You wait, don't you, for the man to make the first move?

[IngridBergmann]

If there is a first move going to be made, that is...!

And I really don't know. how do you know? No obvious moves have been made at all.

It feels like we are very close friends and we always laugh a lot and talk a lot, but then, this is someone who has a multitude of friends and family and is very socially easy going.

He could be like this with everyone. I don't know if he is just being friendly, or actually does like me but is really, really shy of doing anything about it.

We always hug when we say goodbye and there is a kiss on the cheek but nothing else yet and it's been a few weeks.

He did offer to lend me his spirit level and so I asked if he had a big one, then we both laughed and he said 'Oh yes, enORmous!'

See I could have just kissed him right then and there but I was too scared. If he was shocked it would be awful so I couldn't risk it.

What do you DO? Do you just wait? I think I might go mad. But I will be sensible.

He's just being friendly, isn't he.

any update Ingrid????

Have you snogged yet????

I just luuurrrrvvveeee happy endings.

Nawww, not yet, but give me a few more days

Ingrid you do realise that when it happens you will "hear" us all cheering you on, don't you. Hope we dont all put you off!!!

He he he
I shan't feel alone with him at all after this

But it's nice, I think I need it...and the thread HAS helped and IS helping. It's not stopping me doing anything...I sent that text the other night after Dutch courage from some posts on here, and it seems to have been a catalyst because he's been much more confident since then, I think.

He knows I really, really like him and that means he can be himself a bit more.

I don't think I can cope with this. Saw him for two seconds this morning and he said was I coming for coffee (with everyone else) but I couldn't as ds needed to go to pre school. So I said I can't but you can come round to mine if you like.
He had to make a snap decision and he said he'll call me later as he usually goes to the thing with the others.
I guess he is showing commitment and being a good friend to everyone else but I am feeling decidedly like crying.

Not sure what later means either, might not see him all day. It's his day off/work from home day so I just don't know but I've to stay in all day as agents are coming round.
Gahhhhhhhh
I'm probably being hugely oversensitive aren't I.

Just glanced up at OP and realised I've been buggering about on this thread for nearly two weeks...I'm sorry I didn't realise it had been that long.

it's a lovely thread - I've been following it from the start -

(( hope that's ok - not normally into voyeurism. ha ha ))

Stop being so sensitive!!! You will get yourself into a state that will help nobody.. He might well pop in later.

And if your agents come soon why don't you engineer something? But will you please, please, start thinking about suggesting something that you do together alone.. Even if it's asking him to help you lug stuff home from IKEA !!!!!!

Hi Ingrid. Just read this thread. I think I love you a little bit.

Right.

I'm starting to worry a little bit. You have told him, clearly that you like him, and he's still poncing about and you are wanting to cry and...No. Enough.

Oh dear. Well I said come for coffee and he wouldn't. So I just felt but I know it was stupid.

He said he'll call. It could be any time. He'll be home by now, I only have another hour before ds2 is home so no time this morning. I don't think he wants to be alone with me.

I've just realised why I'm so tearful and it's because of the anniversary of losing my best friend, I think, have been taking it out on a cupboard with some nitromors and feel slightly better now.

He has a hormonal, sobbing mess for an almost girlfriend ! Lucky, lucky man

Shirley what do I Doooooooo???!
Carmina you are most welcome, join in!

Actually if you love me, Shirley, maybe I could be your girlfriend instead? That would be sorted you see.
It's the not sortedness I can't stand.

I want him in the house, doing something manly while I cook his supper. That's what I want - all done and dusted.

Ingrid.. Why don't you mention next time you get to chat that you're a wee bit sad at the moment because of your friend's anniversary?

It could be a signal to him that you feel close enough to him to talk about something more than DIY and also a chance for you to see how he responds to you emotionally..

Yes.

There you are, you asked me and I said yes. Now, come round here and sort out my leaky tap.

I'm sorry about your friend.

I think I agree with that Manatee one.

Thankyou both Yes Manatee is right about everything.

Mamsnet that is an idea, though I don't want to play the 'I'm upset, look after me' card iykwim! It might be too much for him.

I'll be Ok and I'll rally in a bit and get cheerful again..just having a maudlin hour!

you are proper darlings, the lot of you x

I know what you mean, Ingrid.. But you might very well tell a good friend, and if he is to be boyfriend material he should be a very good friend..

It's ok, you are allowed to have a whole maudlin DAY if you want.

You do know you are lovely and clever and a proper darling yourself, don't you?

Well, if I hadn't made moves with DH we'd still be bloody tiptoeing around each other now, and we've been together 12 years, married 7 on Sun.

When we met I sidled up to him on the dance floor, whispered "you're gorgeous" into his ear and ran away. I was VERY drunk.

Took 2 more years to get together, mind, but we were living about 500 miles apart. I asked if I could stay with him when visiting London for work/study - nothing flaming happened, so I sent a valentines card and that finally did the trick. Still had to ask him to marry me, though...

It's a combination of impatient woman and slightly shy man...

Oh, and I am sorry about your friend. Anniversaries are hard.

Is it really a year? .
I'm so sorry .

Thanks.. have been for a walk to get ds, but went the long way past his house, no sign, not that I was staring at the windows or anything, honest. I just found somewhere grassy to sit and had a it of a cry and walked up and down the other road as I was really early for pre school.

It's funny, doesn't feel like a year and why should it be upsetting, just because of a day - but I think the way the light is and the warmth and so on is very reminiscent iyswim.

Good point that I'd tell a good friend - so I might if he calls later. He hasn't yet, but thankyou so much for being here for me.

I like your story Saucepan

Any news?

Hmm, well, not as such...but I have been doing some research, not knowing either him or his ex very well. Someone mentioned that he might still be resistant to moving on...their relationship without going into too much detail is quite entwined, though they have been apart a long time, so perhaps there's more to this than I thought.

I mean, he made it very clear that it was all in the past, but from what people say that's quite a recent development. I don't know if he is just rebounding iyswim. In which case I'm not really onto a winner.

It's not fair to write about him too much, but anyway, he did call and wanted to ask me for the number of someone who's doing some work for me. He said everyone was going to the park so we went along and it was nice but not intimate at all, we barely spoke really.

There was a half hug at the end. He spent half the time on the phone to MY person who's doing the work for me, arranging to meet him AT MY HOUSE next week when he's here doing the job

What's that about? I know he wants a similar job doing but he was here when I got the quote, and came and stood there with me, whether he was being all territorial I don't know, maybe just more interested in him than in me

It was all going so well yesterday. And I tried to tell him about my friend, and he was listening but then his phone rang so he buggered off to talk to someone else. Oh well.

Just a thought, but why not invite him and the kids round for dinner one night? The kids can go off and play, he wont feel too pressured with one on one time yet, but you can have a chance for bigger conversations, a broader range of subjects, and the plus of him seeing just how darn well you get on as the Brady Bunch

That's a nice idea, but they were all here the other night and it was really nice...I've said we might do something tomorrow but he wasn't going to commit to anything.

Thinking about it the signals are seeming like he just isn't very interested. Maybe he is still in love with his ex. She is great - I couldn't blame him! I think I need to step way back now or I can see myself getting really hurt, and of course it would all be my fault for chasing him so hard. He didn't ask me to fall in love with him.

Thanks again for your help on this and I'm sorry it isn't a happier update. I don't know - just feel confused and depressed tonight. There is someone in the picture and I didn't realise how much, how recently or any of that, not that I know anything much now, but there's definitely more to it than I knew.

Oh I'm sorry to hear today didn't go too well - it's hard isn't it when we build up expectations and play out wonderful scenarios in our head - only to find the object of our desire would rather talk to a builder