Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.3

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

And an afternoon of passion with him in a wood next to a field, to the soundtrack of a combine harvester...sigh...

:) at the Wanton Hussies. I'll join the club, met POF man on a Wednesday (and this is not me copying a Craig David song) and next time I saw him I was like an pheremoned charged crazy lady. He didn't stand a chance.

And bless him - he was trying to be a gent.

Rom, glad to hear you equally had a positive experience . I think it can actually be quiet theraputic & healing if you pick the right person. Not too long after the above I did become involved with a different friend of mine (who was christened on here as Puppy). It lasted a few months & was v positive & healing. I was v honest with him from the beginning to make sure I didn't end up hurting him. While the whole thing was v positive & the sex was great I ended it because I felt it wouldn't be fair to continue long term when I knew for me it wasn't going anywhere but I knew he was falling for me.

Patience, I think it's great when you reach that stage of healing. I too recently gave xh back lots of stuff that I knew he'd like. Today it was his b'day so I bought him nice presents from dc's & got a cake & candles & party stuff for the dc's to have a party in his house. He rang to say thanks after dc's were gone & we ended up talking for half an hr on phone. He's ringing me quite a bit atm for advice & it ends up turning into a chat. I'm allowing it atm as it doesn't interfere with me but I'm keeping my boundaries firmly in place & make sure to end call after a certain length of time. I am able to be friendly with him now because the marriage is over & I've forgiven him. Equally I want to set a good example for my dc's & I know co-parenting will work best this way. Saying all of that I know xh could revert back to old behaviour in the blink of an eye but he know's I won't accept crap & that it'll be his loss.

Hi all

Tea - you were so brave and glad you treated yourself! He is the one who has lost out!

Glad the Glasgie meet went well - would have loved it!

Starting and all others -loving the hussy stories!

Kate - your x and ow are sad - just sad!

Sov -sorry I dont live nearer and hope you have marshalled some support and can recover soon

Getting -yes the week has been bad. Some of it due to realising more child difficulties than I did before, part as H supported less and I was very sad about that, part due to stuff coming home to me that hadnt before,part due to tiredness and bad PMT, part due to huge anger resurfacing . Its nothing major like others have - but has stopped my serenity in its tracks. Really struggled with kids and that felt bad - and felt very alone.

Hope youve had a good time wth your mum -and yes lol at Bob Builder -we've just left that phase and yes kids are much easier with older rellies round then.

Goo, x post. Glad you've equally enjoyed the delights of being a wanton hussy . Actually I've no problem being a wanton hussy, just shows me how far I've come. And that leads me to another story..............on my forth date with Norm I decided fu*k it you only live once & turned up wearing a red knee length Mac coat with black high heeled knee boots & sexy black & red lingerie. Now Norm is a v straight laced old fashioned gent. When I arrived for date at his house he asked me politely if he could take my coat, he nearly passed out with shock when I handed it over . We didn't make it out that night.........

Kate, glad you're also enjoying the delights of wantonhood.

Mumfun, sorry to hear you're still struggling ((Hugs)). Hope this week will go better for you.

Mf I am trying agnus castus atm for pmt will let u know how I get on.
I agree starting,X was in a calm phase today if this continues great ,last week was angry victim,so next week could be arrogant narc.
Main thing is he knows I am zero tolerant to bullshit.I think he enjoys the no agro X wife though and will work to maintain that.we co parented today woo hoo ! I made him a Bacon roll but only cos he was here at lunch and he had built a trampoline.just like I would do for anyone.I'm only looking for civilised respectful behaviour maybe now I have accepted the split he will be capable of giving it.

Aw, love the hussy stories and although I've had a lovely evening with pc plod I won't be repeating it. He didn't do it for me and I'm just not ready to date yet.
Tea, come over here and hold my hand. It's good to be single. Where's Sov?

I get terrible PMT; Evening Primrose Oil and Vitamin B6 are my saviours Mumfun ((Hugs))

Tea that's what I thought yesterday,look at me co parenting like tea and cakes.I NEVER thought I would get to that place with my X .indifference rocks .didn't need to talk about his mess of a life or ow cos its nothing to do with me anymore.

hey everyone
thanks so much for the messages it means so much
I had a good sleep (dosed on painkillers) and decided to just watch films for the day with DC and forget about the mess
Didnt call X tg and have just plodded on, have appointment for docs today so will see what they say but am just doing my usual of just getting on with it
think saturday was just a bad day for me, i dont get help from anyone but i'm always the first to give it was just hoping that someone would step up and help me but hey ho thats life, i'll survive
internets off again for some unknown reason grr so not sure when i'll be on something about sending someone out
thanks again everyone and take care

Glad you feel a bit better today Tea. Sorry that life is hard for you too, Mumfun.

I had a terrible nights sleep and have been very tearful today. I'm so fed up with having this situation forced on me, even though it was probably for the best. But I hate this long, slow recovery. It's a hard slog at times. XP is being obstructive in little ways like refusing to discuss money, telling me how hard life is for him and making snidey remarks. I feel like he is trying to bring me down.

Also, the policeman reminded me that I used to know another policeman years ago who would be about the same age as him now. I almost asked him if he knew him but something stopped me. I couldn't think why I couldn't ask. Then, in the middle of the night I remembered that he assaulted me and I relived the whole horrible episode for the first time since it happened more than 25 years ago. Isn't it weird, the tricks your mind plays on you?

Yes Elsie I dreamt last nite that everyone on this thread was PM ing each other and calling me a C**T.I thought that's not really cricket chaps .
Then I woke up all confused with dd at my bed saying I m going to be sick mummy,honk ,all over me and my bed.with me saying and pointing bathroom ,bathroom ,bathroom.
So another big wash day .
Waves to Sov glad u got some sleep.good luck at the docs x

But my head didn't fall off in the dream or my eyes didn't fall out so I think that's progress.
Elsie hope ur ok re assault.its true we can lock this stuff in very deep and something can be a trigger for it to surface,how is Wallace btw ?

Ooo horrid dream Patience. Elsie that's really horrid having that flash back and the trouble sleeping. Hope you're ok.

I keep having flash backs to how the man looked at me yesterday, like he was disgusted at the thought of it. Then all the feelings come flooding back on how crap he made me feel with purely tone of voice and the look he gave me. As well as the brush off. Gah! Seems so minor compared to what you went through Elsie all that time ago though and some of the other dreadful stuff on this thread that people have to walk through. It's just my flaming ego

Tea You are a bombshell! A gorgeous looking lady -Don't feel bad, we can't control what people do, say or act but we can control our reaction to it!

Hold your head high - and keep your ego intact. He's the one who has lost out, not you!

Sov, you sound so much brighter thank goodness. What did the doc say?

Patience, hope dd is ok now. How did people cope before washing machines? Wallace is lovely apart from landing me with a garage bill for £400 for 2 new seatbelts . Glad you kept your head.

Now Tea, think about this logically. Did he say he was digusted? No. Can a look of shock or embarrassment be confused with a look of disgust? Certainly. Why are you telling yourself he was disgusted? Why aren't you telling yourself he might have been very taken aback, confused and unsure how to respond? Since when did you become a mind reader, my girl?! You are projecting some of your understandable insecurities on him. You are NOT disgusting. Please don't ever think that. And it is not a minor thing as you say. All of us here have suffered the biggest knock back ever when we were duped and betrayed by our Xs. For every one of us, rebuilding our self worth is probably the most important thing we will ever do.

I have been quite affected by this date thing. The recollection of the assault is just a very unpleasant memory. But I'm more concerned that I have spent some time thinking that, one day, dating would be a nice pastime. Now I've done it and it didn't work I think, well I won't bother pursuing that again, it was a let down. It's like one more thing that I can't look forward to. I look at men in general and just don't think any of them look remotely attractive. Perhaps it's a self protection thing, like women who instinctively go off sex after having a baby so that they reduce the cances of getting pregnant. Perhaps my mind is telling me that all men are a bit rubbish so that I don't run the risk of getting hurt again. I even find myself thinking that XP looks old and haggard when I used to think he was sex on a stick .

I think a lot like that Elsie.

Do you mean the last paragraph, Tea? I think this whole business has made me hyper-critical of men/prospective partners. Nothing less than perfection will do and I'm not sure that's healthy.

Elsie I feel exactly the same about dating or similar, remember my date last September at TGIs ? Well it had the same effect on me and I imagine it will pass although its mid march now !! Sorry you are a bit up and down with xp , you are right its a slow recovery but recovery it is

Sov glad you are feeling better sorry you feel a bit let down by people you have helped in the past, hope the docs went ok

Mumfun sorry to hear of dc related troubles they are so much harder to deal with and that anger has reared up in you is very unusual. Is there anything to look forward to on the horizon ?

Starting its weird listening to stories of you and xp chatting away , funny how time changes things. So Norm never did get back to you then - are you ok about that now ?

Pink glad to hear you are working hard

Patience so whats slow burner man strategy ? Hope dd is feeling better now

Well been to new house with Mum today and got the royal seal of approval . Survey tomorrow and unless he tells me its falling down it will be time for full scale excitement.

Been to St Albans for lunch and then to the lovely cathedral there for some quiet contemplation

Sleeping ok , xh tidily back in his box , all is well

PC plod has said to me: I can't be doing with people who say what shall we have for dinner tonight, I like to have it all planned out a month in advance, cook it, freeze it and get it out on the day it's needed. This set off huge, loud alarm bells in me. I was thinking: he's anal, he's inflexible, he's controlling, he lacks spontaneity, he's boring, he's staid, he's too rigid, and on and on. I applied all these traits to the whole of his life based on the contents of his fucking freezer . Did I take it a bit far, do you think? Or do freezer habits mirror one's personality...? Perhaps I'm over-analysing .

Yes Elsie the last paragraph I was nodding my head to it. I can't blame you for feeling uncomfortable at meals planned a month in advance, cooked and frozen. That to me is odd. It would set off alarm bells too. I like a little bit of spontaneity on food.

I agree with what you said about the fact I'm not a mind reader but his facial expression hurt the most. Trouble is as he's so quiet, you try and work out what they're thinking from their face alone. Still having moments of feeling horrid about it all.

"do freezer habits mirror one's personality...?"

Well, my freezer is tiny
..has never worked - it either freezers everything in the whole fridge or defrosts anything that needs keeping slighty chilly.

:) so maybe yes!

My pof date mate is so different to me, politically and jobwise but we do have some things in common as well. But I must say it's the differences that I'm finding very interesting at the moment!

Never met, never mind socialised with someone like him before. We had a little tiff the other week and I didn't sulk, or expect him to agree with me...was quite surprised at my ability to accept that we have different outlook on things. It was so refreshing! Look at me, I'm growing!

Quick post....

Elsie - the freezer thing urgh - methinks you'd be better off having a cuppa than dating him

Tea, I'm in agreement that he could have been thinking about ANYTHING and not at all about not fancying you for all we know. For example, he could have been thinking...I take these tabs that put me off sex so I'd better say no even though she's gorgeous, for all we know......you are beautiful btw.