Feel so hopeless - what should I do

[Holdmyhand]

I am really looking for some advice. My h has been h is having an affair, I found out 5 months ago. We agreed to try again. I tried. He kept in contact with her behind my back. We got on ok while 'trying' & physical relationship mostly ok. I recently found out he's still seeing her - he now says he loves her & not me but cares about me. We have 3 dcs under 8. I really dont want my relationship to end. When we don't talk about our relationship we get on really well. He said on Saturday that he will be moving out at some point to be with her but will always be there for me & kids.
We still had sex Saturday & Sunday but he did not want full intercourse. We still sleep in same bed.
I know he has been with her today.
I have been getting bad anxiety attacks about the future and what will happen and how I cope. Am on Ads. We are very short of money. Him moving out will have huge financial implications.
If he leaves I have to cope alone with 3 dcs, my job, the house etc etc I still love him - we have been together 23 years. I feel hopeless. My life has stopped.
I am not eating or sleeping. I can't even cry. I am in a daze. I spend all my time thinking about him. I have no strength to cope with this. I don't have any real friends & can't talk to my family.
Please be kind with your advice I feel very fragile.
What can I do to get through this?

what you have for him is love what he feel for this woman he thinks is love too.
REAL LOVE is when u take away the excitement, great sex, and add in, financial hardship, shittyness and general life crap, what u come out with despite the loss of the fun bits sometimes and the added weight of reality is REAL for better or worse LOVE.
he is deluded that what he feels for this woman is love and u are deluded that he feels love for u.
he dosent love either of u he is having his cake and eating it just because he can.
ur choice is stay and let him take the piss or move on and make ur life better.
ive been he and trust me, its shitter before it gets better , but man does it feel good to take control of ur life and make it happen for urself and ur kids, hell yeah!!!

chunky, despite your love of PeterAndre and the txtspeak you are very wise

why thankyou peter

while you're down there, luv

hmh.think of us as your fairy god mothers,we can grant you your wishes,
you wished to feel better
you wished to think straight
you wished for clarity
you wished you could parent well again

All of these things will occur if he leaves,and quickly.

Could you actually be with him now anyway?Watching his every move trying to be pretty and sexy at all times etc.never ever being able to relax again.

If you split up you only have one thing to deal with emotionally-getting over a marriage break up,if you stay as you are......well you fill in the gaps,you are torturing yourself and wasting your precious life.

Babe he has already left you,he just hasnt had the decency to take his stuff.Help him on his way.

peterandreforpm how very dare u HAHAHAH

lol @ chunkybum's txtspk I really want to love your posts, I do think they are spot on, but they are making my eyes go funny and my brain melt slightly

i am dyspraxic so i find it hard to make sentences make sence, sorry guys xx

I was like this for 6 months..after being told by my H that he was no longer in love with me..he was having an Emotional Affair with a woman at work.

I spent six months doing everything in my power to try and make him love me again..he spent 6 months humilating me by cultivating his relationship with his work colleague, lying that they were nothing more than friends. He had no intention of making the marriage work..I was a convenient "base" until the time was right to move.
I decided to help him on his way and instructed him to leave. its only been a couple of weeks, but I feel far happier than I did in the 6 months he was here.

Your H has checked out of your marriage..emotionally..he beleives he has found new love elsewhere but hes too damn coward to move out, so he has his mistress AND his wife falling over themselves while he calls the shots, continueing to act as a family man.

The man you fell in love with has gone..he has been replaced by a prize grade A A**e..

Allowing him to stay will bring you nothing but misery, he needs to leave asap.

Do not try to second guess what he is thinking..its not worth it..he has betrayed you and is essentially asking you to consent to an open relationship, in which you give him your all and he rewards you with nothing but emotional rejection.
You deserve to be loved and cherished

You are worth so much more x

we are gently teasing you, but txtspeak isn't really used on MN

you may find you get a harder drubbing on other threads than from us pussycats

you made perfect sense, btw

last post was to chunkybum

< waves to ML >

seriously guys, no hard feelings, ive only been on here for a day, i need to get accustomed to whats ok and not!
cheers for the tips though.

I've said that too, he definitely doesn't love either of you (not in the way you want anyway) like i've said before you dont treat people this way who you truly love..he is cruel, selfish and a pathetic excuse for a man. Imagine if it was your daughter in the same situation, i'm sure you wouldn't expect her to let herself get treated this way. Its so bloody hard because you love him so much, i totally understand....i've been there! But it's not like he's begging you for forgiveness and asking for another chance, he has told you straight he wants to be with someone else (even though it wont last) you really need to get him leave asap...whether or not he can find a place or not....not your problem...he's made his bed and all that, do it for the sake of your kids, things will get get worse if you continue to have him there because you will fall deeper and deeper into despair, you say your already on Anti Ds? you need to be strong and 'with it' for your kids otherwise he will run you into the ground i'm afraid. :( xxx

peter are u a man?? just curious??? sorry if thats rude to ask.

there ya go, chunks

now, paragraphs and a double spacing between and Fanny is your aunt !

you can ask anything you like

but I may decide not to answer it

so are you a man PeterAndreforPM?
bobs your uncle and fannys your aunt!!!

She's a mysterious girl

(except I think that's been done on solost's thread already... But then if chunkybum's only been here a day, might get away with it and be thought of as highly original...)

Really need to go to bed!

'chunks' your mocking me aren't you????
lol, im such a bimbo sometimes, lol.
Im called chunkybum because thats what i call my baby, as she wears cloth nappies and has a huge chunky bum in them (its really cute though)!
Im not suggesting in anyway that i have a sizable arse!!

< wishes this was a chat thread so I could inappropriately tease chunky some more >

chunky, I am a 45 yo mother of 2

with a liking for ironic names and a hatred for cruel and abusive men

chunkybum,i didnt even notice your text speak tbh which may mean i do it too,i do in fact also have a chunky bum.

suff, I just couldn't do it

not on this thread

sorry to let you down..

peter u are brilliant!!! lol
actually you have made me smile and laugh more than i have in ages, im so glad i joined this website today!!!