Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.3

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Thanks Getting. I've known him for about 10 years. So I didn't expect him to say no. But he is a shy type. I hate the dating game anyway, the "should I ring him?", "shouldn't I?", "What if I appear desperate?" etc. I just want good friends for now and he's a nice guy. I didn't think it was that big a deal, the reason I held off asking for so long was due to the fact I know how shy and awkward he seems. I think I made a huge mistake tbh.

Oh Tea, I can imagine that must feel horrible. I bet he's feeling crap too though if you know him quite well. If he's shy maybe he was just a bit embarrassed? I think you did the right thing too and you may find that you end up having a chat about it at a later point and carry on just as before.

Tea, try not to think about it. Brush it off. You felt the fear and you did it anyway, well done.

I think he was very ungracious to say no.

'who dares wins'. You didn't win this time but one day you will.

Doesn't matter who he's told, or not told. I bet he misses tons of opportunities being so shy. He's probably kicking himself.

You didn't make a huge mistake. He might have done though.

Tea Don't feel bad and try not to feel awkward. What confidence it shows to ask him in the first place!

If roles were reversed and you had said no to a man...you wouldn't think any less of him for asking would you? You wouldn't think he's desperate! You may even feel flattered that he asked!

I think it's great that you asked - brush yourself off, and know that it's his loss...and maybe he was taken aback and unsure of how to react. Hold your head high girl!

I don't think he has thought about it at all. I made a mistake. If I'd suggested maybe the pub or cinema he may have said yes. But actually I think he'd have said no anyway. I'm an idiot.

He's been single for a very long time, as he's so shy and awkward around women.

Tea, I'm like you and would feel the same . FWIW I think it was really courageous to ask and HIS LOSS.

The crappy feeling will subside soon although I know that won't make it fee any better atm. ((hugs)) for you

Doing a roast as Mums here , what a palaver hope the dc enjoy it as they wont be seeing another one for a while !

What you up to Happy and Pink ?

Mumfun was the week as bad as you were expecting ?

Kate hows things ? Any progress on sorting out your house sale ? Are you still seeing your man ?

Been walking with Mum and the dc making them interact and spend some time with her as they have been with thier mates all weekend. Seems like a lifetime ago she visited and we would all sit watching Bob the Builder

Ah Tea ((Hugs)) please take what Getting said on board & do not allow yourself to feel bad or embarrassed over this. He might have said no for loads of reasons that have nothing to do with you. Remember nothing ventured, nothing gained. Dust yourself down & don't let it put you off trying again.

Now I am going to completely mortify myself & share a little story to make you feel better. Once upon a time many moons ago when I was devastated over xh's infidelity. I was possessed with an urgent need to have sex with someone, firstly because I hadn't had sex for a v long time but also as a way of helping myself to get over xh. Well I came out of college one night feeling particularly low & I just looked up at the sky & said God please put the right person in my path. Well I swear to God I looked down & there was this guy I'd know for years. He'd suffered a tragedy in his life about 4yrs previously & I know he hadn't had a girlfriend for years but was trying to relaunch himself. Well of course as I was half insane at the time from all my dealings with xh I didn't view his sudden arrival as mere coincidence, I viewed it as a sign from God . Feeling empowered by having approval from the man above himself, a few days later I dressed to kill & went somewhere where I knew this person would be. Brimming with the over-confidence that only a mad person can possess I asked him could we go somewhere for a quiet coffee, that I wanted to ask him something. Sitting down quietly with coffees in place I said "look I'll get straight to the point, I haven't had sex for ages & as I know you're single & also looking for a woman I was wondering would you be interested in some no strings attached sex". Que friend chokes on coffee & spits it all over table. In that same moment I suddenly see the light of sanity & think oh dear God what have I done! Friend suddenly becomes over excited & enthuastic & starts babbling that yes he'd be really interested but needed to confess that due to being on antidepressants might only be able to perform once a week & would that be ok. At this point I am thinking "beam me up scottie". I manage to bring things to a quick conclusion telling friend I would give him time to think it over (couldn't do a complete about turn all in the space of 2mins). I later had to ring him & say look I'm really sorry but I was completely insane when I thought that having no strings attached sex might be a good idea. I had to dig deep & overcome the embarrassment of it all as I had to meet him on a regular basis. In fact I still meet him regularly & every now & then our eyes meet & I know he is thinking about it & we both start grining like fools over the memory. I've managed to maintain a good friendship with him though & we talk away like normal most of the time.

Now I hope that story will have cheered you up & made you realise you've absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about

Sov, it was really sad to read your post & see how little support you have ((Hugs)). Hope you managed to get something sorted.

Patience, Goo & Maybee, glad you had a good night out & hopefully will be the first of many!

Getting, glad you're enjoying your time with your mum.

Waves to Happy, Mumfun, Pink, Kate et all......

Starting, you're a good story teller. I too have had simmilar experiences in my past and still can't believe it when I look back but I don't regret it.

Getting, what I'm up to is working as I have a deadline coming up and I'm late as usual. I come downstairs every couple of hours though and go on MN and gorge .

Glad you're having a nice time with your mum.

Read it twice now starting and pmsl both times.I love the sign from god
bit.

I have been a bit like that myself this week ,

And Lo a man appeared he had a pulse it was a sign.

Tea I agree that loads of reasons are out there for this ,same if it doesn't work out with slow burner guy.I will still see him every week.more embarassing if I sleep with him ,see him naked and know what his bits look like.however this is all part of our journey tea,knock backs ,dating and naked men.I have been having sex with the same bloke for 16yrs.it scares the hell out of me even having a coffee with someone else.but it is true that these things move us out our comfort zone.I am level one on the dating comfort zone.I need to move onto at least level 2 flirting.kids r always around and announce they r needing a poo could I wipe their bottoms.but that is my life he can choose to join me on my road or he could swerve it big style.cry if u need to tea,then let it go,don't make a link of chain and carry it with u .let the thought float into the sky and let it go x

I've cried lots today. More the feelings of shame and rejection churning up too and feeling unlovable. DD was hanging off me when I asked him.

Just making some blueberry muffins. Smells delish. Comfort food tonight once the kids are in bed and a flick I think. Maybe RED as that's on BT vision and I can worry about the pennies another day. I've done a lot of compulsive purchasing lately to try and make myself feel better but was rather foolish spending iyswim? Even bought myself a bunch of flowers today in Sainsbo's after church. Just needed it. I never buy flowers as they're a luxury item to me on my budget.

Hello Ladies

Update: Ex still being a prize tossbag, hardly rings the girls after I requested that FogHorn LegHorn doesn't speak to them while they are with me.

Found out couple of days ago she is stalking me on twitter - She favourited one of my Tweets...which twitter informed me of. This one - from weeks ago,

" Well I only left to give ex 'space' didn't know at the time he had the woman in the office lined up to fill that 'space'!"

How sad! I pity them, my tweets are about my life, work, girls and silly things and Yes...I mention tossbag occasionally - But the idea that they are kid free - in the first bloom of love and they are sitting going through my twittersteam is just hilarious. But they've got to keep up the drama of their affair somehow.

Obviously I did a big shout out to them! And pondered about what an exciting life they must live if they are so interested in what I'm up to! So my Twitter links to my photo blog - and I must admit I got a sense of satisfaction when I knew that they are also aware of my lovely new bloke, the massive bunch of flowers he gave me the other day....and the ipad I was given by him as one of my birthday gifts.

Sprinkling the fuck you attitude liberally over them both!

He has been given until the 15th of March to tell me what he wants to do with the house or I will go down the legal route.

Hi 5 s tea for her flowers purchase ,muffin and film recovery plan.that's mega tea.its not break the bank stuff but its that little bit of pampering we all need.I swear by it.as long as its not a huge 3 figure splurge I think its an absolute necessity.
I love spring flowers in my house ,just a few in a tiny vase brighten my day.

Hello! Geordie back from her travels oop north - still buzzin! Had a great time, especially enjoyed fixing Patience's bra for her, realised if the teaching career goes tits up (no pun intended) I have a glittering future as a John Lewis bra fitter lady. Was so so good to meet up with P and Maybee - both top ex-dumplings and the time just flew. P you live in a beautiful part of the world and hope it's the first of many trips. Maybee is hoping to post on here before she goes back home next week - she's been very busy getting packed etc but she says hello :)
Starting - love your God given man story. I'm obviously not in the good books with up high as all the men I've been sent definitely came from hell!
Sov - I hope you are ok - the meetup girls were worried about oyu last night. Can your mum come down and help you? I also think, like someone else said, that you need to go back to hopsital if your stitches have opened. Lots of love and wish I lived nearer - I think we all wish that x
Tea - oh I really feel for you - how crap. And I completely understand that you must be mortified but I agree with whoever said that he was probably so shocked that he just said no. He certainly won't think you're a fool, or too forward, or some sort of wanton hussy - you were only asking him if he wanted to watch a film. It wasn't like you rubbed his leg and said how about it big boy? And I would have reacted in exactly the same way as you today - been weepy and down. But let it pass if you can. You asked him in a friendly manner if he wanted to watch a film - that's all. When he gets home he will have been really flattered and he certainly won't think any less of you. And I don't think it's got anything AT ALL to do with how attractive you are! You are very lovely and if you're not his type physically then hey, who cares? Sending you lots of love and empathy and hope you enjoy your recovery plan x
Kate - following your tweets? Foghorn and Tossbag must have a lot of interesting things to talk about eh? They are obviously both amazed and attracted by your ongoing fabulosity. Sounds like their exciting little affair isn't quite so exciting when it's a normal relationship. Sigh. Poor lambs.

"wanton hussy" "It wasn't like you rubbed his leg and said how about it big boy?" these statements are resonating with me < ah fu*k it emotion you only live once >

Patience, glad I gave you a laugh anyway lol. Could have all worked out nicely if I had actually fancied him (he's young & has a great body though) & if he hadn't started babbling on about managing only once a week due to the anti-depressants!! I had been imagining rampant sex sessions going 5 or 6 times per go

Tea, a lot of the tears today were probably more to do with your marriage break up. It's will most likely lead to further healing. Glad you treated yourself ((Hugs)).

Pink, glad you've also had similar experiences & actually you're right I don't regret any of it

Kate, seems strange that your xh & ow who should be completely immersed in the honeymoon period have the inclination to be checking your tweets . Hope you are posting lots of raunchy tweets about your new man & his stanima in the bedroom

Tea and starting I did the same thing when I split from my first H, I had never been with any other man and the thought really scared me, so I spoke to one of the guys I worked with and he offered to help me out, it was really embarrassing, had quiet a good time over a few months but then started to get feelings for him and he only wanted a sh*g. He was rather small in a certain department tho. He is now a married man and it is 15 years later, I still work with him and luckily am not too embarrassed now.

Dont worry Tea, we all do silly things occasionally, even though I dont think it was silly.

Googoo sounds like you all had a great evening, good you all deserve it.

Sov hope you are feeling a little better today.

ET hope your date with the policeman went well.

Hi to everyone else.

Sov just to say I gave X his shirt back today.folded it and put it at the bottom of a bag that he had brought.meant a lot 2 me ,last item of clothes I had of his.just didn't need to burn it.more symbolic actually for me to just give it back ,he needs it more than me.didn't tell him,he would find it when he gets home.just nice to act with peace in my heart.really happening I'm divorcing my husband.the marriage didn't work out.
Hope u had a better day today Sov,sending u my love and best wishes x

Patience that was a nice gesture after all he has done to you, but I think it was a very big step in your recovery, well done.

I still have all my H good shirts that I had bought him from USA, maybe one day I will be able to be as good as you, but I hate the thought of him wearing them with OW, oh well maybe one day it wont matter to me anymore.

That's it Rom.I think its the same as when someone dies.u keep something.I'm having a weep now just thinking about it.he wore it a lot when we first went out so happy memories.its just all part of accepting the situation.I've gone from Celtic wailing akin to labour moans,to silent tears just admitting its over.I don't want to rescue him anymore,I don't want to be married to him anymore,I don't want to be responsible for him anymore.its over ,today for the first time we both really believed it.no more game playing .lots of chat from him.I don't need to work hard at it anymore those days are over now x

First time we have had a conversation as friends since this all kicked off nearly 18 mths ago.nothing heavy just chat that u would have with a RL friend .he stayed and did reading with Ds.I didn't feel anything re ow.didn't talk about her .its a new relationship we have,me accepting he has gone ,I have changed and there is no way back .

Sounds mightily positive Patience - you are finding serenity between you, which you can take into the future :)
Oh gosh, laughing at you thinking you're a "wanton hussy" Starting. Two summers ago I spent two nights of passion in a home made camper van with a Yorkshire carpenter. I think I win the hussy prize AND I don't care and I ain't embarrassed in the slightest. Think that makes me a brazen, wanton hussy!!!