heart.
You didn't like what she posted so you dramatically retired from the thread which you are entitled to do but if you have been lurking as you say then you will be well aware that Mouse feels that she is being blamed, whether openly or by hints, for you leaving the thread. This was not the case, you left by choice.
I also take issue with the fact that you said that this thread is no longer a safe place for you, can you explain? Your life unfolded before us all like a soap opera and then when it looked like you were turning into the villain of the piece you disappeared into the night.
(formerly desiretochange)

Is it alright if I ignore the preceding posts and post here for the first time because if I wait for a more auspicious point in the thread I might not?

I'm sober at the moment. But I'm sober because I'm pregnant. And even that might not have been enough to do it, but a very handy side-effect of pregnancy, for me, is a total aversion to alcohol. So I can't stomach the idea, and when I've tried a sip of wine it's tasted like ethanol.

Being sober is what's given me the courage to post, actually; I didn't feel I could post if I didn't know that I wouldn't drink that evening. And on any given day, I didn't know that. Well, I guess I did know; I was pretty much always going to drink. Sometimes I would manage a night alcohol-free, but then I'd tell myself that it proved that I could drink responsibly, and drink the next night.

It's very telling what I miss, at the moment. I don't miss being able to have a small glass of wine at dinner. I miss drinking glass after glass of wine over an evening. I anticipated this pregnancy as the thing that would finally help me stop, because I knew I'd get the aversion (and temporary motivation) again, but I'm scared that I'll just go back to it as soon as it tastes good again. I'm very high functioning, and I mostly drink at home, but I know that if I continue, there'll be a point where the consequences catch up with me.

Shit, I meant this to be a really short post just to get me on the page! I never thought I'd type these things aloud. But, here I am, I hope i can learn enough in the next months to give me strength after the pregnancy.

Hey tortoise

Lovely to see you on here, I've seen you around MN lots.

Pick a seat and make yourself at home. I'm really pleased that you felt you could jump right in, that's the point of the Bus.

How long have you got left until baby arrives?

Tortoise, this is a great time to post; being pg and abstinent. If you bf, you will abstain for longer. My advice is that you read back over this whole series of threads. Focus on baby and congratualations!!!

PS - I'm normally just plain old Mouse

I too feel compelled to respond.

I'm sorry Noteven but as I said before, there are more holes in your story than a cats cradle - as Mouse said, maybe it was just your style of posting, but so many things you've said just don't add up or seem credible to me.

Mouse has been a tower of strength to so many on this thread and I will not stand by and say nothing, while she is made a scape goat for simply posting what she believes to be true - surely the whole point of being on here is that we can be HONEST about how we feel.

I hope you find the help you need in RL noteven.

Now then lets just draw a line under this whole thing.

Welcome aboard Tortoise - here's your ticket to a sober future xxx

tortoise please, please jump in!
I don't think I have said anything negative about mouse and if I have I would like to apologise for it - she is a strength to many here. I am an alcoholic that has gone far too far down the scale for some. That's ok. I can only be me, I can't change myself for anyone or my circumstances, and all I have revealed is true, I was perhaps guilty of revealing too much, but nothing was dishonest. I will continue to be here for anyone who you think is too bad or has lost too much for this thread.

I know you well, Mouseface, you are one of the Wise And Brilliant Relationships posters; I always want to point at your posts and say "yeah, what she said".

Loads of time to go; only 8 weeks at the moment - due at the end of November, so that's a lot of sobriety! Last time I was able to stomach alcohol again by about 25 weeks? I used to have a light beer on a weekend night and that was all, I don't think I wanted more.

Purple, I have to admit that last time around, I did drink and breastfeed. Not heavily, and especially when she was tiny I would be very careful and only have a glass of wine per night, at a time when I was reasonably confident that she wouldn't want to eat for a couple of hours, but I got lax about it later - I breastfed for almost 18 months, in the end. So I really hope that breastfeeding will help me stay on course, but it's not quite the perfect solution that pregnancy is!

Thanks for the welcome, all.