It is all over with DH

[glitterfairy]

THought I would start a new thread on this. I went to relate tonight and told DH I wanted a proper separation. He was also told by our counsellor that relate could no longer work with him until he had been on a course for abusive and violent men.

He reacted in kind by saying why didnt they recommend me to go anger management course and what about me owning up to my problems. In the end he left the session saying he would divorce me as soon as possible. At one point he said I should leave the house. When I said I would take the kids with me he said fine take them I pay the mortgage!

He has been a complete ass and frankly I need to move on. I feel strangely calm but know he will now exert financial control and his anger will be increased and directed at me. He cannot see that he has done anything wrong and still insists that when I called the police the other week because he attacked me I had lost perspective and control.

In the end I need to grieve for this relationship but move on.

GF - you are not unhinged. You have spoken about your situation in a very calm and logical manner. If anything he should be admitting he tries to unhinge you at every opportunity! You won't let him - things are on the way to getting better so you and your wonderful children stick with it

THank you. I saw him last night and he was being charming to everyone, then at the end got me on my own and was awful, writing everything I said down on his palm. He had refused to tell the kids if he was bringing her and my two eldest spent the day crying and fearful! He says he puts them first but I can see no evidence.

I know havent come in here and supported you and Im sorry for that, Im not even too sure why , Ive never experienced anything quite like this and Im not always the best at giving advice, but Ive got all sorts going on and its making me really get in touch with emotions.

As he is with his palmestry , I hope your writing it all down ; all the reams and reams of drivel and suffering he has put you through, all the manipulation and lack thereof of parental care. Its makes me spit feathers for you everytime I read it.

Oh Melsy thank you it is good to speak to speak to you. I am trying to be brave but every now and then feel awful and let down adn cannot believe what I saw in him. Am also really grieving, not for him as he is now, but the dream of what we should have had and our happy house. My ds worte to father Christmas the other day and said this:

"Dear Sanata
For Christmas all I want is a familie (a dad, Amum and my sisters. I want my dad and mum together and happy.
If you can make raindeers fly and go around the world in 24 hours you can do it."

I cried as I pulled it from the fire. I cannot forgive their pain ever.

oh gf i am so sorry for your pain at this time of year. your are an amazing woman with equally amazing children which are an absolute credit to you. dont let him get you down. your too good. hugs x

gf you are VERY 'hinged'! don't let anyone tell you otherwise, ever.
and as for the dream - well we all want that but sometimes it comes in a different shaped package and maybe for you and I the shape is 'mum and kids' we can still have the 'dream' family, even if it's not the one we planned

THanks ninah and gravity and everyone really you all are a tremendous help. Well now I had better go and put on some more make up before I meet him again at the kids christmas play.

this time of year is SUCH a headf when you're splitting up. Bet the children are stars though, concentrate on your pleasure in them if you can xx

mmmm... he must be reading this thread if he called you unhinged! Is that not what some MNetters call their ex´s... unhinged? ...as in separated, apart etc. Copycat whisperings perhaps.

Just catching up while ds stuffs his face with the good milky stuff.

Well if he is reading it he knows what people think of his behaviour Paps.

Hi GF. Don't mind if he does read what people think of him him - pathetic low down manipulative tosser. Maybe he will take notice of what people think of you too - an amazingly together, kind hearted, strong woman that is doing the absolute best for her family even while her heart is breaking.
He does not deserve someone as good as you and you never need to put up with someone as bad as him.
You can get through this difficult time of year with the love for & of your wonderful children

all I can say GF is "Happy New Year"

there are a lot of people I know at the mo who are wishing the New Year and a new start was here

Thank you both of you for that it always means a lot to know people support me and think I am ok.

hi glitterfairy - you keep strong. surround yourself with the important people at christmas. x

THanks for your CAT gravity I have sent you one back!

Hi glitterfairy, don't let him get you down. I don't care if he is reading this, he's an arse, and I bet everyone you know can see this without being told. I wouldn't worry about the way he acts up. Give people like him a bit of rope and they always end up hanging themself. You don't have to do a thing.

You have a lovely peaceful Christmas girl with no arguments, no bullying, no threats of violence. And then let 2006 be your year.

HI Anorak and thank you. My divorce petition was issued today thank god so now I can start the long process properly.

Once again I am being left dangling with regards to this weekend and access when he is not telling me or the kids what he is doing. It is really really cruel to the kids as it raises their stress levels without any remorse at all.

Have stopped contact until the solicitors sort it out as it is too stresful for me and the kids.

DH came here this morning I had fled with the kids and a friend was here letting out the dog. Apparently he made himself a cup of tea found out I had changed the locks and asked friend for new key told him not to tell me I need never know! He also said he was going to make sure that house was repossessed and I was made homeless!

I phoned him and told him not to threaten me and that he couldnt have a key!

He is a toad!

A toad?

Blimey glitterfairy that's extremely lenient under the circumstances! I'd be drowning in asterisks if I started using words to describe him.

Well I am taking a remedy at the moemtn to get rid of anger and make my hair grow back and although I am stressed to my eyeballs I am actually feeling pretty resourceful and creative.I also feel less and less angry as in the end he is the biggest loser he loses the love of a good woman, three kids, a great home and the smelliest dog in the UNiverse!

glitterfairy - you have hair loss too???? sorry to change direction of thread, does it just snap off???? i always had beautiful thick black hair (thank god it was thick or i would have none by now!!!)
this goes hand in hand with stress yeah?
any quick fixes?
dont go kissing toads..... just frogs
hope you have had a less hectic weekend and the kids are well x

Hiya gravity and yes it is coming out in massive clumps I have always had really thick hair. It is definately stress and only the end of that will start new growth. Also diet changes etc. I have seen a homeopath and have a remedy which seems to make me less anxious which is a start.

Weekend fine from kids point of view as I have stopped contact at present until solicitors sort it out. MY only problem was xh came round and got in yesterday but am cleansing the house of his presence!

throw a handful of salt out onto all entrances to the home
i had a reading sometime ago and he advised me to do this ater i had "unwelcome visitors" raid our home
as for hair - handfuls!!! we have cream carpet through the top story of our home - it is horrendous after i have just washed and blow dried my hair - black hair on cream carpet, it means vacuuming everyday so i can actually see the carpet ; i think i dont help though, i think it must be something like nail biting and it becomes a nervous/stress habit, i scratch my scalp - dont call me a weirdo!!! please!!! now i have regrowth hair under my fringe in the front section - eek!!!
is xh still allowed access to your home legally?

DOnt know am waiting for advice. Will try the salt! Oh dear for the hair I think your scalp itches more in any case whilst it falls out! Either that or its nits! Anyway I am waiting for any re growth as the bits falling out now are the re growth.