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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have just discovered something about the man i am about to marry...

987 replies

upsydaisy1974 · 03/03/2011 00:16

I have had reason to think that all is not as it seems lately and I have just checked my partners spare mobile phone and I have found that he has created an entry in the address book with my name on it and has put the contact number as the spare phone. He has been sending absolutely filthy messages to his own phone, but obviously as my name is in the address book it comes up as from me. The same messages are in the sent box and in box. He is sending them to himself. How the hell do i deal with this?

OP posts:
Malificence · 07/03/2011 21:12

gabbylogon is a very strange poster whose stream
of conciousness would make a psychiatrist weep.

LadyBiscuit · 07/03/2011 21:14

I keep thinking pluperfect which just goes to show what a very dull person I am Blush

PeterAndreForPM · 07/03/2011 21:20

I have it!

it's poo-poo

as in "poo-poo-head" for people who don't agree with the perceived wisdom Grin

FuppyGish · 07/03/2011 21:34

thanks Mal. She's not the one that puts 'Gabby x' at the end of each post is she?

ScaredOfCows · 07/03/2011 21:37

There are some staggeringly weird posters around lately!

Thingumy · 07/03/2011 21:38

Yup that's the one fuppy

and "gabby" is male.

clam · 07/03/2011 21:38

Whoever she is, wish she'd shove off. This is a serious thread...
Daisy, I'm in awe of your strength and insight. Stay strong.

PeterAndreForPM · 07/03/2011 21:39

< twitches >

clam · 07/03/2011 21:39

Oh, he can shove off then.

LadyBiscuit · 07/03/2011 21:40

Well thingumy certainly seemed to know what she was talking about Hmm

Thingumy · 07/03/2011 21:40

what you twitching for PA?

Do you know something? Wink

JeremyVile · 07/03/2011 21:41

So he needs to be honest about this ridiculous trail of his, doesn't he?

Because it doesn't sound like it was the texts.

Thingumy · 07/03/2011 21:41

Sorry lady biscuit?

mathanxiety · 07/03/2011 21:41

Daisy, he must think you are one of the Dumbs from Dumbsville.

He seems to be behaving like a man whose attention is firmly elsewhere. His wedding has been postponed and he surely knows you are considering your options about the baby. Yet he flies yet another cock and bull story past you.

What is it about 'I'd like the truth please or all is well and truly over' that he doesn't understand?

JeremyVile · 07/03/2011 21:43

There obviously IS something he's worried you've found out about.

Now you've mentioned the texts though, I think he'll keep quiet and watch his arse all the more.

Blu · 07/03/2011 21:43

Daisy, Is it remotely possible that this man knows full well that you snoop his stuff did indeed leave extra sexy messages on his phone, in your name, as 'SexyDaisy' as just that, a bit of fun? Of course they are in the sent box becuase he has to send them somewhere to be saved on the phone. Sent FROM the phone, TO the phone, because that's the only way they would stay there to be found. or possibly sent to his main phone either to be found or because they had to be sent somewhere to be in the phone!

The messages used a lot of language you and he use, and maybe he was simply doing it as a bit of fun.

I think it's worth considering, before you call off your whole relationship and terminate your pregnancy.

LadyBiscuit · 07/03/2011 21:43

So sorry thingumy, completely misread your post Blush

I took it to mean 'PP? How can you be so sure?'

Sorry :o

Original poster
upsydaisy1974 · 07/03/2011 21:45

I will post a bit later to update you, as he is sitting opposite me. Excruciating evening this is turning out to be ... again.

I can assure whoever has been posting about not wanting to marriage family thing. IT IS EVERYTHING HE HAS EVER WANTED. He talked about his dreams to be a parent, have a family and be like his parents in a successful marriage that has lasted since the 60's.

He has now said he is gutted the wedding has been postponed and has done everything he can to convince me those messages were meant for me when he gave me the phone to keep. Not sure yet, but there was something much more sincere about that than recent days conversations. He is certainly thoughtful at the moment.

Hopefully he has finally realised that he isn't the one pulling the strings and in control of this situation now. Definitely a difference in him now!

I will keep plugging away and will maintain my stance. You never know it might just work

Thanks to those of you with constructive advice, support end empathy. I am overwhelmed. xx

OP posts:
Thingumy · 07/03/2011 21:46

No worries LP Grin

Thingumy · 07/03/2011 21:48

Just keep talking daisy.

I'm glad you are feeling some progress and real honesty.

Blu · 07/03/2011 21:52

Well, if he actually gave you the phone to keep, he was hardly trying to hide some guilty secret, was he?
So it was in fact now your phone, not your 'partners spare phone'?

It sounds very much as if he did indeed leave the messages for you to find, and that whatever his trail is, it is about getting you to read the messages.

FuppyGish · 07/03/2011 21:52

am thinking of you daisy x

mathanxiety · 07/03/2011 21:54

To leave sexy messages on a phone after the whole website thing that went before seems a really daft idea though. Why would he run the risk of rekindling Daisy's suspicions in light of the website dabbling he did previously? Why does he think he is in a position to question Daisy's trust here?

If this man sees something like that in the circumstances as a bit of fun, you have to wonder about his level of sensitivity at the least and wonder if he has a cruel streak at the worst. And then there's the comment he made that he had set a trail and he wasn't going to discuss it.

I think he's winging it, dealing with each new revelation from Daisy as to how much she has found with some comment off the top of his head. Hence the slightly changing story and reaction each time. I think he will eventually paint himself into a corner with lies.

LadyBiscuit · 07/03/2011 21:55

Hang on in there Daisy. Hope you manage to get a decent night's sleep tonight x

IngridBergmann · 07/03/2011 21:59

How weird. He's a right one isn't he.

Daisy, what is it you want to happen? What are you waiting for him to do?