Very sad - most significant friends have ignored me for 10 years - not invited to big life events for them - no-one to invite to mine :(

[Missingfriendsandsad]

I have just realised, in a wave of nostalgia, that I am really missing friends I had at uni. Searching for their names found a load of photos of them at parties together - some 40ths, some weddings etc. I am gutted, really sad - they all seem to have kept in such good contact with other and totally excluded me - even though I really considered myself close to them in so many ways. It is even such that some of the people who weren't really in the main close circle around me, have been invited to these events - no one has searched me out, no one seems to even care - its like I died, but no-one noticed.

Its really sad because looking at the pictures of them I feel like I want to hug them all, I love them so much, but now, after thinking about it, I realise how stupid and wasted that love is because its obviously not reciprocated.

What is worse is that all the people from this groups that I had 'things' with are also missing - its as if we are a sad tainted jinxed version and it makes me really sad - some of my pals have had kids with each other and I didn't even know :( I feel so lost that I have been abandoned in this way and I really don't know what to do - I never thought people I would feel so strongly for could not feel the same for me but I know they don't. How do I deal with this?

Wildfig is very wise. A few years back I decided on a whim to go to visit the tiny village in Southern Italy I has been an au-pair in aged 19 and take the DC. A wise colleague @ work said to me - 'you do know, MrsG, you aren't going to that geographical location you've you've hardly thought about for 20 years, you're going to visit 19'. And he was absolutely right. No harm in contacting those people, I found old friends who are now current friends, because when we met up we have things in common NOW and like each other for who we are now - not expecting to do what we did then.

When I went back to the City where I was a student and walked down the street I used to live in, I felt dizzy and uncoordinated - as if the past and the present were colliding with each other. Really weird feeling. Yesterday I was hankering after the times when I desperately wanted to build a proper tree house and make plates out of leaves and stuff out of twigs - by the time I was old enough to do I wasn't interested. Halcyon days. But we all move on. OP - time to move on I think.

You're now looking at ex's house's on Google Earth?

Are you really that socially unaware that you even have to ask if it's ok?

Dittany, if this were a man, looking up ex's houses and wondering whether to go and have a look, wold you say the same?

Well Missing isn't exactly sounding in in the best of minds at the moment.

Because she's pretend Dittany.....

Anyone who believes this thread needs a bit of a reality check

I'm not attacking her, nor do I want it 'both ways'. I'm just saying its a wind up.

Agree with Dittany. OP, this hankering after uni friends relates to your dissatisfaction with your current life and feeling of unfufilled potential. I can relate, my uni friends have decent careers and see each other regularly in London, whilst my life is v different, partly due to mental health problems. But unless you learn to either accept your current circumstances or have a realistic plan to improve them you will continue to make yourself desperately unhappy.

Dittany: agreeing with the OP that everyone else is mean and cruel is not going to do her any good. People have repeatedly given her sound advice to seek professional help for her depression instead of whining and obsessing and all she does is whine some more.

what a weird thread

OP - please make an appointment with your GP as soon as you reasonably can, and tell him/her exactly what you've told us.

If, as many of us fear, you are depressed then your GP would be in the best position to help.

Do you have a partner or children? What do they think?

She's had no contact with them for years and her last contact with them appears to have consisted of her telling them how awful they were for not paying her enough attention.
It's unlikely that the fault for her state of mind rests with them.

Sadly I can believe this OP this is real. I've encountered a couple of ladies in my life who seem to be the same.
OP - its obvious you are unhappy with your life and how it has turned out. However, clinging onto memories of past friendships is not going to help you.
They were friends. They aren't now. This doesn't mean they think badly of you or look down on you just that things change. People move on. Life moves on. I think you should look at broadening your social circle with new people.

You sound very sad and very disappointed with yourself. But your obsession with how much money people do/don't have does not do you any favours. Most people have grown up and away from that sort of attitude. You sound kind of stuck at being a teenager. But you're not, you're an adult.

I agree you should visit your GP.

Stop looking backwards.

I am sad that some of you think that having really strong memories and wanting to visit places that meant a lot to you is weird. I don't want to kill anybody or hunt them down or anything - I just want to see them again whilst I still remember them and am fond of them - I have had some horrible years and was really happy when I knew the people I am talking about - I mean really, really happy, not just 'not bad' or 'enjoying myself' really fundamentally happy and contented - I know all was not perfect, but that's like saying I had the beach, the servants, the weather and the perfect lover, but I sometimes thought the bathing costume didn't suit me.

I am sad that some of the people I was really in love with, I didn't ever see their home, or some of the things we talked about as being significant to them and us, and I only feel like I am filling some gaps I always wanted to fill earlier in my life - is that really so bad or am I really becoming a weird stalker without really realising? Am I really perhaps having a massive breakdown? I have been without work for a while and have a lot of time to myself, but I really feel like I am getting my real self back, not adopting a new creepy self.. ?
Am I really the only one who feels whistful and emotional about past times when things were so wonderful? Am I so bad for feeling like this? :(

Do you not think that if you had such a significant relationship with them you might have seen their home?

Like at the end of a night out, dropping them off in a cab?

These people are.not.your.friends.

Missingfriendsandsad Fri 25-Mar-11 16:54:36
noooo I work in Reading too

hmm inconsistencies

Missing,

I don't think that you are strange. I think you are having major problems in your life now.
I think that your sadness isn't about the people you knew when you were 'yourself' about about the fact that you are not yourself anymore and that some many years have gone wheen you haven't done what yu wanted to do.

All that is normal! It's hard to get over that sort of things, especially on your own.

Please go and get some support (counselling is very good!).I have tried to get over things on my own and it is so much harder.

Good luck

write to them, text them, email them, fb them or bloody well move on and forget them

stop being a dramallama ffs!