DH having meal & drink with ex mistress

[MrsMiggins]

Just shouting at MN cos need to vent my anger & despair....
DH away in hotel overnight (works 2 1/2 hrs from home)
ex-mistress also works for same company and is staying in same hotel tonight

He at least now tells me when she is staying too so at least hes finally being honest BUT how would you feel?

I told him that really he shoudl say to her "I dont want to socialise with you cos it distresses my wife & she is the most important person to me not you."
However, if he upsets her she may make things awkward at work, and we (he) has decided that he staying at work.

he wont leave....he keeps saying fed up with me accusing / my attitude vut is sitting downstairs drinking beer as we speak.
he hasnt a clue

tomorrow he is out all day at the footabll followed by a fireworks party at ours....I made the guy, gathered the bonefire & bought the fireworks, and will no doubt cook the soup & chilli....

I am a mug

to be honest, I believe they arent sleeping together anymore but as far as Im concerned ANY contact outside work is wrong....but he doesnt see that

MrsM, if I were you I would use the fireworks tomorrow to make a very public statement.

I would craft a new guy in your arseH's likeness and make a short but heartfelt speech in front of your friends, to say that as much as your love the person you thought you were married to, sadly this person has morphed into a complete arsehole and as such you have no choice but to consign him to the flames!

I bet there will be a few cheers

'to be honest, I believe they arent sleeping together anymore '

sure, b/c that's what you want to believe.

he won't and NEVER will see it.

people who love you don't treat you this way. not ever.

MrsM - as for their not sleeping together - I really do fear that you are deluding yourself, I really do!

Expat is right - this is not love - this is as far from love as it is possible to get

This is abuse, nastiness, disrespect, I could go on, but I am sure you get the picture.

Sweetheart, don't let him do this to you - please don't

I am sorry i have to agree with the others, they have slept together before these 2 people have had an affair, they still have dinner and drinks together and stay in the same hotel, do you really believe this is all they are doing?

Message withdrawn

I think that you 2 are both right....and I would never have thought DH capable of treating me like this....

I need to forward wind to 20 yrs and have my 2 children tell me that the right thing is to tell him to leave

also I have seen what part time dad does to a friend of mine - she is miserable every other weekend and every other year when she spends Christmas without her kids - I dont want that

Right on, soapbox. I'd throw his clothes on the pyre, too.

'Fire marks the start of a new beginnings, new life and the death of the old. No better time to announce that, on Monday, I'm applying to divorce [insert spouse's name] on grounds of adultery. Tonight, I raise my glass to my new life w/o a lying cheater who has no respect for the family we created together.'

Message withdrawn

You deserve so much better than this, i think you need some time on your own away from him to try and look at the whole picture here, dont carry on doing all this stuff for him while he is swaning around with his fancy women from hotel to hotel, do something for yourself.

I agree, rickman. Your brother and family might surprise you with their support.

he is going to the football with my brother & dad tomorrow....and they are coming to bonfire afterwards
my parents know

next weekend he is away from Sat to Tues abroad - team biulding although I KNOW it is only 4 of them and not HER....even so nice jolly for him

MrsM, you do realise that you're already living as a single mum most of the time, yeah?

I really do hope you find the happiness you deserve you sound like a very nice women who just wants to be loved. Goodluck for the future in whatever you decided, be strong

his family will blame me though and we will have a miserable hrismtas
I feel it is all my fault even though if I was advising a girlfriend I could see it wasnt

I feel like scooping up the kids and running away from everything

expat - I tell people that Im a single mum during the week - which I am - he gets himself reeady in the morning....3 days a week I have to get myself & 2 kids ready for nursery/work
I feed & bath every night by myself
in fact when hes away its easier cos I eat with the kids

I jhust dont want to lose them every other weekend

So what if they blame you? YOU didn't cheat on him! If they blame you, they're just as low as he is.

I can't imagine an Xmas more miserable than trying to cover up my bleeding heart and LIE about how I feel b/c someone abused me.

But only YOU can do that to yourself.

You can't change what you don't acknowledge.

As for running away, why? HE certainly feels comfy enough. Why should YOU have to give up what little you have?

I just never thought Id vbe in this situation - thats not being smug....maybe some people dont show their true colours

been out with some horrible men b4 DH - thought he was the one

turned out not much better

Well - who cares what his family thinks! You know that it is his fault!

I think you need to seriously think about whether this relationship is working for YOU.

We can all see that DH is lapping up the clamouring of all his females for his attention - but what about you?????

He has fcked up big time and he is not doing anything to try and repair the situation, why the fck should you????

Message withdrawn

thanks for all your advice
going to sleep on it and maybe talk to my mum tomorrow while they're all at football

Well, it happens. That doesn't make you a bad person, though, or mean that you are condemned to a lifetime of misery.

If you haven't gotten counselling, I highly recommend it. B/c if you've gone out w/men who continually mistreat you, it's vital to get some help w/your self-esteem.

rickamn - I agree - it is pissing me off too but when we start talking, I end up crying and he ends up telling me hes fed up