Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.3

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Thanks guys

My dd is like that Patience and it does my head in. Actually I think I am going to talk to her later and start it on the hook of asking if they are speaking now. Perhaps a third party may be good I will give it a go first and offer that to her as an option. Sometimes in my less charitable moments I think she is just awkward her moods etc are her and nothing to do with xh me or ow . I think I need to get her to see that its in her own interest to be as easygoing etc as possible when she is there so she is happier rather than be good for Daddy type thing.

Anyway I am back to brunette

Tea I dont do diets as I really think they are counter productive ! I just need to stop guzzling so much wine and stop stuffing chocolate and snacks every single night on top of proper meals. Whats stupid is I really cant afford to fund this greed either so today I will draw a line.

At least on a positive note I have stopped smoking, quite odd because I just ran out about 10 days ago and havent felt the urge to buy anymore rather than giving up as a decision iyswim? Just as well as there are no secret hidey holes at the new house to slope off to for a cig !

Now Elsie wouldnt a Dumpling Island in RL be brilliant ? Somewhere to retreat to with counselling,pampering and lots of dumplings to talk to who understand and can be supportive. Perhaps we could persuade Sir Richard to donate Necker Island

Yes yes, Necker Island! I wonder what it's like.

Another lovely day.

mmm, it's always warm and sunny on dumpling island and none of the men have saggy scrotums (sorry, Tea)...
I am very cross because someone has just nicked my lawnmower cable. Cut the grass at the front, popped back in for a cuppa then went to tidy up and it had disappeared! Grrr.
Consoled myself with a family size packet of crisps and 5 Belgian chocolate truffles. You're not the only piggy, Getting. Oink.

Waves from overseas.

Not Necker Island exactly but away on business darlings.

Back soon.

Finding keeping up with thread hard atm.

No time to comment on much but....

Rightly or wrongly in the end I have left my two to it Getting. DS2 has no interest in visiting XH in new house or in meeting OW. Loves dad but I don't the idea of going 200 miles for the pleasure is appealing right now. In the end have realised that it is none of my business and that anything I do will probably make it worse so I just stay out of it. But mine are a little older I know. Am a specialist in DS problems but not terrribly successful and would rather not be a specialist!

Welcome back Patience.

Sorry to hear things not so good MumFun. Will be in touch soon.

Hello Happy, how lovely being away from it all overseas.

Thats it getting, laid back is good and all part of our serenity training to lead by example as much as we can.I think teen dds can channel their anger at mums anyway whatever is going on,but good to also know she isn't holding onto pain.

I am truly cheap to run!

One small beer and now traveling home

Waves to all

A tad off 6 months down the line and I am dwelling on the whole awful ditching. But, I have heard that at 6 months it can hit you a bit hard.

Not feeling like I want him back, but keep thinking about all the deceit and horrible things and all the stuff that was done and said when I didn't know what was going on with OW...and I keep thinking ( with hindsight) ahh he was texting her then, he was thinking about her when we did that or when he said something.

Had to book time off work this afternoon to go to parents evening, had to explain to the teachers why I am not managing to read dd3 book every week (I read with them every night, just don't always remember the 'reading' book) or why (on the odd occasion) she has not done her spellings or dd2 done her homework.

(I realise how bad this sounds, its just I have started my longer hours as well and we are adjusting to a new routine!!!)

Teachers were great, felt quite emotional as I have been going to parents evenings for 15years at the same school - and had to tell them I was a lone parent now. Then I get home to find a letter asking why they had been late for school a couple of mornings

...well, I've had to move further from school, I don't have a car and I have to get myself ready for work at the same time as doing breakfast / packed lunches / getting the girls ready!!!

So felt a bit of a shit mother - made worse when they came back from their 1 evening in the week with him and OW and SHE had read their books with them! I was enraged, totally irrationally I know...but they just take the bloody good times while I deal with the crap. Why couldn't HE read with them? (didn't show I was annoyed to the girls when they told me)

So pissed off at the pair of them playing at parents one evening a week and every other Saturday. He's an irresponsible shit, son he never saw, step daughter he treated so badly they didn't speak for 2 years and now dd's he can choose just see for a few hours because he "wanted life to be like it was before he had the dc's"

The quandry is - I don't want him to have the girls any more than that!!! I want them with me! But I hate that he can just make the choice to walk away.

Hope my mood gets better - and it's a 6 month blip. Don't know whay I feel llike this, I have my wonderful girls, a nice NM, new job, more disposable income than I had when we were a couple, complete control over my life and no one to answer to or clean up after.

Sorry ur feeling this way Kate ,it is just a blip and you do have to feel it to process it .We didnt plan any of this for our dcs and I just feel the least X could do is respect the job I am doing .
I think what gets me is the depths they will plunge to and how 2yrs ago I would have said NONE of this would have happened ,espec making gf priority over his dcs.But you know what we roll with things we get into a routine (starting is a def nite b4 packed lunch maker)Have uniforms ready ,im a bit of a iron on the morning kinda gal but I know my mornings are calmer if its all laid out the nite b4.I tend to combine reading book / bedtime story but I understand some kids are too whacked at 8pm.Used to read library books but that was really a winter thing .I just organise the priorities and tell people my home situation ie IM TRYING MY BEST, MY X IS AN ARSEHOLE.I am late everyday approx 9.05am.We rock up on bikes ,me running and terrier leading the way.
Big hugs x

Kate, I totally get what you mean. I feel just like this. XP doesn't deserve to have ds but ds (and your dd's) deserve to have a father. Just a shame I managed to pick a lying, cheating, selfish scrounger. It stinks.

I hate exbf. Put a lovely quote on fb from Mother Theresa, which says: We cannot do great things; we can only do small things with great love and he's written "Except we can. Small things can be great!!"
Er, yeah, that's what she's saying! Small things can be great if they are done with love! Doh! He's just pissed off cos I wouldn't join his "professional network". Get a life mate.

Rant over x
ps felt like replying - well, you would think small things are great eh? And as you don't know anything about love, you don't understand the quote, you wanker.
But I didn't

Its detatchment again isnt it.Dont even go there about what they r doing .The Disney dads can do odd bits here and there but it aint RL is it ?Everyday u are giving your girls the stability they need.

I ended up in the middle of a roundabout blocking 2lanes today ,6pm and one lane was longer than usual and the wrong light turned green and 2lanes all missed there turn cos i was blocking the way.One guy just honked his horn the whole time .I just looked at him and said its a red light you twat.Then I drove off and left him sat at another red light ,LMFAO !

Made mental note to buy new dark glasses .

Can u block him GGM ,how can he look at ur fb.
Have u got Mother Theresas prayer.

I SHOULD delete him - argghhh!
This is the quote. I think it's so beautiful:

We can do no great things;
only small things with great love.

This is what we are all doing. Small things with great love. The Disney dads aren't...
Kate - this too shall pass. I can't believe how well you're doing. 6 months after my initial separation I was still in a complete fog x

prayer

Cant believe he was trying to argue with Mother Theresa ......

Lol...I can!

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

        If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

        If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

       If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

        What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

        If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

        The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

     Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

     In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.

Thank you Patience. This is wonderful x

Yes hear ,hear Kate ur one strong lady !!!!
The foundations are well in place now ,you just need some tweaking for homework and such.
I endeavour to be on time every day of summer term til hols ,but if not I will try again in August x

Kate, sorry you are feeling a bit crap atm. Tbh I can't see the logic in any school sending out a letter saying WHY were dd's late . I mean wft who plans to be late! I could understand with continued lateness that you might get a letter saying look could you aim to arrive earlier etc. Anyway laughed at Patience's description of rocking up 5mins late everyday & found self nodding saying yes me too . I consider myself early when they're their a few mins before hand . I always aim to be about 10mins early but I'd say you could count on both hands the number of times I've actually achieved that so give yourself a big break, you're doing fab! To make things easier though I always have uniforms laid out at end of bed, lunches made & in school bags, school bags ready by door etc. As for the reading, as you said you've a lot on your plate atm & tbh sometimes we just have to prioritise. Anyway as I said give yourself a break you are doing fantastic, I used to beat myself up if I was late for school but now tbh I just say to myself f**k it you are doing fantastic Starting to be getting them there everyday & doing 100% of parenting solo. As you said yourself your xp plays happy families but that's all it is & dc's will know quite well that it is Mum & only mum that is proper parent to them. Well done & 6mt blip will pass before you know it.

Happy, happy travels

ET, nicking a lawnmower WTF, I mean WHY ?????????? How bloody irritating!!

Patience, if you recall my ds had a fall last year & dislodged his two front teeth. Dr had said they may or may not reset or could turn black due to nerves dying but thankfully they've stayed white & wobbly lol

Getting, having lived with xh doing every conceivable diet/fad/excercise regime etc to lose weight & invarible put it all back on & also having a close friend who has done the same as long as I know her. I am also of the firm opinion that diets don't really work in the long run, great for a kick start but who would want to live without choc/cakes/wine etc!!! Anyway, when I was reading some of the stories on The Secret website (www.thesecret.com - click into the section at top of page called "living the secret" then go into read stories in health section). I was fascinated to read so many stories of people losing weight. Might be worth a read & of course if it worked the benefits would be that you could continue on your nightly diet of choc & wine

Had usual Thursday night phone call from ex (when OW is out - she must do something on Thursday evenings)

Asking why I hadn't told him about Parents evening because he gets the school newsletter with it on and I'm not his secretary and I wouldn't have gone with him anyway...he would have to make his own appointment he actually replied "well, I don't really read the newsletter"

Did I know that the shed at the family home had been broken into? no, as the neighbours know that you have changed the locks so I couldn't get in anyway ...oh yeah, he says.

and about another 15 mins of "oh, what else did I need to talk to you about blah blah blah"

I did ask him why he dumped a bag full of cards that we had exchanged over the past 13 year at my house. Including ones I had sent him...topped of with a photo of us together. Oh, he didn't realise and he was SO SORRY his actions had upset me.

FFS - I told him not to worry, he hadn't upset me at all. Just meant I had another bin bag to take to the tip.

When he's on the phone and she's not there - he is so quiet like he's waiting to tell me something...can't work out if he's waiting to say he's sorry (doubtful) or they are getting married. I'm just businesslike with him.

Oh I just love the Mother Theresa Prayer, thanks guys . I'm going to print that out & stick it up on my fridge, it's really so so true & wise.

Also love the quote you posted Goo & really don't want to demean the beauty of the quote but was thinking that a good response to exbf would be "well of course you would think small things are great, women always lie to less endowed men on that one"

Goo, of course in reality Dumplings only post here & in RL NEVER respond to twuntery! Detach, ignore, block him from your fb wall & rise above

Starting - that's just what I was thinking of replying! But I didn't - remained detached and messaged my mate to reply to his comment that it was a load of bollocks
Kate - he's living up to his nickname eh? You are doing really well you know. I have only recently realised I have to get oldest one to read his reading books religiously every night - he has now gone up a level because we have got through the books! Also, paid dinner money (or what I thought was right amount of dinner money) by cheque on Tuesday, got a very snotty letter back saying it wasn't enough and could I pay more please and to remember that the secretary is VERY busy. And I'm a bloody teacher, so I feel even more scummy, cos I should be well up on all these fecking things.
Oh and older son punched younger one full in the face last night and gave him massive nosebleed...because he was dancing.
Beam me up. We're all in the same boat!

Oh & forgot to mention I got a text from xh saying "when could he see the dc's & if there was anymore problems he would go back to court to get access resoloved". I actually laughed when I read it, bare in mind this is the man who was too sick last w'end to contact his own sick dc's or to let me know he was sick & wouldn't be taking dc's, the same man that screamed down the phone at me on the very day he sent me flowers for being such a great mother!!! . I just text back "Don't be such an arse, you can see dc's whenever you want as always". No response . Ball firmly back in your court D'XH you should know by now I'm well beyond engaging with your madness lol............